lajendi

Dailies

Lose my phone - find it.

Make dinner - encourage the kids to clean it up.

Dress and diaper Baby  - undress and diaper Baby (repeat often).

Send kids to school - Kids arrive home from school.

Buy food - Eat food.

Clean clothes - Wear clothes.

Pay bills - Get bills in the mail.

This is some of the stuff that happens every day. It gets tiring and monotonous. At times it feels like I'm just putting one foot in front of the other but not really watching where I'm pointing my feet.

We do have long term goals - The kids all go to college, J. mission. DH and I enjoy retirement. I get a diploma of some sort (Farmer Ted's beauty school?). Pay off the mortgage. Go to London. You know- big stuff. There are the smaller ones too, the next step ahead kind of goals - the kids rewarded for the next higher level of school performance. DH gets a raise or fancy dinner for great work performance. I got something or other when I got an A in adolescent psych (don't remember what it was, it was so great).

But honestly I feel like the days are slipping away from me. The kids are getting older and I feel like the only thing I can say about each day is that I criticized them. I mean... encouraged them to improve in something. Or that I've had another day where I felt cruddy and had a nap, whoo-hoo for me.

I need daily goals, the same ones every day. Simple. Yet focused on accomplishing those things that are most important to me. So that I can say at the end of the day, "I did it!"

I'm thinking along these lines:

-Show each child and DH, individually, that they are loved. Ideas include: looking them in the eyes while they talk to me, hugging them without cause, listening to them without interupting, or saying nothing that day to criticize.

-Do something for school. Anything. Read two pages. Heck, read a page. Your brain pickling is not an excuse to encourage further pickling but not studying. (I'm writing this to myself by the way, don't get offended) This is your goal, don't be a poop! Blogging doesn't count!!

 

-Spiritual peace.

I refuse to put household duties on this list. They are in front of me constantly, nagging and pleading for my attention. While these other, less tangible, but more important things are neglected.

Working out is also not on the list as somehow I've already incorporated that into my hardwiring on an every-other-day basis. I will crash and burn mentally and physically if I am not physically active.

What could I be leaving out... What is on your daily list?

Internet stuffy stuff

F minus - someone proud to fail, makes us all feel good!

DIY pixel art - great idea, especially if you have a teenager who wants to paint a portrait.

Life is easier when you...

1. Reheat pizza in a non-stick skillet
2. Use a zippy bag to make deviled eggs
3. Expand your store-bought frosting with your electric mixer
4. Reheat baked goods in the microwave accompanied with a cup of water
5. Use newspapers to keep weeds away
6. Pick up small shards of glass with a Q-tip
7. Shove a drier sheet in your pocket to keep mosquitoes away
8. Use cayenne pepper to keep squirrels away
9. Use an empty paper towel roll as a vacuum cleaner attachment
10. Reduce static cling with a safety pin
11. Unstick measuring cups with hot water
12. De-fog a windshield with a chalkboard eraser
13. Re-open a sealed envelope by freezing it
14. Shave your legs with hair conditioner for smooth skin
15. Get rid of fruit flies with apple cider vinegar and dish washing liquid
16. Get rid of ants with cornmeal
17. Dry your clothes in less time by washing the lint trap filter

These ideas were stolen from Curbly.

If you're feelin' fancy in the bathroom, or want to, put a frame around the mirror.

C'mon, seriously? We are addicted to soda, find that it is horrid for us, so we invent a "healthy" version. I find myself horrified and attracted at the same time. 

Speakaboos - A great website to visit with the kids! 

Mint Map - Money info about the country in map form, but that doesn't really make it any more fun. Just interesting, maybe, in a kind of sick, torture yourself kind of way.

Our backyard needs help. Apartment therapy to the rescue. If my body will let up I will get to work and keep you posted on the results. This is my ideal end result, not too much to ask is it?

 

It is NOT the Swine Flu.

I'm feeling cruddier. Going for bloodwork tomorrow, testing for lots of fun stuff so I'm "fasting" tonight. (I should have asked the doctor if there was something specific he'd like me to fast for.) We're even testing for diabetes. That's one you hate to be tested for, because what if you actually have it? No fun, that's what. Yes, I've had these tests done before but things change and the insurance, bless their gracious hearts, allow me to have the bloodwork done again periodically.

