I'm stuck in the stage of learning about how large goals only happen when you do something towards accomplishing them every day.
This morning I felt overwhelmed. Thinking about how J is trying to improve in school and the pressure I feel from his teacher(in yesterday's post), my daughter's physical health (AKA weight), then I stepped on the scale and saw that I gained weight over the holidays and then I became concerned about my physical health (and the dimensions of my backside). I started thinking about DH's new job at church, which requires more weekly meetings than we anticipated. Then I thought about my calling, and how in the world can we do both and take care of the kids? Then I thought about making applesauce because organic applesauce is ridiculously expensive but organic apples are relatively cheap and we need to take down the real Christmas tree tonight because the pickup is tomorrow but bookgroup is tonight and I haven't touched the book..! I got into a whirlwind mode - you know, where you start worrying about something and then before you know it you've taken personal responsibility for every major world crisis in the last 30 years?
So I thought about my daily goals, just three things I want to do everyday that should result in good things over the long term. Because I tend to get overwhelmed, I have to focus on what I'm doing today, right now. My 3 daily goals are:
Study
100% (pray morning and night, read Book of Mormon, and smile)
Healthy Eating
These goals are manageable, if I don't do that whirlwind of worry thing. It's easy to twist yourself into a whirlwind when you're a mom. You've got so many people to take care of, with such different needs and abilities, it is an avalanche of details. How can I help my kids accomplish their goals without driving myself crazy? I need to break my kids' goals down into dailies too. And then teach them to take personal responsibility for their own growth and accomplishments. This can give them the tools to be successful later in life, and help them fully enjoy the accomplishment of their goals because they did it, not because mom made them.
I'm thinking about 3 daily goals for each child. Everyone's goals will be different, based on their needs and abilities. If they accomplish their three goals for the day they get a sticker. Extra stickers can be earned by doing extra chores, A's on report cards, accomplishing Personal Progress goals, etc. Each child will decide what they want their reward to be (eg Webkins, Legos, a video game, a hoodie) and then DH and I will decide how many stickers they need to get the reward.
This is no cutting edge technique. The "chore chart" has been around for eons and was even used in fits and starts in my childhood home. I have done a chore chart off and on as well, especially during the summer. They are great, but never seem to withstand the test of time. Why is that? I've felt bad that I can't stick to a chore chart for more than a few months, I've heard other moms say they've felt that way too.
This morning I altered my thinking - chore charts and goals should be a no-guilt zone. If I set a goal and only do it for one day then I've bettered my life (thankfully I usually do a bit better than that). There is no failing at a goal, whatever I do to get closer to accomplishing it is a success. I'm better than I was when I started out.
So if I do implement this system (gotta ponder it a few more days) I will leave it in the hands of my children. If they want a sticker, they do the work - No Nagging! If they don't get a sticker, they don't get a sticker. Hopefully this can make for a happier home life with less nagging. (Why is it that people think Moms like to nag? I hate it, puts me in a bad mood, it makes me focus on the negative - yuck.) I hope it will teach my children all kinds of good things about motivation, rewarding yourself, personal responsibility, setting goals, having a plan for your day, and about success.
What a great idea. I need to set some daily goals for myself too. What kind of goals did your kids choose? Good luck!
Posted by: Amanda D | January 07, 2010 at 05:09 PM