lajendi

Diamond in the Rough (edited*)

 

     The BMI issue is continuing to haunt me. Last week there was an extra paper tucked into A's stellar report card. It was her health report from the school nurse. Her grades were above average, with something exceptional in every subject. She did so well, but there was that little stupid paper, with her BMI glaring, sucking the grandness out of her scholarly accomplishments. 

     Then yesterday I helped in the kitchen at the stake youth fireside. There was a great guy who is a wonderful cook and made all the food (and it was awesome!), he works in a college library, ultra intelligent, friendly, well-spoken and whose wife is expecting a baby any day. Everything is going great in his life - except his BMI. He went to the doctor this month and got the same news my daughter and I did - we're obese. While we discussed BMI's with a group of people, another man spoke up about signing his daughter up for dance lessons. He was told that there are several dance academies in the area that his neighbors steered them away from because they are so focused on the weight of the little girls in their programs.  

     This morning I can't help but feel that there is a reason this theme is repeating itself. At the gym this morning as I laid on the mat stretching after walking/running and biking (mixing it up to keep boredom and pain away) I thought about what to do, if I should do anything. Something came to my mind- 

     My friend Traci once told me something that she loved about her family growing up. There were many kids in her family and several of the older siblings were excelled in academics. They repeatedly came home with great report cards. Then there was her younger brother, his grades bucked the norm in their household, they were not good. The attitude her parents took is that every person is different, that they all had different talents and abilities and that school was not one of her brother's talents, as it was for other members of the family. Her parents helped her brother with his schoolwork and told him that he had other talents, some that hadn't even been found yet. The other kids were told to support their brother and never think less of him because his talents weren't the same as theirs. It was a struggle for him, emotionally and scholastically. *Eventually he did find his talents- he became great at soccer, is the life of the party and took it upon himself to read the Book of Mormon as a teenager. With hard work and diligence he went on to earn his MBA and is now a stock broker. His parents were supportive and enabled his success because they valued him and his talents even before those talents had been fully realized.

     I am impressed by Traci's parents. They believed fully in God's plan for their son. They put their trust in their son, believing that he had amazing talents even if they couldn't see them. Instead of pressuring their son to meet the standards of their other children, they recognized that he was different and valued that difference. They still expected him to try in areas that he didn't excel in, but they didn't pressure him to the point of feeling like a failure. 

     At the gym I tossed these thoughts around in my head, wondering if I can be that kind of parent for A. Can I help her make efforts in an area she isn't good in, while still keeping her personal view of her worth intact?

     Then I heard the nearby exercise instructor say, "David! We need a concert over here, it's her birthday!" I looked over at David who was ambling over to the birthday girl.

     David is at the gym everyday, lifting weights, using the stairclimber, and who knows what else, because he is there before me and stays long after I leave! David has physical disabilities so that his body doesn't work with him, it seems to work against him (cerebral palsy maybe?). Those muscles that rebel against the impulses his brain sends are well-toned from his fierce determination and exercise. Despite the fact that David will never run a race or compete in a fitness competition, he works as hard as those that do. 

     David pulled a harmonica out of no-where and begun to play a blues-y version of "Happy Birthday". It was the best harmonica I've ever heard in person. David has found a way to make his body work for him, he's found talent amidst his shortcomings. It's like his own personal diamond in the rough. We're all a little rough, but we all also have at least one diamond hiding inside us as well. Probably a few emeralds and rubies too. 

     We can't let the world tell us that what we have to give isn't important or worthwhile if it doesn't meet certain criteria. Analyze what your definition of success really is. What I want for my children is happiness and fulfillment, not bags of money (which is what the world thinks success is). Every person can be successful, not every person can be rich or famous. While bodyweight may be a struggle for many of us (and it is important because it effects our longevity and quality of life), it doesn't mean that our other qualities are diminished because of it. I'm just sick of the world trying to tell me, and my family, that we're not up to par. In the end what par is doesn't even matter because I'm not playin' golf!

*After I initially wrote this post I checked my facts with Traci, she corrected a few details about her brother's story. She does have a brother who is a sculptor, I just mixed up which one it is!

Thanks for... Commitment

There are people who run screaming from that word- "commitment." It conjures images of a ball and chain, prison bars, and black widow spiders. How deceptive those images are. If we choose our commitments wisely and carefully they have the potential to lift us to great heights.

Marriage is the big commitment that popular society shuns, deriding it in various media. It's probably what you thought of when you read "ball and chain." My life is better with my ball and chain than it ever would have been without. There is no real way for me to truly realize this, I hope I never have to find out. The commitment of marriage is life saving and soul satisfying. It doesn't always work out like we think- successful or not. But that doesn't mean that the institution of marriage is out of date. Our world needs men and women monogamously committed to each other. 

