lajendi

The "Art" of Raising Children

I've stolen the idea for this post from Annie W. at Segullah. My comment there is my post here. There are owies in my life today with a last minute neurologist appointment - not many answers and more prescriptions I'm not sure I want to take, I don't feel like explaining now. So let's talk mothering and art instead. I enjoy both of those things sooo much much more than owies.

"What images in art capture your experience as a mother?"

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Breakfast in Bed, Mary Cassatt

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Any Mary Cassatt painting would be Baby. She’s been so easy going. Fitting into our family life like a dream.

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Composition A, Piet Mondrian

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Mondrian would be my son. Exactness and linear, he likes legos and math. Tell him exactly what to do, not sort-of what to do. Yet that doesn’t mean he isn’t sweet and beautiful in his own right.

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Portrait of Anne, Countess of Chesterfield, By Thomas Gainsborough

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My second oldest daughter is difficult to pin down. Probably something Gothic or Rococo, ornate and complicated. In the end very well done and beautiful with few flaws. Time consuming though

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Campbell's soup 1, Andy Warhol

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My oldest daughter reminds me of eighties rock and Andy Warhol. She, of course, would look at his work and say, “What are you talking about Mom!?” It makes me smile that she loves Converse when I would have loved to own a pair at her age but didn’t have the money back then. Now I tease that I may buy a pair just to bug her. We are alike, but not alike. How confusing it is to parent a teenager while still feeling like one yourself. Yes, definately Andy Warhol.

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What images in art capture your experiences as a mother, sister, daughter, friend?

Why baptism?

A few months ago we had a family from our church over for dinner. Spontaneously they began to share amazing stories from their life with us. With their permission I wrote about one of these stories for the Mormon Women website. It is about their wrestle with the concept of infant baptism in the church they were born into.

In the church that I belong to, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (or Mormons) we have a different perspective on baptism. I explain it in the post at Mormon Women. Check it out.

National Parks by Ken Burns

Here's a reminder to watch the new Ken Burns documentary The National Parks on PBS. It actually started last night but I forgot to remind you.  If you missed the first episode in the series you can watch it online.

 I would be a different person without our family trips to National Parks.

I remember learning endurance when, as a tiny child, my parents tortured my small frail legs by forcing me to hike at Arches National Park. Only to then hike it as an adult and learn that I was being a whiner all those years ago. Then I saw the pictures and realized that they made me hike in a dress and then I  knew that they were mean!

We went to Yellowstone too, the National Park and an elementary school named after it. The paint pots were hysterically funny- What's not to love about a naturally occuring feature that smells and sounds like farts and makes bubbles?! Old Faithful Geyser is such a part of who I am that it is astonishing to me that my children haven't been there, how could I be so derelict in my parental duties? It is so fresh in my mind, but really it has been too long since I've felt the geyser spray on my face. The lake, the falls, the hikes that are too long because you want to see just one more rainbow pool. We've got to get back there.

I think it was there that my Dad first taught us about manners in nature. Pick up everything, but not the flowers. Stay on the trail. Don't touch animals, never feed them. Be quiet. Leave it better than you found it. These rules were sacred. I mean even more than when we were at home. I felt it when we were out there.

My parents were brave. There was a trip, in my faint memory, down to the dusty southwest. Mesa Verde and Carlsbad Caverns. Being the parent of children now I know they must have had a deep desire to see those places to be willing to drag four children along. It could not have been a picnic. At Mesa Verde there was whining about heat and lack of water. Now I wish, I really really wish, I could remember seeing it.

At Carlsbad my little brother freaked out so Mom spent her day sitting on the rim of the cave. Back then I didn't think a wit about what my parents were getting out of it. At Carlsbad I thought how cool it was to ride an elevator in a cave. Then I got chills, and not the scared kind, as I watched the bats rush out of the cave by the hundreds. When we got home I loved to tell my friends where I went on my summer vacation. Not to Disneyland, but to Mesa Verde and Carlsbad Caverns. It just danced off my tongue.

That's just a few I can think of this afternoon. Thank you to all of you co-owners in the National Parks. I've used more than my fair share of them in my lifetime, but I still need to see those Giant Redwoods and Yosemite.

Tell me, how have you used the National Parks? And which one do you want to see that you haven't yet?

Nearer My God to Thee

Nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee!

E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me;

Still all my song shall be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee!

Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,

Darkness be over me, my rest a stone;

Yet in my dreams I'd be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!

