Psych 341 is officially complete! (And there was much rejoicing)
In the spirit of that course I wanted to post a few comments I left on another blog and add to it.
As I've mentioned before we are trying to help a family in our church with their struggles. They have many and helping them is... well a battle within ourselves also. Too often after serving them I feel upset, unsettled, even angry. I try to talk this out with DH but fear that too often it just comes across as complaining. I'm trying to sort out how I feel, why do I feel this way when I know serving this family is the right thing to do? There are so many factors involved I can't put my finger on just one as the whole cause. There are many factors at play.
One of those factors is very personal to me and only recently I became aware of how much it was effecting my attitude towards charity. In the past I've dealt with major depression and all the 'not fun' things that accompany it. Although my mental self care is high on my priority list as to prevent it's recurrence I outwardly have been denying it ever happened to me. I want to leave it in the past. But being with people who suffer from some of the same feelings, conflicts, struggles that I once did takes me back to my painful past.
Most often we see ourselves unclearly, either better than we really are, or worse than we really are. The latter is applicable to depression. We can get into a 'shame spiral' where the realization of one bad action suddenly sends us reeling with thoughts of how horrid we are. This can be 'all or nothing' thinking, not accepting that we don't have to be completely perfect right now. Neither are we the definition of evil itself. We should all allow for grey areas in ourselves, as long as we are slowly advancing toward the goal.
For me, recognizing the downward spiral of thinking is the first step. Then I combat it by telling myself some of good things about myself (feels weird, but force yourself). Another helpful tool is to set a plan of attack - what I will do to prevent the bad behavior that precipitated it all from happening again. I can't change the past but look to the future knowing that because of the atonement of Christ doing what I can is enough. (I used to say doing my best was enough. But doing my best 24/7 is impossible. So some days I do my best more than others, but I keep trying.)
Also key for me: positive self-talk. Some of the things we say to ourselves in the privacy of our heads we would never utter to another human being. Yet we bombard ourselves with horrid thoughts of denegration at one of the people we are commanded to love- ourselves!
Just as the parable of the 10 virgins in the Bible relates, we cannot share our oil with those who have not provided their own. I cannot give my mental health to another. I've prayed, suffered, worked, learned, pushed, struggled and finally have found it. Now others have this struggle, but it is not mine. Although they may plead with me for relief from their emotional pains, I am not the one who can release them. It is not a thing so light that it can be given and taken. We must all work out our own salvation hand in hand with the Savior.
Five Were Wise by Walter Rane