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My commitment to religion is a constant that has become a great comfort. There have been times where it felt heavy and guilty, but that was largely my own error in perspective. The more I learn about the gospel, the more I feel uplifted and happy. This type of learning isn't something that comes just from reading and praying. The practical application of religion- charity -teaches a cornucopia of wonderful things. Being committed to religion has taught me about integrity, human nature, hope, and human potential. 

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Recently I watched a friend turn down an opportunity that she had previously committed to. I was asked to pick up this responsibility once she laid it down. It was work for me to follow through, but in the end it was a great experience. Through it I watched my friend who gave up the opportunity, she seemed to feel guilty and a bit lost. I feel that she doubted her own abilities, she didn't believe she could do a good job and didn't want the pressure. But once she saw someone else doing it she mourned for what she had lost. It created some awkwardness between us as she felt that I judged her harshly. She completely mis-interpreted me. I felt sad that she wasn't utilizing her talents and abilities, she only saw what she lacked instead of going forward with faith.

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If we commit to something we should follow through, not just for integrity's sake, but for our own sakes. Fear of failure can be paralyzing. Don't let it be. It is better to aim for the moon and miss than to never try, because you always land among the stars. It's a oft used saying, but it's true, there is no shame in failure, only in never trying.

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A few weeks ago I posted that I have volunteered to help with the food co-op newsletter. In the process of getting involved I have gained more responsibility than I intended. While in an email back and forth with the head of the co-op I asked for a clarification of my role. In the end she asked me to be the head of the entire marketing committee! I felt flattered but knew I didn't have the time or energies to commit to it, so I explained and said no thank you. She explained to me that it is so difficult to get people who are truly committed, who do something when they say they will. She is running this cooperative (thus the co-op) venture in which everyone is supposed to volunteer at least 4 hours a month. But they just flat-out aren't doing it. She has appreciated my reliable work and that is why she asked if I would head the committee. It seems that our society is lacking a willingness to commit if it doesn't involve a dollar.

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Not that I'm an angel either. I worked as the primary chorister at church many years ago. I had somehow come to the understanding that the calling was temporary, yet a year after being called I was still there. So I asked to be released from my responsibilities. It turned into a mess. The end result is that I wished I would have just plowed through. I wish I would have been more willing to endure something that was difficult. It would have only benefited me, because I've since had to learn that lesson in more difficult arenas. 

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If we chose carefully, with a self-knowledge of how much we can handle, commitments are great. I'm thankful for my commitments to God, my family, and to my community.

Thanks for... 'Loving Guidance to Show Us the Way.'

To any of my readers who don't appreciate my 'churchy' posts: This has not turned into a church-only blog, so don't go away forever. This week is extra-ordinary in my life so I want to share. There could be something you'll find helpful in these posts, even if you have no interest in my church. 

Stay tuned for regular programming!

I don't know where to start in recapping my evening with wonderful mentors and leaders! Part of this conundrum is that I don't want to misrepresent anything that these great people said. Please understand that as I write my impressions from this meeting they are just that - MY impressions and remembrances about what was said. I am not quoting church leaders so please do not quote any of this as church doctrine or use it in your teaching (unless you find a direct quote from a General Authority). 

A wonderful scripture story was shared by Sister Stevens of the Relief Society board. In John chapter 21 we read the story of the resurrected Savior appearing to the apostles as they fish. They aren't successful in their fishing so Jesus tells them where to cast their nets. When they follow his instructions their nets are filled to the brim, yet their nets don't break. After this they retire to shore where the Savior has prepared a meal of fish and bread for them. Jesus teaches them. Then he asks them, by name, to "feed my sheep." Sister Stevens pointed out an application of this scripture. That first the Savior feeds us and we are filled. Then he asks us to feed his sheep. To me this meant that both of these steps are important in retaining our hope, courage, and faith as we serve. If we are going to the Savior often to be fed we will be better able to feed his sheep. 

Sister Dalton started by telling us what a special opportunity her visit was for her and us. She said that the General Auxiliary President's time is usually reserved for those areas outside the US, that the board members usually make visits within the states. Her visit stemmed from her desire to train stake leaders. That was the only explanation I heard as to why we were blessed with this great opportunity, but I think it also has something to do with trying to get the temple building underway in Philadelphia. Nothing has started, although the temple was announced a year ago. I've only heard rumors as to why this is. 

I appreciated the focus on vision (no we didn't get eye exams) at these trainings. Throughout the evening it was stressed that we need a vision for ourselves, our families, and the young women. Listening to my leaders' inspirational words increased my vision in all areas of my life. Yesterday I spoke about ways I was inspired as a mother, and last night I received a greater vision of my church calling. I have an idea of how to share this concept of vision with my family during a family home evening. I'll get back to you on how it goes. 

The vision of the young women auxiliary is:

Help prepare each young woman to be worthy to make and keep sacred covenants and receive the ordinances of the temple. 

This was repeated again and again, and the importance of it was explained. We should do all we can to help the young women remain worthy and virtuous, we should hold on to them, and try and recover them if they fall away. Sister Dalton plead with us as leaders to hold on to young women, even those that start to stray, and don't let go. It reminded me of the way she shakes the hands of the women she meets, she clasps hands with you and then with her other hand she gently grabs your lower arm. She really makes a connection and looks deeply into your eyes. 