There let the way appear steps unto heav'n;

All that Thou sendest me in mercy giv'n;

Angels to beckon me nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!

Then with my waking thoughts bright with Thy praise,

Out of my stony griefs Bethel I'll raise;

So by my woes to be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, my God, to Thee*, nearer to Thee!

Or if on joyful wing, cleaving the sky,

Sun, moon, and stars forgot, upwards I fly,

Still all my song shall be, nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!

    By Sarah Flower Adams

Genesis 28:11-12 "And he [Jacob] lighted upon a certain place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set; and he took of the stones of that place, and put them for his pillows, and lay down in that place to sleep.And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it."

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*There could be a problem with this link, I apologize if there is. It is a chapter out of a book called My Parents Married on a Dare and Other Favorite Essays on Life By Carl Broderick . The points outlined in this chapter were so integral to what I am trying to convey here that I felt it was worth linking to despite the possible technical difficulties. If it doesn't work now, come back and try again later. 

Burpee Fordhook Garden

A few days ago Aunt Edith sent this friendly email:

"Are  you close to this town at all?  Sounds like it would be beautiful."

with a link to the Burpee Fordhook Farm.

Even though the house was a mess and the laundry needed folding I went today. Because those things will wait until tomorrow when the family will be home to help me and then it will be raining outside.

The main house on the garden side

The main house on the driveway side

I asked Baby to smell the flower so she could provide scale for this huge Hydrangea. It must have looked like ice cream though, because she's trying to lick it.

These seed pods are intricate and beautiful in a less flashy way than flowers. 

The aneomes were so pretty. Just simple fresh beauty. The photos don't do them justice.

We found the pond and Baby did her best to make it shallow (by throwing rocks in). Even the Burpee people have garden issues. Around the pond in a few places the hostas are eaten down to stumps by the deer. Up by the barn there are toadstools in the lawn too. I think it's kinda pretty, but maybe it's consolation to those of you who stress out over a perfect lawn.

Baby trying to see the water under the bridge (there wasn't any).

This is the entrance to the Cook's and Kitchen Gardens. They were my favorites.

Baby and Begonias

Zinnias and Morning Glory on the fence.

In the background you can see the Settlement House.

The way the sun hit this morning glory it glowed inside. As I bent to take the picture the bee landed for his chance at fame. 

Flaming Zinnias (if I remember the name correctly)

It surprised me how few veggies they had, no zucchini, I saw one pumpkin, a few beans. They did have corn, lettuce, chard, some herbs. The watermelons looked great, a few needed to be picked. Hello, volunteering! Even Burpee couldn't avoid the tomato blight that went around this area.  Baby recognized the yellow cherry tomatoes they had left hanging on the dead vines and wanted to pick them like she does at home. 

A really pretty variety of Coleus. The white blossoms against the green and black leaves was striking. 

If memory serves this was a variety of impatient, it was in the shade. Maybe not, the flowers are a little larger and more like a petunia. I should have written things down. (Yea, right. With a two year old in tow) It brightened up the corner so nicely. This flower reminds me of a quilt - my mother-in-law could make that one!

It was neat to see the workings of Burpee, in one area they had a ton of varieties of one plant, every one labeled with a metal sign. 

You could see they were experimenting with some very fine modification. It is so much effort and patience as they wait out the seasons to see what time, weather, and bugs do to plants. I lean towards organic methods now but I appreciate what has been done to make gardening accessible to everyone.  I think strict organic methods would be overwhelming for beginners. In the strictest sense, I'm not even organic - I don't compost properly, I don't have a winter cover crop, and etc.

We're off to the sculpture garden...

Far...

Near!

Far....

Near!

Can you see? It is made of bronze ABC's and 123's!

That's a lot of pictures for one day, thanks for looking at them all. I wanted to share them all with Edith so maybe she could pass them on to her garden club. 

Edith, I thought about you and Grandpa today. This sculpture made me think of him especially. It is an old tractor part (can't think of what it is called) the way it is bent and where they have it laying under the pine trees it reminds me of a giant pine cone. Baby liked it but was a little afraid to touch it, like it would be pokey like a pine cone. Thanks for telling me about this, it was a beautiful relaxing morning. 

 

Many thanks to Baby for going with me. No garden is complete without a cute baby trapsing through it. She was the only child there today, she brought smiles to many faces. Waving at everyone she sees, then she gets a sudden attack of shyness and hides. It was better than going alone, and you can't always say that about taking kids along.

