Secrets are Good..?

     I am an open person- heart on my sleeve, ask me anything. This is pretty obvious here on the blog. I've always felt that there are very few legitimate reasons for keeping a secret. Of course, as these things go, I'm learning why secrets can be good. 

     People think they know who you are and what your life is about if they know a few things about you. This blog is an example. I do write about many things in my life here, but not ALL of my life. That would be impossible. My life is active and vibrant, so many things happen in a day that it would be impossible to write about all of them (even Twitter isn't sufficient). Everyone's life is this way, not just mine. 

     Because I have specific thoughts one day, it doesn't mean I'll still feel the same way 3 days later. (This is one of the many reasons gossip is so horrid and I try to steer clear of it.) This concept of personal change applies to every area of life. Just because one day I'm feeling a little down and remembering my depression and try to share it with others as a means of help, doesn't mean that I'm falling into a depression now. My words, my thoughts, are not ME. Your words, your thoughts are not YOU. We change every moment as we interact with our surroundings and make choices. No one is static. 

     What bothers me is when people use these temporarily expressed thoughts, feelings, and experiences to determine who I am, or who another person is. Yes, we use these pieces of information to understand a person, but those thoughts or experiences are not the definition of that person. Back to the example of depression - I once was a woman suffering from depression. Even then I wasn't a "depressed woman", I was a woman fighting the affliction of depression. Even now I am not a "recovering depressive", I'm a woman who battled depression in the past and now knows how to deal with it personally. 

      This applies to other areas as well. I am about to become a foster mom. That doesn't change who I am, I am ME, I am not "foster mom". The assumption of a new role doesn't automatically change a person. Because I'll have a few life changes involved with taking care of children doesn't mean I won't go to bookgroup, can't help people outside my home, or never want to paint again (or am a saintly angel, that's laughable). It's lazy to push people into stereotypes and leave them there - especially when you interact with those people in real life (IRL) and can effect their lives and their family. 

     This is one reason I'm so hesitant to share my blog with people I interact with IRL - it changes what they think of me, they think they know all of me because they read the blog and think it is ME. 

     Yesterday at our foster interview the agency rep said that information about foster kids should not be posted on the internet, facebook, or twitter. I nodded my head and said "OK" while I mentally clicked off the list of foster blogs on the internet who currently do just that. I want to share my experiences, but the kids deserve privacy, and not just because it's a law (HIPA). Their experiences don't define them either and I would HATE for any of them to be labeled or treated differently because someone who knows me and interacts with the kids IRL reads this blog. 

 

     So I have to think about all of this, what I'm going to do. I don't know, I haven't decided. I enjoy blogging, connecting with strangers through the internet and letting my far flung friends and family know what is happening in my life. But it's that in-between crowd I'm not so sure about. Do I need to take my blog strictly private? Meaning, I'd create a new blog with an alias where I could post with made-up names and places. I would inform my closest friends and family  so they could keep up with me. Then I'd never utter a word about my blog to anyone IRL. This scenario makes me sad, but the temptation is all too strong for people to gossip, to tell others about the blog who then lurk and then gossip more. Their talk effects our church life, our community life, our personal lives. It gets ugly and messy and I don't like it. 

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Sometimes secrets are necessary. There is a reason God didn't give us the ability to read minds. 

Comments

[Lu]

1.

Here's the link to one of my favorite blogs--I've never met the author, but I found out about her blog through another blog...anyway, this is a freaky thing that happened to her because her blog is public...http://katiedid.squarespace.com/katie-did-journal/2010/3/19/to-the-creepy-imposter.html. Maybe this is part of what they're trying to protect against.

But I am torn about this issue too (not the foster care part, the public blog part). Moo and I have discussed telling our true names on our blog...but I just can't forget that there are a lot of creepy people out there, and do we really want anyone who knows our names to be able to find our blog... it's a tough question. Especially since I love blogs, I love that I read your blog and actually know a little about you and your current thoughts whereas otherwise, I wouldn't have a clue. There are definite benefits...

[My Heart Squared]

2.

I loved what you had to say! Life is so full of those questions - the opposition - the fear of having someone know more and the failure of saying not enough.
I know you'll find out what is right for you and yours.