Sister Dalton also encouraged us to thank the young women for their efforts, often. They try so hard, only to be told to do more. She asked us to surround young women with righteous examples. Get to know them, hug them and love them because there are so many who do not get it often enough. 

During one of the most moving moments of the evening Sister Dalton expressed her gratitude for our service with tears in her eyes. She told us that God knows of all we sacrifice to serve him and that he is grateful for us. That brought tears to my eyes, as these special evenings feel like a reward for my endurance. 

Of course Sister Dalton stressed the new Personal Progres value- VIRTUE! The new personal progress books will come out in January (you don't have to order them, they will be sent to you automatically!), the new theme posters (with virtue added) will come at about the same time. The cover for the new books are pink. She said this is very purposeful. The pink is to encourage the YW to be feminine, that we are unequivocal about who we are and our purpose!

As Sister Dalton opened for questions she told us that the young women department in SLC is bombarded with questions through email and snail mail (they read every letter they receive, she checks email everyday!) Before she opened for questions she said there are three things she asks leaders about their questions- 

*Have you counseled with priesthood leaders? (utilizing counsels was emphasized again and again. This consistent with Sister Beck's talk from General Conference)

*Have you read the handbook?

*Have you prayed and asked Heavenly Father?

Sister Dalton taught me by example. She showed me how to answer a question tactfully and with great charity. She taught me that expressing something important and heartfelt doesn't mean that my voice needs to increase in volume. Sister Dalton strengthened my testimony, giving me a more sure witness through the peaceful power of the Holy Ghost. She, and the other leaders in attendance, provided a special experience that filled the room with the Holy Ghost, enabling me to receive personal revelation about my calling and life. I cry often when I feel the Spirit but yesterday I felt the spirit so strongly that I couldn't cry, the joy was too intense.  

I'm not into hero worship. When people used to ask me who my hero was I'd say "Jesus" mostly because I felt that worshipping imperfect people only leads to disappointment. My attitude has changed through watching and learning from Sister Dalton. I now understand that having an imperfect example provides vision for this imperfect person. 

My hero is Sister Elaine Dalton. 

Thanks for... Elaine Dalton

Who is Elaine Dalton and why in all the big world should I be so grateful for her?

Elaine Dalton is a leader in the LDS church. She is specifically the world-wide leader for the young women of the church, girls 12-18.  Her title is General Young Women's President. Considering that the Mormon church now has over 10 million members throughout the world, her position is very respected. Yesterday I was able to meet and talk one-on-one with her for just a few moments, which was a once in a lifetime opportunity. 

Last night was a YW program for a congregation nearby (but not the one I attend weekly). The program is called Young Women in Excellence, where the young women's accomplishments for the year are reviewed and praised. Sister Dalton attended and spoke at this intimate meeting. There were only about 25 people there. It was an opportunity that I wish every young woman and  leader could have. But because not everyone does, I want to share my feelings about the experience. 

As she bore personal witness to the prophetic calling of President Thomas S. Monson I felt the quiet yet very powerful peace of the Holy Ghost. She shared personal experiences she has had with President Monson that witness to her that his calling is from God. The work she does allows her to be with President Monson often and so her testimony of his calling is special. Hearing her express this belief made my own belief stronger. 

When Sister Dalton spoke of the greatness of the young women, of the wonderful program of personal progress that God has provided for them my heart was pricked. Although she never spoke specifically about mothering, I felt inspired to be a better mother. But not in a guilt inducing way. I felt that I am doing a good job as a mother, but I can do better, and now is the time. It invigorated me to improve in several ways. 

I need to help my daughter complete her personal progress goals. Yesterday I gained a greater understanding and spiritual confirmation that this program is not just good, but can be a source of strength to young women. This program is from God, it is NOT just a cute program, with nice ideas to keep teenage girls busy. It is God's way of leading youth through the troubled times in which we live. It is not a waste of time, or a pursuit of meaningless goals. It has the potential to change lives and alter the course of a young women's life - setting her on the path of success and faithfulness. My goal is to talk to my daughter each Sunday about her goals and do what I can to help her accomplish them. 

Another aspect in which I felt inspired to improve is in caring for the appearance of my home. I have not been able to keep a spotless home because of my health issues, but I haven't made the efforts I should either. And this isn't just about the house being clean, it is about providing an atmosphere in which my children feel loved, cherished, even royal. 

The decor and spirit of the event last night went hand in hand. Sister Dalton praised the leaders for the efforts they expended for the young women, that it expresses their love to the girls they serve. (The leaders made black silhouettes of each girl with an oval white mat and gold frame, these were hung on two gold wire trees, in between which was a B&W picture of the temple. There was a nicely framed B&W version of the YW theme as well as papercut silhouettes of temple scenes. The tablecloths were B&W in a damask pattern with gold accents. There were chair covers for the YW's chairs, and a pennant with the YW torch symbol in gold representing each YW. BEAUTIFUL!) 

