lajendi

Thanks for... People

This week my writing (private, not for blog) led me to think about how my life has changed over the >gulp< decades. Where God leads my life continues to amaze me. Not that God railroads me, I'm happy to go where he takes me. Just that my vision for myself is shortsighted. I get to a point in life that I think is OK and he ramps it up, telling me that "OK" is not good enough. 

So I have been thinking about how far I've come, that I've become a strong, faithful, and courageous woman. As I partook of the sacrament yesterday, alone because the rest of the family were home sick, I felt the spirit whisper that my progress would not have happened without the Savior. This is a future post in my thankful series, but it relates to my gratitude for people.  Without the healing of the atonement I wouldn't be able to function, I would be overwhelmed by the guilt of sin, and stuck in habits I'd like to rid myself of. But without good, strong people surrounding me I wouldn't have climbed out of my past either.  It reminds me of that famous quote by President Kimball:

 "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."

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There have been influential people lining the path of my life. My high school art teacher, Mr. Case. Other teachers: Mrs. Hewlett, Ms. Fowler, and a physics teacher who put me right on the front row and made me succeed.  My youth leaders: Sister Coburn, Brother and Sister Perez, Bishop Bergener. My seminary teachers, Brother Cassiday, Sister Farr, Brother Hawkins, and the last one whose name I can't remember! Women in my wards who taught me how to serve, most of them by being a good example, but there were a few who taught me what NOT to do. There were leaders who led well. There have been co-workers who were just there everyday with a positive attitude. 

Then the friends, I can't even begin to list them by name! Real friends. Friends who were friends just for a day as our paths quickly crossed, or those I still consider friends even though I haven't spoken to them in years. The memory of all of them adds to my life. I have found, now living in an area where my peers are in short supply, how valuable friends are. 

This post about people would be a complete joke if I didn't talk about the people who've treated me badly too. It is inevitable, being hurt by people. The test is in how we respond to it. As I wrote this post I got an unpleasant phone call from someone who calls herself my friend. What are ya gonna do? Maybe shed a tear, talk to DH out of frustration, and then move on. Having the support of my truest, bestest friend - my husband - makes it easier to deal with the fair-weather types. (no picture for this paragraph!)

Family, they're people too! But I won't get started down that thankful road today, I'm not ready for all that emotion just yet. I'll do a whole post on them later too. I miss them, that I know, like a phantom limb - it's not there but you can still feel it, a part of you that is missing. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I could see them more often, I think so much better (sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows?) . But I have to be content with the way things are, far from them.

I'm grateful for what I've learned from people, which is just about everything I know.  People are good, they just don't always know how to show it. 

Yea for People!

Thanks for... Mormonwoman.org

If I could go back through my emails (which were lost in our computer malfunction a few months ago) I would see that it has been about 6 months since I was invited to participate in Mormonwoman.org (MW). 

I got to know Michelle, who is the driving force behind MW, through commenting at Segullah. We both were making comments about trying to live the gospel while living with chronic illness. She is on the admin board at Segullah and so she got my email address and we started emailing supportive emails to each other. I'm so sorry those emails were lost in the computer malfunction. It would be neat to go back and see the genesis of our friendship. 

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Thankfully, Michelle decided I would fit in well at MW. When she asked me to be a part of the site I was shocked and excited. I never imagined that I could be a part of leading something so great. It was also a little intimidating to think that I would be informally representing the LDS church on the internet, imperfect me. I had been thinking about increasing my writing opportunities so it was a perfect fit. It was a chance to write and explore concepts dear to my heart, while influencing others for good, and supporting the spread of the gospel. This opportunity was golden. 

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After introductions to the other women at MW, and warm welcomes through cyber space, I stuck my toe into the water and began contributing to the site. This was my first post at MW, a blog post that Michelle found on my site that resonated with her. I still feel good about that post, and even wonder if I should back off on highlighting my hair in full devotion to those ideas ;)

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This summer, while visiting Utah, I had the opportunity to meet my new cyber sisters from MW in real life. They welcomed me warmly. It was awkward at first to feel comfortable in the presence of "strangers" but after a few minutes I recognized their personalities. It was wonderful to have faces to associate with the beautiful personalities I had come to know. The evening was far too short, but I came away sharing the amazing vision Michelle and Janelle had for the site. Again, I was humbled to be a part of it all. 

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Another great memory in my MW experience is getting to know Emily. I interviewed her in preparation to write her profile recently. We keep in touch, through blogs and frequent emails. Her understanding and application of the gospel is amazing, I guess that's what you get when you add psychologist, theologist, and new convert to Mormonism into one. I love her and hope we get to meet in real life sometime. 

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The women I have profiled for MW have a common experience with the process. All of them are shy about sharing who they are, even though they are amazing, they don't know it. It makes me happy when they see their life in black and white on the site and realize that they really are doing good things with their lives. It's fulfilling to have a part in making that happen. Hopefully it gives them encouragement to continue. (If you know of an amazing woman I should profile, tell me about her!)

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Through all of this I have tried to write a piece for MW weekly. Sometimes the words flow easily and I am able to share bountifully. Other times it is difficult to open my heart and soul to the internet. Thankfully, I don't have to moderate comments on MW so I don't know about hurtful comments that are submitted but not posted. Even with the difficulties, I thoroughly enjoy my work for MW. It is not a formal calling in the church, but I feel I am meeting the admonition "to be anxiously engaged in a good cause" (D&C 58:27). I have chosen to dedicate what little free time I have to this cause because  it changes lives and improves the world. 

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"In Alma’s day 'the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it … had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them—therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God' (Alma 31:5).

