lajendi

Pre-Christmas misc.

      Today we were all thinking about Max and Ruby. Their situation is so strange and it's hard to tell from watching if they have any parents at all. As each of my children came home from school they joined in the discussion. Did their parents die in a tragic accident? Is Ruby older than she seems, old enough to care for a little brother on her own? And where does the money come from? Because Ruby doesn't seem to have a job. Then there's the grandma, she invites them over for tea parties and birthdays but those two are on their own otherwise. Yes, it's strange. Very strange. 

      This discussion was all over two cartoon characters. Invisible parents seems to be a trend in kids' shows now. There's also Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. It's just Maggie, a pig and that beast. It gives me the willies so bad I don't let the kids watch it. There's also the pre-teen shows like ICarly - no parents just an irresponsible older brother. Is there an older cartoon where a child is without parents? I understand that they don't appear on screen in Charlie Brown. But they are still mentioned now and then. On these shows they aren't even mentioned. Another weird show? Yo Gabba Gabba. Goosebumps all over the place. Then again, when I watch the Banana Splits on Cartoon Network now they seem like a drug trip gone bad. But I sure loved them as a kid. 

     We built the gingerbread house last night. I buy pre-baked cookie parts that are hard as a rock so all we have to do is mix up frosting and throw candy at it. 

     We didn't even have the house built when R. asked if we could demolish it like we did last year. "Sounds like a plan", I told her.

     The kids tried for another ER visit today. Sledding down the hill in our backyard, where there is a fence and pointy branches at the bottom. I was just waiting for an eyeball to get gouged out. A. hit the fence pretty hard one time, but then wanted to go down face first the next time. I played policeman on that one. They are all back inside now and I didn't see a drop of blood. Who says God doesn't answer prayers?

     Time to go pick up the Chinese food for dinner tonight and my all-natural local raised and smoked ham for dinner tomorrow. 

     Good Luck with your plans whatever they are. 

     I'm just crossing my fingers for children that co-operate. The two year old is becoming more terrible two-ish every day. 

 

How to Breathe at Christmas Time

This is the most wonderfully stressful time of the year. Take all that we do and add to that everything that has to be done for the holidays - the baking, shopping, and partying. Then we're told that at this time of year more than any other we should be acting special - more like Christ would have us act. That is a lot to expect of a person - do more, act better, and have a better attitude. It gets very overwhelming to me, especially as I hear "There's No Place Like Home For the Holidays" repeated ad nauseum on the radio. I get that we're not with all of our family while everyone else gathers with those near and dear, I don't need a song to rub it in.

Today at the beginning of church I tried to sit quietly and have a prayer. I asked God to help me not be so bitter about the things that aren't going well. I asked that he would help me stop moping about missing my family. I asked that he would help me relax so I can enjoy the spiritual side of Christmas. Then I got angry and asked that he would cause a deep sleep to come upon the two year old that was pummeling me. 

As I listened to the words of the talks at church I wondered how I could change my attitude, what is it that I could remember about Christ that would help me enjoy Christmas? 

I realized that for me, Christmas needs to be more about remembering that Christ's atonement allows me to be who I am - imperfect and messy. All too often I (and I think many Mormon people) forget about grace and mercy. We should be trying to improve in ways that are realistic and compassionate to ourselves, but we should just fall on our knees and worship God because of his grace and mercy. This great plan of God's is full of love. His love allows wiggle room, not a perfect repayment of all we owe him; as if that were ever possible. 

I need to take time to just revel in the grace that Christ's atonement allows me in everyday life. Instead of feeling that I have to spend every moment in "worthwhile pursuits" I can stop and smell the roses, take a walk, read a book, or just stare at my kids playing with their presents under the Christmas tree. 

Christ came to this earth as a helpless dependent baby. Even in this he was the perfect example. He showed us that it was not sin to need another person as he needed his father and mother. Christ shows me that it is needful and necessary to depend on others, especially Him. 

 

Guess what we got today...

This last pic looks like the cargo hold of the space shuttle.

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We also got lots and lots of this:

    

  

Jen and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I woke up early to give rides to 3 girls. 2 of the girls didn't go, I could have slept in. 