This made me realize that what I do to make my home a nice place to be shows my love for my family. I recently heard that if we display children's artwork and portraits in our homes it shows them that they are highly valued. I haven't taken the time to display these things, although I value them very much. What I do to make my home special doesn't have to take a lot of money, or necessarily even time, but I do have to exert some effort and realize that it does have important meaning. Instead of recognizing this in the past I have discounted it as worldliness. There is a happy medium between the two.  So this morning I made myself clean before I sat in this chair at the computer. If I were to do this every free morning, it would go a long way towards improving our home. 

I want to share a scripture that Sister Dalton read to the young women. I've read this scripture many times but never did I think about it in the way I did last night.

 And again I would exhort you that ye would ^acome unto Christ, and lay hold upon every good ^bgift, and ^ctouch not the evil gift, nor the ^dunclean thing.

 And ^aawake, and arise from the dust, O Jerusalem; yea, and put on thy beautiful garments, O daughter of ^bZion; and ^cstrengthen thy ^dstakes and enlarge thy borders forever, that thou mayest ^eno more be confounded, that the covenants of the Eternal Father which he hath made unto thee, O house of Israel, may be fulfilled.

 Yea, ^acome unto Christ, and be ^bperfected in him, and ^cdeny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and ^dlove God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be ^eperfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.

Moroni 10:30-32

I won't share specifically what this scripture meant to me last night, I feel that is too personal for a blog entry. But I hope that as you read it something stood out to you also. The scriptures are a never-ending blessing. 

When I had a moment to speak with Sister Dalton she praised me for wearing my Young Women Recognition pendant. Hers was strung on a long beautiful gold and pearl necklace. She spoke of the changes in the personal progress program (adding virtue as a value) and the new, soon to be released, personal progress booklet. The changes they are making helps me feel that our leaders do understand the challenges we are facing, and that God is inspiring them with ways to help us and our children. 

Sister Elaine Dalton is a wonderful example to me as a mother and leader. She has a special testimony to share and I was blessed to hear it. I will also be taught by Sister Dalton and other leaders this afternoon. What an opportunity. I know that in receiving this special opportunity I am obligated by the Holy Ghost, who bore witness to me, that I need to share my testimony of this experience with others.

 Sister Elaine Dalton is called of God and serves him in a humble yet powerful way. I am so grateful for her influence today. 

My Two Cents - O Remember, Remember

It is November, season of thanksgiving. Last year I posted a gratitude post every day of November and I've decided to do it again this year. I'm doing this for myself. This talk by Elder Eyring explains why. Even if you don't see yourself as an overtly religious person, writing daily the things you are grateful for can brighten your life. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite times of the year.

So here's my two cents on Elder Eyring's talk from October 2007 - O Remember, Remember. This talk goes hand in hand with the one I posted last week. 

My comments are in blue and italics like this.

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When our children were very small, I started to write down a few things about what happened every day. Let me tell you how that got started. I came home late from a Church assignment. It was after dark. My father-in-law, who lived near us, surprised me as I walked toward the front door of my house. He was carrying a load of pipes over his shoulder, walking very fast and dressed in his work clothes. I knew that he had been building a system to pump water from a stream below us up to our property.

He smiled, spoke softly, and then rushed past me into the darkness to go on with his work. I took a few steps toward the house, thinking of what he was doing for us, and just as I got to the door, I heard in my mind—not in my own voice—these words: “I’m not giving you these experiences for yourself. Write them down.”

I've had these sorts of promptings before, to write things down in my journal. Often I don't understand why I should write it down.  That type of writing is different than any other, for me. I write without concern for an audience, it is the most honest portrayal of my feelings and experiences, from my point of view. I have found that interesting things happen in my mind when I write in my journal. There is a comprehension of life that doesn't come if I rush from one thing to another without mental processing. This process helps me on many levels, a few are: comprehension of blessings, greater understanding of other's actions, clarity of purpose, and the realization that I need to apologize. This then helps me when I pray, to lay my life before God and process with him those things I have learned from my journal writing. 

I went inside. I didn’t go to bed. Although I was tired, I took out some paper and began to write. And as I did, I understood the message I had heard in my mind. I was supposed to record for my children to read, someday in the future, how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family. Grandpa didn’t have to do what he was doing for us. He could have had someone else do it or not have done it at all. But he was serving us, his family, in the way covenant disciples of Jesus Christ always do. I knew that was true. And so I wrote it down, so that my children could have the memory someday when they would need it.