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior."   -Boyd K. Packer

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Today I am thankful to have the opportunity to contribute to mormonwoman.org and to interact with the wonderful women there.

Thanks for... Military Service

This subject has been at the forefront of my mind since the shooting at Fort Hood this week. Knowing someone personally who is serving in a dangerous area also makes me mindful of this type of service. The freedoms we enjoy are all too easy to take for granted although they require the greatest of sacrifices by a select few. 

Watching a program about the Fort Hood incident last night made me so concerned for those who returned from war-torn countries to what they felt was the safety of home, only to have their safe places turned into the type of war zone they just left. This act by one who was supposed to be helping military men and women heal from the scars of war will surely result in greater wounds. My heart truly goes out to those who are effected by this horrid act of violence. 

 

(My friends' son wanted to dress up like his Daddy for Halloween.)

My heart also goes out to those serving in the military and the families that support them. Two of my friends from high school married, he now serves in the Marines. He recently left for another tour of duty in a war-zone, Afghanistan. Reading about his recent departure (here) reminded me that this is a life that the whole family chooses, not just the soldier. It is difficult on so many levels. This summer when I had a chance to visit with my friends, he told me that he feels good about his career choice and the work he does. God bless him for it, because not everyone could do it so well and find fulfillment. 

This reminded me of my brother-in-law who is a police officer. He also told me this summer that he loves his job, that he can't imagine doing anything else. A few weeks later he was involved in a publicized police shooting. Thank heavens he was safe and all is well. 

Our security and freedoms in America are priceless. There are such great people who sacrifice their lives for us to continue enjoying it. It makes me ill that those who protect us, the military and police, are vilified in popular culture. They deserve nothing but better pay, better homes and facilities, and our undying thanks. 

Thank You. 

extra post: letters to the world

Mormon Mommy Wars has a hilarious post up right now- Letters to the World. I thought I'd share my contributions here. R. helped me with the last one. Hee, Hee, I'm still giggling over it!

Dear hips,

What is it with you? We’ve decided as a body to focus on knees. We took care of said knees, now the entire body would like to take some time to enjoy life pain-free. Get with the program or you’re gonna be replaced!

Your head, AKA the brain.

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Dear blowing leaves,

Honestly and truly, I like you. You’re a beautiful manifestation of the changing seasons. It’s the neighbors who don’t like you. That’s why I literally kicked you to the curb. Don’t punish me by blowing back into the yard.

From one of your secret admirers

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Dear Halloween candy,

It’s been a week since we met each other at the door. Well, many doors really. Our frequent secret rendezvous are stimulating, I feel richly blessed to have you in my life. It was great to take our relationship to the next level when you were 50% off at Target. It’s cheap love, but it’s true love! I know this can’t last forever though. My husband has issues with our relationship because he’s seeing more and more of me.

XOXOXO,
Soon to be diabetic candy monster disguised as a SAHM.

Thanks for... Family Life

It is good for families to be more than just people who live in the same house. This takes so much focus and effort! And for me, it took listening to advice from people wiser than I am. 

Grandma D. told me once, when my oldest was a toddler, that I should pick my battles carefully. Not to tell the child "No" if I wasn't willing to stand my ground, even in the middle of the most ferocious temper tantrum. This was great advice. I haven't done it perfectly, but I do my best and it helps me discipline and love my kids. 

Grandma M. on the other hand didn't give me blatant council, but she made her theories on child-rearing very clear. Children should be taught to work. No if's, and's, or but's. When we lived with her and my Grandpa for a year when I was 10, every member of the family had chores. My older sister and I took turns sweeping the kitchen floor and vacuuming the carpet. In relation to both jobs I received detailed training and instructions as to how to do it properly. We also were sent to clean out the clinkers, I don't remember doing this much more than once - we may have botched the job horribly. Something that strikes me about all of these chores is that some would say they were beyond my abilities at that age. But Grandma knew we needed to work and those things needed to be done. We learned to do them by doing it. 

A huge part of my life right now is being a stay at home mom. (I hate the term "housewife" as I did not marry the house, I married my husband, I do not serve the house, I serve those I love who happen to live in the house!) This job is not easy so, it isn't a path I would have naturally chosen. Especially in the culture we live now where 70% of women work outside the home. I chose to be a stay at home mom because I trust and rely upon the guidance of spiritual leaders. Not to say that I haven't studied it out for myself, I have, and found the benefits (more) to be something I wanted for my family. Of course another huge part of this is that I am blessed to have a husband who supports me in this endeavor in every way, including a salary that allows it. 

In our early years of marriage we both worked. We both came home exhausted, without energy or enthusiasm to care for our household, to eat healthy meals, or to plan. I have found that being at home I can support everyone in the family by facilitating the necessary processes of life (eg. schoolwork, laundry, planning, food, shelter, and love!) It would be very difficult for me to do these things for a family of 6 in the hours between 6-8 pm, which is what I would have to do if I worked. 

It does take sacrifice though. As I stand at the bus stop I notice that the other mom who waits there, who works outside the home, has really nice leather loafers,  a few rings on her fingers, and drives a nice SUV without 160K miles on it, like my decrepit mini-van. This family goes on wonderful vacations, their children go to after-school programs at their church community center, and participate in extra curricular activities that take a large monetary commitment, like football. There is no way I would say our family is "better" than theirs because I stay home, it's just different. It's different in ways that are priorities to me, so I'll continue to stay home to work. 

At mormonwomen.org today I've written about a little slice of our family life. 

I'm grateful to have a family-focused life. It fills my life with love and makes me happy.