 

My stomach hurt after I took my vitamins at breakfast, I should have eaten more food. 

When I went to give someone a ride and they weren't even out of bed yet. I waited. Then I drove them 3 blocks to their destination. 

 

I think I'll move to Hawaii.

Went shopping at Walmart (enough said).

 

Baby's cup spilled all over the van. I tried to clean it up and my gloves got soaked and my hands got cold. 

 

Drove the person back to their home (3 blocks).

I really want to move to Hawaii. 

I went home and unloaded the groceries. Baby wanted to use the potty. I stopped everything to help her. Nothing came of it. 

Immediately afterwards the phone rang - J. is in the nurses office at school and wants to come home because his stomach hurts. The nurse and I make him stay because there is only 30 minutes left in the school day. 

 

Put away melted groceries. 

I think I'll move to Hawaii. Maui specifically.

J. comes home from school and tells me about troubles there (besides the stomachache). Email the teacher and send J. to his room.

 

A. reminds me that I promised to take her Christmas shopping after school. The freeway traffic is horrid, so we go to Target instead of the mall. A. takes forever to make decisions. 

We pick up groceries at the Food Co-op. I forgot to put the cooler in the van so we put our groceries in tiny re-usable shopping bags instead. They don't have the apple cider we normally get, the substitute is yucko, but I already ordered it so we take it. 

 

When I open the side door on the van it falls off. 

A. gets scared on the drive home because I laugh hysterically like a crazy person and the door is still open 4 inches.

 

I look at studio apartments on Maui here. 

We forgot the milk at the food co-op. 

 

DH brings me roses and Ben & Jerry's. He gives me a hug and I remember that some days are just like that. 

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(clip art from here)

Diamond in the Rough (edited*)

 

     The BMI issue is continuing to haunt me. Last week there was an extra paper tucked into A's stellar report card. It was her health report from the school nurse. Her grades were above average, with something exceptional in every subject. She did so well, but there was that little stupid paper, with her BMI glaring, sucking the grandness out of her scholarly accomplishments. 

     Then yesterday I helped in the kitchen at the stake youth fireside. There was a great guy who is a wonderful cook and made all the food (and it was awesome!), he works in a college library, ultra intelligent, friendly, well-spoken and whose wife is expecting a baby any day. Everything is going great in his life - except his BMI. He went to the doctor this month and got the same news my daughter and I did - we're obese. While we discussed BMI's with a group of people, another man spoke up about signing his daughter up for dance lessons. He was told that there are several dance academies in the area that his neighbors steered them away from because they are so focused on the weight of the little girls in their programs.  

     This morning I can't help but feel that there is a reason this theme is repeating itself. At the gym this morning as I laid on the mat stretching after walking/running and biking (mixing it up to keep boredom and pain away) I thought about what to do, if I should do anything. Something came to my mind- 

     My friend Traci once told me something that she loved about her family growing up. There were many kids in her family and several of the older siblings were excelled in academics. They repeatedly came home with great report cards. Then there was her younger brother, his grades bucked the norm in their household, they were not good. The attitude her parents took is that every person is different, that they all had different talents and abilities and that school was not one of her brother's talents, as it was for other members of the family. Her parents helped her brother with his schoolwork and told him that he had other talents, some that hadn't even been found yet. The other kids were told to support their brother and never think less of him because his talents weren't the same as theirs. It was a struggle for him, emotionally and scholastically. *Eventually he did find his talents- he became great at soccer, is the life of the party and took it upon himself to read the Book of Mormon as a teenager. With hard work and diligence he went on to earn his MBA and is now a stock broker. His parents were supportive and enabled his success because they valued him and his talents even before those talents had been fully realized.

     I am impressed by Traci's parents. They believed fully in God's plan for their son. They put their trust in their son, believing that he had amazing talents even if they couldn't see them. Instead of pressuring their son to meet the standards of their other children, they recognized that he was different and valued that difference. They still expected him to try in areas that he didn't excel in, but they didn't pressure him to the point of feeling like a failure. 