I don't know how my journal writings will effect my children. Honestly I try not to think about it too much when I write, or I'm won't be as honest as I should be. It is my hope that if I am real and honest in my journal writing my children will know the real me. They will see that I wasn't perfect, they will better understand my personal struggles and recognize my faith in the midst of it all. I don't want to erect an impossible image of myself. I want my daughters to know that being a mom is hard work, but worth it. I want my children to know that marriage is hard, how to work at it, and that their father and I had to work constantly to retain a good relationship. I want my children to know that I had questions about morals, faith, doctrine, relationships and it all. Hopefully when they see that I questioned, and eventually had those questions answered, it will give them strength to continue when they have questions. I just don't see much use in journal writing if I'm not open and honest.  

I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.

This is true. If we don't take the time to concretely recognize the great things, even if small, in our lives then we don't remember them, we don't take an accounting, we take them for granted. 

More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.

This is an important part of prayer - recognition of the prayer being answered. I believe I can pray to God for even the smallest of things, even a bad hair day. But how readily will God continue to bless me if I don't recognize the answers when he gives them? It can teach us how God works if we recognize how he answers our prayers. 

The years have gone by. My boys are grown men. And now and then one of them will surprise me by saying, “Dad, I was reading in my copy of the journal about when …” and then he will tell me about how reading of what happened long ago helped him notice something God had done in his day.

My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness. It will build our testimonies. You may not keep a journal. You may not share whatever record you keep with those you love and serve. But you and they will be blessed as you remember what the Lord has done. You remember that song we sometimes sing: “Count your many blessings; name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.”2

A moment of irreverence now- Count Your Many Blessings will forever be associated with Elmer Fudd for me. When DH and I were dating he would lean over and sing this song to me in an Elmer Fudd voice during church. Now the kids even know this private joke. So I always look very very happy to be counting my blessings when singing this song. 

It won’t be easy to remember. Living as we do with a veil over our eyes, we cannot remember what it was like to be with our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, in the premortal world; nor can we see with our physical eyes or with reason alone the hand of God in our lives. Seeing such things takes the Holy Ghost. And it is not easy to be worthy of the Holy Ghost’s companionship in a wicked world.

This reminds me of Elder Scott's quote from last week's talk, of trying to listen to the spirit while influenced by bad things- "When such influences are present, it is like trying to savor the delicate flavor of a grape while eating a jalapeño pepper. Both flavors are present, but one completely overpowers the other. In like manner, strong emotions overcome the delicate promptings of the Holy Spirit." This week I have remembered that quote and it influenced my opinion in one huge area of my life - music. I think what a person's spirit is sensitive to can be a little different from person to person but this particular area is one I could improve in and it would allow the spirit to have greater influence for good in my life.

That is why forgetting God has been such a persistent problem among His children since the world began. Think of the times of Moses, when God provided manna and in miraculous and visible ways led and protected His children. Still, the prophet warned the people who had been so blessed, as prophets always have warned and always will: “Take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life.”3

This is why prayer and scripture study should be daily habits. We forget too easily. 

And the challenge to remember has always been the hardest for those who are blessed abundantly. Those who are faithful to God are protected and prospered. That comes as the result of serving God and keeping His commandments. But with those blessings comes the temptation to forget their source. It is easy to begin to feel the blessings were granted not by a loving God on whom we depend but by our own powers. The prophets have repeated this lament over and over:

“And thus we can behold how false, and also the unsteadiness of the hearts of the children of men; yea, we can see that the Lord in his great infinite goodness doth bless and prosper those who put their trust in him.

“Yea, and we may see at the very time when he doth prosper his people, yea, in the increase of their fields, their flocks and their herds, and in gold, and in silver, and in all manner of precious things of every kind and art; sparing their lives, and delivering them out of the hands of their enemies; softening the hearts of their enemies that they should not declare wars against them; yea, and in fine, doing all things for the welfare and happiness of his people; yea, then is the time that they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, and do trample under their feet the Holy One—yea, and this because of their ease, and their exceedingly great prosperity.”

And the prophet goes on to say: “Yea, how quick to be lifted up in pride; yea, how quick to boast, and do all manner of that which is iniquity; and how slow are they to remember the Lord their God, and to give ear unto his counsels, yea, how slow to walk in wisdom’s paths!”4

This is applicable to our society today. Never before has man been so temporally blessed as they are in the U.S. right now. Yet God is increasingly being set aside, and man relies on his own knowledge and power. Which isn't as great as we think it is. 

Sadly, prosperity is not the only reason people forget God. It can also be hard to remember Him when our lives go badly. When we struggle, as so many do, in grinding poverty or when our enemies prevail against us or when sickness is not healed, the enemy of our souls can send his evil message that there is no God or that if He exists He does not care about us. Then it can be hard for the Holy Ghost to bring to our remembrance the lifetime of blessings the Lord has given us from our infancy and in the midst of our distress.

There is a simple cure for the terrible malady of forgetting God, His blessings, and His messages to us. Jesus Christ promised it to His disciples when He was about to be crucified, resurrected, and then taken away from them to ascend in glory to His Father. They were concerned to know how they would be able to endure when He was no longer with them.

Here is the promise. It was fulfilled for them then. It can be fulfilled for all of us now:

“These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.