One thing I do know - I don't have the swine flu! Another thing - I know that the media is over-reacting and thus people who watch the media are over-reacting. And then there is another segment of the population that is over-reacting even more- you know them, they do food storage, 72 hour kits, have lots of children... Anywho... Let's just keep our wits about us shall we?

Just eat your wheat and be still.

I'm sorry, please come back!

If you're out there, and somehow you're reading this - I take back everything I said. There were times it was hard to see you, and I let everyone know. Surely it must have hurt you to hear me say it. It serves me right, to have to live without you. But how could I have known what my life would become without you? Now I know. It is all a mess, really and truly. I can't enjoy some of the best things in life without you. I'm truly sorry to have underestimated and misjudged you so greatly.

So I say, from the bottom of my dirty shoes to the tops of my gardening gloves:

Mr. Snake return to me!

Tonight while A. and J. were helping me pull weeds in the garden, to prepare for planting, we found a baby mouse- Just one. I'm no dummy, I know we found one because I stopped turning over the pile of grass clippings. There are more. It freaked me out; J. thought it was cute and named it Kenny and went out to tell it goodbye before bed; and A. was some where in between. Later she asked what I did. I told her that I hated to see any living thing die but that mice are dirty and I don't want them eating our food or getting in the house, making us sick. So I left it there. She's a smart girl; she said, "An owl or something will probably eat it."

So I'm wishing I hadn't left those few carrots in the garden over the winter. I'm sure they made the mice nice and cozy. And yes, I really do hope the snake finds his way back because I'd trade one of him for a colony of mice any day.

When I rent the roto tiller I'll buy moth balls.

(You can thank me for not including pictures of snakes or mice babies in this post.)

Sunday drive and nature walk

 

 

 

 

  

The bush over Baby's head is a Rhododendron - the trail was engulfed in them. In a few weeks when they bloom it will be beautiful. R also pointed out that it will be swarming with bees.

Baby walked the whole way, about half a mile with an incline! As long as big brother stayed in front she stayed on target, following right behind him. Although she was reluctant to leave the water, I had to pick her up for that.

 

My parents often took us on mystery Sunday drives, not telling us where we were going, acting as if they didn't even know - but often they were prepared with all the BBQ supplies, or let us wade, etc. I'm sure we bugged them to no end to tell us where we were going, but it was exciting not to know; to find somewhere new that was beautiful and fun. That's what we did today. I hope my kids get the same sense of adventure and thrill for the outdoors that I received from my parents.

Being outdoors is one of the best ways for me to feel loved and to be at peace.

Getting healthy "right"?

Being healthy is hard. It is confusing. I also believe it is different for every person; what the right balance of healthy and happy/livable is. In my desires to be as healthy as possible and fight off whatever this mystery illness is, I've found out a few things.

 

While out and about I bought a book, Living Well With Autoimmune Disease; what your doctor doesn't tell you... that you need to know, by Mary J. Shomon. It is a great combination of traditional medical advice and descriptions, with alternative therapies. I still think my health issues fall under the autoimmune umbrella, which encompasses hypothyroidism, MS, lupus, etc. Some even say fibromyalgia falls under this category too, that some diagnosies of fibro are made by doctors that know something is wrong with their patients but can't quite put their finger on it. I recommend the book, although I wish there were a more current edition; this one is from 2002.

 

While reading up on Fibromyalgia on the net I came across this interesting article on what Fibro sufferers should eat. The most interesting to me was to avoid artificial sweeteners, the science on it is very interesting and I have taken it as license to enjoy the full sugar versions of many things, including soda. Really, I should more seriously consider limiting my sugar intake- wait, that's just crazy talk!

OK, ok, one day, when I'm strong, I'll think more about it. 