     At the gym I tossed these thoughts around in my head, wondering if I can be that kind of parent for A. Can I help her make efforts in an area she isn't good in, while still keeping her personal view of her worth intact?

     Then I heard the nearby exercise instructor say, "David! We need a concert over here, it's her birthday!" I looked over at David who was ambling over to the birthday girl.

     David is at the gym everyday, lifting weights, using the stairclimber, and who knows what else, because he is there before me and stays long after I leave! David has physical disabilities so that his body doesn't work with him, it seems to work against him (cerebral palsy maybe?). Those muscles that rebel against the impulses his brain sends are well-toned from his fierce determination and exercise. Despite the fact that David will never run a race or compete in a fitness competition, he works as hard as those that do. 

     David pulled a harmonica out of no-where and begun to play a blues-y version of "Happy Birthday". It was the best harmonica I've ever heard in person. David has found a way to make his body work for him, he's found talent amidst his shortcomings. It's like his own personal diamond in the rough. We're all a little rough, but we all also have at least one diamond hiding inside us as well. Probably a few emeralds and rubies too. 

     We can't let the world tell us that what we have to give isn't important or worthwhile if it doesn't meet certain criteria. Analyze what your definition of success really is. What I want for my children is happiness and fulfillment, not bags of money (which is what the world thinks success is). Every person can be successful, not every person can be rich or famous. While bodyweight may be a struggle for many of us (and it is important because it effects our longevity and quality of life), it doesn't mean that our other qualities are diminished because of it. I'm just sick of the world trying to tell me, and my family, that we're not up to par. In the end what par is doesn't even matter because I'm not playin' golf!

*After I initially wrote this post I checked my facts with Traci, she corrected a few details about her brother's story. She does have a brother who is a sculptor, I just mixed up which one it is!

We got a real Christmas tree!

It was only 5 stitches. 

 
 

Scrabble Pendants

There is this popular craft that R and I decided to try. She's going to make them for her friends for Christmas. Take a look-

Any picture you can print out you can glue on the back of a scrabble pendant, add a loop, put a glaze on and you're done. Sounds easy. Until you start shopping for craft supplies at Christmas time. C-R-A-Z-Y-! I have been to 4 stores and still can't find the ball chains that go with them, unless I want to pay $6 for them, which is twice what they are online. But I guess that's what I get for not planning my craft in JULY! 

I should have just bought them on Etsy when I first saw them two weeks ago. Super cheap!

Excuse my yelling, today I've taken a two year old to all those craft stores, and to a planning meeting where she locked me out of the room that she was watching TV in. Then she stole an apple off our hostess' kitchen counter and took one bite out of it while she had a ton of goodies on her plate. Oh, and for the finishing touch she wouldn't take a nap when we came home and opened up one of her brother's Christmas presents. That girl is on track to get absolutely nothin' from Santa.  

I have 5 hours to get a nap (crucial), re-wrap that present, help kids with homework, pick up the food co-op order, make dinner, shower, and find my spiritual mo-jo so I can give a talk. This will be my Christmas miracle. 

That, and not killing the toddler. 

X-mas Etc.

The new oven is here, and heating up. It looks similar to the old oven. Somehow I still can't get excited about cooking dinner. Maybe I need new shoes to wear while I make dinner on my new stove?

 

On Sunday, when I was asked to speak at a meeting, the person asking me said that when they think of me they think of the scriptures. That was surprising. It was flattering though. I hope she meant it in a spiritual way - not that I'm bulky and add too much weight to her church bag. 

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It is really hard for me to shop for family members who are far away. I love thinking about all of you, and about what you'd like but it makes me sad to know that I won't be there to watch you open the gift or see you use it. Not to mention the fact that I could be so out of touch with you that the gift I get is one you already have or don't really want. I love giving gifts, but this long distance stuff just sucks. It sucks big time. So don't be mad at me if your gift arrives at the last minute. It's just me procrastinating because I miss you. 

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When I was a kid I hated it when adults would shorten Christmas to X-mas. It literally takes the Christ out of Christmas. But in this world where so few people don't have Christ at the center of their Christmas celebrations it seems very fitting. 