“But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.”5

The key to the remembering that brings and maintains testimony is receiving the Holy Ghost as a companion. It is the Holy Ghost who helps us see what God has done for us. It is the Holy Ghost who can help those we serve to see what God has done for them.

There have been times in my life when I desperately needed comfort but felt it was not coming; wondering if God no longer loved me or even existed. It took something as simple as honest prayer for the comfort of heaven to be sent. Sometimes it is even instantaneous. If I need help, I have to ask for it. 

Heavenly Father has given a simple pattern for us to receive the Holy Ghost not once but continually in the tumult of our daily lives. The pattern is repeated in the sacramental prayer: We promise that we will always remember the Savior. We promise to take His name upon us. We promise to keep His commandments. And we are promised that if we do that, we will have His Spirit to be with us.6 Those promises work together in a wonderful way to strengthen our testimonies and in time, through the Atonement, to change our natures as we keep our part of the promise.

The gospel is a brilliant scaffolding. It has many pieces and parts, so many that it is hard to comprehend it all. Yet if we take it, piece by piece, and use it then it brings great strength and growth. If we insist on leaving some of it out (i.e. not attending church or not serving others), then the support structure of the gospel is weakened just as a scaffolding is when missing a piece. We can't live the gospel perfectly, but we can try to understand and include as much as we possibly can in our lives. 

It is the Holy Ghost who testifies that Jesus Christ is the Beloved Son of a Heavenly Father who loves us and wants us to have eternal life with Him in families. With even the beginning of that testimony, we feel a desire to serve Him and to keep His commandments. When we persist in doing that, we receive the gifts of the Holy Ghost to give us power in our service. We come to see the hand of God more clearly, so clearly that in time we not only remember Him, but we come to love Him and, through the power of the Atonement, become more like Him.

You might ask, “But how does this process get started in someone who knows nothing about God and claims no memory of spiritual experiences at all?” Everyone has had spiritual experiences that they may not have recognized. Every person, upon entering the world, is given the Spirit of Christ. How that spirit works is described in the book of Moroni:

“For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.

“But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him. …

“Wherefore, I beseech of you, brethren, that ye should search diligently in the light of Christ that ye may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ.”7

So, even before people receive the right to the gifts of the Holy Ghost, when they are confirmed as members of the Church, and even before the Holy Ghost confirms truth to them before baptism, they have spiritual experiences. The Spirit of Christ has already, from their childhood, invited them to do good and warned them against evil. They have memories of those experiences even if they have not recognized their source. That memory will come back to them as missionaries or we teach them the word of God and they hear it. They will remember the feeling of joy or sorrow when they are taught the truths of the gospel. This is a beautiful post by my friend Emily that illustrates this point. And that memory of the Spirit of Christ will soften their hearts to allow the Holy Ghost to testify to them. That will lead them to keep commandments and want to take the name of the Savior upon them. And when they do, in the waters of baptism, and as they hear the words in confirmation “Receive the Holy Ghost” spoken by an authorized servant of God, the power to always remember God will be increased.

Every person, devotedly religious or not, has the opportunity to feel the peace offered by the Holy Ghost. If you want to feel it, there is a way. 

I testify to you that the warm feelings you have had as you have listened to truth being spoken in this conference are from the Holy Ghost. The Savior, who promised that the Holy Ghost would come, is the beloved, glorified Son of our Heavenly Father.

Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him. I testify that He loves us and blesses us, more than most of us have yet recognized. I know that is true, and it brings me joy to remember Him. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Henry B. Eyring, “O Remember, Remember,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 66–69

Pick a Cause, if You Can

Listening to NPR yesterday in the car I heard them throw out a statistic - every minute a woman somewhere in the world dies in pregnancy or childbirth. The story went on to relate how many women in the world still lack adequate medical care. (I won't go into a rant about how frustrated I am that the powers that be look to contraception as the best remedy for these childbirth-related deaths. How about just providing medical care, that includes contraception if the woman wants it?)

Last night I cried while watching the news. An Ecuadorian grandfather and his son went out to walk the dog last week and were held up at gunpoint. When the assailant held the gun to his son's head the elderly man pushed the gun away from his son. In the fight over the gun the man was shot to death and his son was injured. The son said, "He always said he would do anything for his children, that he would die for us," and then he began to cry. They showed the man's wife, saying that everywhere she looks she sees her husband, she smells him, he is everywhere. It made me so sad for the violence in the city that effects the innocent. It makes you want to attend the candlelight vigils for peace, to do something to support positive change.

Then I looked through the mail. There was a survey from our local nature conservancy group. Ok, I thought, I'll take a minute to give my feedback. By the end of the survey I realized it was an attempt at fundraising. I love nature and I appreciate what this organization has done for our area. This cause is something I might support with my time and money. 