But I have tried to limit my soda intake though, it's the whole caffeine thing again, because usually when I want soda it's not Sprite that I'm jonesin' for. Caffeine gives me headaches. Hiroko tells me that it does other horrid things too:

"Caffeine stimulates your adreanal glands. Too much caffeine and you can have adrenal fatigue. What is the function of the adrenal glands? The basic task of your adrenal glands is to increase production of adrenaline and other hormones when needed. When healthy, your adrenals can instantly increase your heart rate and blood pressure, release your energy stores for immediate use, slow your digestion and other secondary functions, and sharpen your senses. Every challenge to your mind creates demand on the adrenal glands.

Drinking large amounts of caffeine can create high levels of cortisol. Sustained high cortisol levels destroy healthy muscle and bone, slow down healing and normal cell regeneration, co-opt biochemicals needed to make other vital hormones, impair digestion, metabolism and mental function, interfere with healthy endocrine function; and weaken your immune system."

The little part at the end about 'weaken your immune system' caught my attention! As if the rest wasn't a huge deal too, it also depletes muscle mass and other horrid things - go read what she wrote.

I stopped taking Lyrica, not because all drugs are bad, but because I felt like I should (I'm still taking others). For now I'm doing OK. My accupresurist said he's seen people have benefits from being on it just a short period of time. Maybe I have benefits from a rotation of going on and off it. Anyhow I'm not throwing it in the trash. When DH asked what the new plan is I did joke that I'm just going to pretend that my health issues are going away. Mind over matter, right? :P

 

In doing my part for Human Parasite Day (or as most people call it - Earth Day) I bought supplements and organic soap & lotion. Wasn't that nice of me?

Our nice grocery store has a good organic section, it even has a copy of Prescription for Nutritional Healing to reference. I think, I might, maybe, probably, try taking Kelp, along with vitamins B6 and C. I've got vitamin D that I haven't been taking, I should get back to that too. Let's just enlist all those neighbors in the alphabet.

 

 

Next month I have an appointment with a more alternative neurologist. Well, that's a lie, I have an appointment with the Physician's Assistant, because I'd have to wait 3 months for an appointment with the actual doctor. Anyway, I am very much looking forward to an appointment with someone who won't roll their eyes when I share all of these things with them. Am I expecting too much?

My PCP urged me, again, to make an appointment with a new rheumatologist. This will be my third in the last 18 months. The last two eventually told me not to come back until I had swelling and/or redness.  biting my tongue... biting my tongue..... (If I stop biting my tongue bad words will come out.) A simple story I read on a blog this morning explains it all:

Someone dies, goes to Heaven, and keeps seeing this distinguished man with white hair and a beard walking around in a white coat, scrubs and with a stethoscope. The new arrival finally takes someone aside and asks who that is. The answer, with a smile, is: “Oh, that’s God. Sometimes He thinks He’s a doctor.”

(The pictures are from my walk with Baby this morning.)

Kid Happenings

 Today Grandma P. called and asked if Baby was in size 24 months. It made me realize that maybe I should post pictures of the kids more often. (Although this picture isn't the right angle to tell her size, it is the most recent.)

 

She is up to a size 3, which leads me to ask the question- Why do kids clothes go up in increments of 6 months until they hit 24 months then they jump up to 3 years? Because 24 months (or 2 years) is too small but some of the size 3 don't exactly fit well either. What's a cute toddler to do to keep her belly and shoulders covered at the same time? Well whatever, here are more pictures of the egg rolling we did the day after Easter. 

 

 

 

And just to let you know what an awesome mom I am: When R. (the teenager) refused to throw, I mean roll, any boiled eggs down the hill I kept my mouth shut and let her take pictures. When it was all over, she discovered three raw eggs in the carton and asked if she could throw them down the hill. I said, "Yes." Anything to get the girl to participate with a smile. They did splatter spectacularly.

 

R. did smile when she got this new haircut. Although, not in the picture.

On Saturday - after a long day of setting up a wedding, getting a bride ready, being at the wedding, accompanying reception and then cleaning up the whole affair - I took her to a youth dance, her first one. Did she smile there? Nope, not until it was time to go and she had turned down at least 5 guys that asked her to dance.

I will stop there, because there is no end to what I could say about this.

Then there is our boy. I'm usually all for the short haircut for boys, but I'm getting fond of the longer blond hair on him. DH is threatening a buzz cut for the summer.