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I'm trying to think of what I should do tonight to get a little more Christmas spirit. The kids want to build the gingerbread house. That's all well and sugary, but doesn't really promote peace on earth and good will towards men (fighting over candy). How about driving around to see Christmas lights? Will that just result in fighting in the car? Then again, usually the last thing DH wants when he gets home from work is to turn around and walk out the door again. 

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Actually it's library bookgroup tonight. I haven't even thought about getting the book. With everything going on (lots and a final exam on Friday) I get the feeling I just have to let that bookgroup slide. I wasn't thrilled about the books anyway (tonight it was Revolutionary Road). 

 

Right now I'm reading Big Rock Candy Mountain by Wallace Stegner and A Christmas Carol by Dickens. I'm enjoying both. Actually, I'm surprised at what an enjoyable read Christmas Carol is, usually I find writing from that time period to be stuffy. Dickens does funny rambling asides, kind of like me. At least the rambling part. I bought a really cool book for the family for Christmas, but I don't want to ruin the surprise so I won't say what. I might have to go into the closet and read it before I wrap it.

 

Tonight I'll probably just stay home and study for that exam. 

jingle bells batman smells 

Children's Concerts

It's that magical time of year, the elementary school concert. That special event where everyone in the audience is solely concerned with their own child. Otherwise you couldn't pay them enough to sit in a hot stuffy gym to listen to rehashed Christmas tunes. That said, A. was GREAT! 

We have never seen her open up her mouth and sing like she means it. Tonight we saw that and jazz hands! 

It's fun to see her developing into her own person, and enjoying it. 

 

The lighting was bad and I had a bad camera so this is the best group shot I got. But I had to share it because it expresses the universality of this experience. Some kids are smiling ear to ear while there's a little girl in the front row crying, and of course the boys are making wisecracks. Ah, good times. 

 
 

Improvement Plan - Revisited

Less than a month ago I had a few amazing spiritual experiences. Learning from Sister Dalton and feeling the Holy Spirit in her presence urged me to re-commit myself to going forward in life with greater vigor and holiness. I knew even in the moment of making that commitment that I would falter - the bitter in the midst of sweetness. It doesn't mean that the experience was for nothing though. It doesn't mean I hang my head and walk away defeated. I can re-evaluate and re-commit. 

Sundays are days that seem perfect for personal evaluation and commitment. For a religious person this is naturally accomplished through fully investing myself in repentance and taking the sacrament. But even if you aren't religious, taking the opportunity to evaluate and set a course for improvement is good to do on a quiet Sunday afternoon. 

I had a little shove that prompted me to re-chart my course today. I have been asked to speak in a young women meeting this week about 'the light within' and how the young women can get and retain that light. As soon as the invitation was offered I knew I would talk about the things that I learned from Sister Dalton. This is my opportunity to make my light a little brighter as I encourage the YW to do the same. 

It has made me sad today, to know that I've slipped in my commitment that is only 25 days old. The Holy Ghost doesn't burn as bright within me, and that makes it harder to stay strong and be positive. It's a continuous feedback loop. If I don't keep doing those things I should every single day, then my light dims, and it's harder to see - my vision is distorted. When I am surrounded by people who don't believe as I do, who don't have the same goals I do, who don't desire to do what is right the way I do, it is difficult. Like walking through mud. I am not 'oh, so righteous' but I have a strong desire to do what God asks me. It takes tact, patience, and love, all mixed with fortitude, to accomplish the things I desire. 

This is so hard. Not hard in the way that it's hard to get out of bed in the morning at 5:30 am. Hard in a, not-ever-done, and moderation-in-all-things kind of way. This isn't about racing down a track as fast as I can to a finish line. It's about pacing myself. It's about loving those around me, not ignoring them. It's about flexibility and not loosing my mind when things are out of my control. It's about trying to be happy in the midst of disappointment. It's about doing something worthy of my time, instead of wasting time on things that aren't most important because I'm tired (FYI - sleeping is not a waste of my time). It's about washing and folding everyone's clothes and being OK when no one says thank you.

Yep, that's what it's like. And I really want to do it.