As I laid in bed about to go to sleep I caught the beginning of a program on PBS - Including Samuel. It was about the inclusion of handicap children in traditional classrooms. The film-maker's little boy was so cute, and obviously enjoying school. Of course I support inclusion. It reminded me of the girl with Down's Syndrome I aided in high school. Reading over the same Dick and Jane book with her every day helped me appreciate my own ability to learn and progress. 

This morning I went for an abdominal ultrasound (checking out the gall bladder). The woman who administered the ultrasound will be taking her Dad home from a rehab hospital today. He had bypass surgery a few weeks ago and Medicare won't pay for any more hospital days despite the fact that his wound is infected and his white count is increasing. There was a whole litany of problems in the medical system that she's become aware of since her father's heart surgery. She said, "I'm the type of person who looks for the positive in any bad situation. What am I supposed to learn from this? So now I will be an advocate for patient's rights." I wished her and her father all my best when I left. Then I wondered if I should speak out more about my frustrations with the medical system, to help facilitate change. 

Everywhere I turn there is a cause that pulls at my heart. But I haven't even done my visiting teaching or finished my kid's Halloween costumes. Not to mention the newsletter for the Food Co-op and the flyer for the church youth dance. 'Choose ye this day whom ye will serve' sounds like such an easy thing to do. I choose to serve God, but how exactly to do that isn't easy. It is different for every person and  circumstances are constantly changing. 

For right now my two year old is pulling on me and crying so I guess she comes first. 

Faith, Miracles, and a New Calling

Almost a month ago I wrote an essay for Mormonwomen.org about faith and miracles. As sometimes happens, the essay just didn't fit in the schedule for a while. Today this essay, that deals with some issues which are very personal, is posted.

It is not a coincidence that on the same day my own essay reminds me of faith and hope, I receive a new calling at church. It took a huge amount of faith to accept this calling. With all that is happening in my life, it was a leap of faith to say "yes". That scene from the 3rd Indiana Jones movie comes to mind - the one where Indiana has to step into what looks like a giant chasm, but there turns out to be an optical illusion and there really is a rock bridge under his feet.

I feel like I've just taken the step, but my foot hasn't landed on solid ground yet. I don't know that I can do this calling, stay healthy, take care of my family, and continue with college classes. I don't know at all. But I have faith.

"faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true." Alma 32:21

I believe that God knows what is going on with my body and will lead me to get the help I need to serve him. I also know that God, through his servants (my church leaders), has asked me to serve him in this specific way - in a calling that demands not only faithful understanding of the gospel but also that I be an example.

Honestly, I'm scared, I don't have a perfect knowledge of how this will work out. I do know it won't be easy, even the stake counselor that called me told me as much.

What I do know is what I've learned from my previous callings. I know that God will help me accomplish more than I could ever do without him. I know that God can help me serve while being ill, or he can heal me. I know that I have choices, I can change my life to fit what God asks of me. I know that my husband is supportive and loving, that he will help me manage. I know God will help and bless my family in ways I can't see now. I know that I will have wonderful uplifting, and fun, experiences serving as the 2nd counselor in the stake young women's presidency.

Feeling Better

After feeling like I was going to DIE this weekend we have found the problem and I am on the mend. First, just to keep you on the edge of your seat, let me make sure you understand what the problem was.

My hair has been falling out. Not a little, a lot. Like my husband was sweet and said he didn't notice but when I mentioned it to R. this morning she said, "Ya, I noticed something about your hair but I didn't want to say anything." There has been an ugly monster around the shower drain every time I step out. You tell me that's not scary, and not just from a vain point of view.

My muscles hurt, my joints hurt. My days were spent laying around with a heating pad and ice pack. So I gave in and took the muscle relaxers the doctor gave because the pain was so great. They took the cutting edge off the pain. 

Headaches that just weren't going away despite the meds that were supposed to be making it better. Then those PT exercises every day. That just seemed like cruel torture on top of everything else.

Food has lost it's savor. When you prefer Ramen noodles to real food - there's a problem. Even going out to dinner with DH left me shrugging. There was a nausea, dizziness, a sensitivity to odors. This is a problem when you're doing the grocery shopping and cooking for everyone else.

I'm confused, it's hard to keep a train of thought moving in my head. I repeat a word over and over again as I try to tell that little train, "I think I can , I think I can, I think I can!" just to finish a sentence. This morning just to fill out the kid's school picture form I DH had to help me.

Now, I know you're all winking at each other and nodding, oh, she's preggers. That's it. No. That isn't it. If I were on top of everything else I'd absolutely fall apart. My body just can't handle it. Steps have been taken. Let me assure you.

In fact I've learned that many of these problems I'm listing are symptoms of malnutrition, like what happens when you're pregnant and the baby gets all the good stuff. I'm losing weight, but not in a good way.

So to accompany all this I've been a little emotional. Not so surprising considering I felt like I'd disintegrate into a pile of goo at any moment. But it was more than that, it was depression brought on by medication.