J. lost his first tooth on Monday night, just as DH got home from a late business dinner. When he whined a little about it hurting we put Ambesol on and a little while later he tugged it out.

Today A. is at "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" with Dad. They had a catered breakfast and lunch, she took 100 pennies too; knowing the type of work Dad does they are for something to do with percentages (yuck). She could have gone to work with me today; we went grocery shopping, argued on the phone about getting a full statement for a medical bill ("I can't print out a full statement, the computer won't let me!" said the medical billing receptionist. I said, "It doesn't make sense to pay when I don't know what I'm paying for.") , completed the IRB (Institutional Review Board) tutorial for school, and prevented Baby from driving away- let me explain.

We had just gotten home from the store and Baby was playing with my keys - she likes to pretend that she's unlocking the front door, even when it is closed and locked. I brought the groceries in the garage door so it was still up. While I was in the process of putting hamburger into freezer bags, and thus covered in beef slime, Baby made a break for it. She rounded the corner and laughed as she opened the door and went outside with my keys. I washed my hands as quickly as I could but by the time I got outside I couldn't see her anywhere.

She usually never leaves the yard; something catches her attention before she gets very far. I looked all around the house and at the neighbors', in case she decided to unlock their doors. Calming down, I said a silent prayer to think about where she could be. I had a thought that she was still somewhere familiar to her, that she is too timid to wander far from home. I thought to check inside the house but as I looked back at the van I saw a seatbelt move- she had used the keys to get the side door open (we have an automatic door opener on the key remote), then closed it, and sat there on the front seat, pretending to drive! She was outta here! Apparently, she did not enjoy our morning shopping for organics and vitamins.

Alls well that ends well. Hope I can say that in 20 years.

Magnolia morning

  

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

(it's like being in a fairy tale)

See Art

The LDS church international art exhibition has opened. You can view it online, but that would be a shame if you live close enough to see it in person.

Been there, done that... movin' on.

"Our frailties are invincible, our virtues barren; the battle goes sore against us to the going down of the sun." -Robert Louis Stevenson

Between knowing and doing, we make a choice. We must sacrifice what we have now, the old behavior, to get to a new behavior. It is a leap of faith (even if you aren't religious, you must have a belief in the new behavior as being better than the old one). Often when we fail to make the leap from one behavior to another, I believe, it is because deep within us we choose to keep the old behavior. We like something about what we are getting, the consequences. Sometimes it is as simple as a known quantity, cold comfort.  We fear something new.

Those who do try, fail. So- try again or give up? Rinse, repeat. This is definitely a long term process, this becoming a better human being. But does that mean it doesn't happen at all?  

I'm on the optimist side of the argument that people can change- if they choose to. I think it is more about persistence than skill or intelligence. What pains me is when people choose not to change, but don't even realize they are choosing not to.

"When you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." -Rush. 

I think that is what is called 'being your own worst enemy'. I'm somewhat familiar, as I have been known to do it.

There is something very similar to being your own worst enemy- it is having a friend who is, inadvertently, your worst enemy. It isn't helpful to have someone trying to guide me, as a friend, who has the same problem that I have recently overcome. It is similar to the blind leading the blind. I feel like their habit has a gravitational pull. I'm likely to start circling the drain, going right back to that habit I've just happily, yet painfully, left behind! But my mama taught me to be nice to everyone, sticking me with a catch-22.

Meanwhile my friend may not have any idea the effect their habit is having on me. Other than the fact that I get irritated out of the blue. It may not be the time in my friend's life to work on this habit. It's not my place to bring it up and make it an issue for them. That is another thing about people changing, it is different for every person - how to change and when. Trying to tell my friend would be like telling Baby to clean the bathroom, it's just not timely.

As hard as it is to feel their habit pulling me back to recurrance, it is also painful to see how it effects them. I remember the pain it caused for me. Watching them, caring for them, it scrapes against my heart in a place that is still raw.

So, choosing a healthy path for myself, I'm moving on- With a smile on my face, an obscure apology on my lips, and wishes for grace and goodness in my heart.   

P.S. It's not you, this person doesn't even know my blog exists.