Thankfully this past weekend was General Conference for our church. So that meant none of the usual demanding responsibilities for me. Which was such a mercy because I could not have done it, I was flat on my back. Another reason it was a mercy was because we were able to stay home and receive wisdom and counsel from our leaders.

Elder Richard G. Scott

 To some it may sound crazy, to others it confirms the faith we share, when I say that I received direct and indirect answers to my prayers and pleadings to God for help.

The problems I listed above were caused by a medication for headaches that the Neurologist prescribed. When I visited with the Neurologist a few days ago he asked if I had side effects but I couldn't answer.  Which is the sign of one of the side effects - mental sluggishness. Instead he got agitated that I didn't answer his question. I don't know why he didn't identify the other side effects, it just makes me really sad that someone I went to for help let me down. It occured to me Sunday morning that this drug could be the problem. I reduced the dosage, felt better and then looked up the side effects on the internet. This specific drug has to be tapered up and down, so I'm slowly tapering off it. Already I feel the symptoms easing. But it will take months for my body to return to normal.

At the same time I can be happy that this isn't something lasting or permanent and that God answered my prayers so quickly. I am also so grateful because yesterday at PT they assessed my progress and my knees are stronger and have less pain than a month ago. The other health issues I've had have been so overwhelming that I haven't fully appreciated the healing in my knees. But it is getting better.

Real healing takes work, like physical therapy. Medications can be helpful. But be wise about it. Taking a medication is not a quick fix. There is a trade off, a side effect - long or short term. Please be sure you know about the medications you are taking. Each body is individual, one med that works wonders for one person will nearly kill another. So I won't tell you what med it was that didn't work for me.

Never turn over the responsibility for your body to someone else completely. I didn't think that was what I was doing. But maybe I was so tired and so much in pain that I wasn't being as careful with this gift of my body as I should have been.

Nearer My God to Thee

Nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee!

E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me;

Still all my song shall be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee!

Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,

Darkness be over me, my rest a stone;

Yet in my dreams I'd be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!

There let the way appear steps unto heav'n;

All that Thou sendest me in mercy giv'n;

Angels to beckon me nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!

Then with my waking thoughts bright with Thy praise,

Out of my stony griefs Bethel I'll raise;

So by my woes to be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, my God, to Thee*, nearer to Thee!

Or if on joyful wing, cleaving the sky,

Sun, moon, and stars forgot, upwards I fly,

Still all my song shall be, nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!

    By Sarah Flower Adams

Genesis 28:11-12 "And he [Jacob] lighted upon a certain place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set; and he took of the stones of that place, and put them for his pillows, and lay down in that place to sleep.And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it."

.

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*There could be a problem with this link, I apologize if there is. It is a chapter out of a book called My Parents Married on a Dare and Other Favorite Essays on Life By Carl Broderick . The points outlined in this chapter were so integral to what I am trying to convey here that I felt it was worth linking to despite the possible technical difficulties. If it doesn't work now, come back and try again later. 

Phoenix Rising

I'm too excited about this to believe in the modern-day superstition that to speak of a good thing before it happens is to doom it's birth. And it's not like these thoughts are new, they've been circling my brain for a while. There is some of evidence of their reality too, it's not just fantasy, wishful thinking, or lucky number 7.

The past few years have been painfully difficult with living far from family, a painful body (especially knees), and overwhelming church service.

Living far from family isn't going to change, but I realized as I went to the elementary school open house that our children will be attending the same schools for the third year in a row. That has only happened once, for our oldest child, a long time ago. This kind of stability is invaluable for our children, it brings comfort and prosperity to their world in a way nothing else can. I'm grateful for it and have a feeling, against everything the media tells me, that this good in our lives will continue.

Yesterday I went to my first physical therapy appointment for my knees. It was encouraging, although not a miracle cure. The physical therapist said he felt we could get the pain in my knees down to a 1 or a 2 (now 5 or a 6) without medication. He even said he'd get me back to running. I told him I just didn't think it was wise to go down that road with my physical realities of loose ligaments and arthritic knees. He thought I was giving up. I told him it was nothing of the sort, just realism. I'm very much for getting better, but walking and cycling for exercise instead. The thought of things getting better after two years of hurting makes me absolutely ebullient!

Then there is the secret that we're not supposed to talk about, and this just drives me nuts. Because it is huge. It could be the biggest change in my life, it will make all the difference. We're really not even supposed to know. There could be changes at church soon that could relieve a lot of pressure. I'm giddy, confused, nervous, all turned around. Change does that kind of thing to a person. What would normal do to me after abnormal for so long?

I make it sound so rosy. But the key to these three things is that they all take work. I have never been afraid of work. It makes me feel good to really work. Work does take time, that can be the catch sometimes. Really it's the toil and strain of emotional and spiritual work that have filled the last three years that is - stick a fork in it - DONE. Give me leg lifts and 5 am wake ups in exchange for happy stable children and adult friendships any time.

 

All these things together make me feel like a phoenix, who has been in the fire for three long years. Maybe the cleansing of the fire is over and I'm about to take flight.