 

There is always Hope

Phoenix Rising

I'm too excited about this to believe in the modern-day superstition that to speak of a good thing before it happens is to doom it's birth. And it's not like these thoughts are new, they've been circling my brain for a while. There is some of evidence of their reality too, it's not just fantasy, wishful thinking, or lucky number 7.

The past few years have been painfully difficult with living far from family, a painful body (especially knees), and overwhelming church service.

Living far from family isn't going to change, but I realized as I went to the elementary school open house that our children will be attending the same schools for the third year in a row. That has only happened once, for our oldest child, a long time ago. This kind of stability is invaluable for our children, it brings comfort and prosperity to their world in a way nothing else can. I'm grateful for it and have a feeling, against everything the media tells me, that this good in our lives will continue.

Yesterday I went to my first physical therapy appointment for my knees. It was encouraging, although not a miracle cure. The physical therapist said he felt we could get the pain in my knees down to a 1 or a 2 (now 5 or a 6) without medication. He even said he'd get me back to running. I told him I just didn't think it was wise to go down that road with my physical realities of loose ligaments and arthritic knees. He thought I was giving up. I told him it was nothing of the sort, just realism. I'm very much for getting better, but walking and cycling for exercise instead. The thought of things getting better after two years of hurting makes me absolutely ebullient!

Then there is the secret that we're not supposed to talk about, and this just drives me nuts. Because it is huge. It could be the biggest change in my life, it will make all the difference. We're really not even supposed to know. There could be changes at church soon that could relieve a lot of pressure. I'm giddy, confused, nervous, all turned around. Change does that kind of thing to a person. What would normal do to me after abnormal for so long?

I make it sound so rosy. But the key to these three things is that they all take work. I have never been afraid of work. It makes me feel good to really work. Work does take time, that can be the catch sometimes. Really it's the toil and strain of emotional and spiritual work that have filled the last three years that is - stick a fork in it - DONE. Give me leg lifts and 5 am wake ups in exchange for happy stable children and adult friendships any time.

 

All these things together make me feel like a phoenix, who has been in the fire for three long years. Maybe the cleansing of the fire is over and I'm about to take flight.

Seeing Family

DH and I were overwhelmed today, I won't go into details. It's the usual stuff of life. Thankfully we're working together to get through it, not tustling against each other as we figure it out. This afternoon as he gave me a hug of comfort I sighed and said, "We just need to...."

And then I laughed. We don't know what, or we'd do it.

Later in the day I thought how nice it would be to see my family today. To hear my brothr-in-law Nick tell me his latest brush with death in a industrial garbage can. Or my sister Carrie could tell me the newest invention on the street for getting around a drug test (she's the one testing for drugs, not the one being tested) My son J. would love it if he could go for a ride on a 4 wheeler with uncle David again. There is a picture up on the bulletin board at church right now that says just that.

It would be recovering a missed opportunity to spend an afternoon fishing with my sister Cammie and her son. To be with Kathy and her kids would be better than hiring a babysitter, our kids love to be together, they just get each other in ways that only cousins can. (I think they have secret meetings about the idiosyncrasies of their mothers). Then Tom is a mysterious figure we'd all like a little more time with. And don't get me started on being with my Mom and Dad because I can't cry right now, there's a mid-term I need to study for.

So when I came home from an open house at the elementary school and found an email from Aunt Edith with info about old family pictures it was a family visit I never even expected. I had seen fuzzy black and white pictures of my great grandparents before but never in color, and never this clear. It's the end of a long tiring day so forgive me if I got teary eyed. But here they are. Sylvia and Earl Harris, my great grandparents (the middle couple)

Then there is a picture of the hospital where my grandparents met. It is a Florence Nightingale-type story. My grandpa had appendicitis and my grandma was his nurse, in this little hospital.

We're not alone, there is always a cheering section we can't see. Sometimes we get reminders. Thanks for sending the photos today Edith. Love you, I'm your cheering section!

Double click on the photos to get a better view.

Downs and Ups of Family Life

DH and R. are sick. I think Baby is on her way there too. My head hurt all day, the meds were helping this week so it made it feel like a setback. Church was hard to manage without DH and R, a headache, and a Baby who was getting sick but I didn't realize it.

Then J. brought a smile to my face. He said, "Mom it is getting cold in our house in the morning, could you turn on the temperstench?" He meant the heater, but somehow I imagined that he was making some kind of back-handed comment about the overall smell of the family.  It made me laugh when I needed it. Gotta love those kids.

Good

 A. and J. finished their chores by 11:30. Miracle and GOOD!

Took them, including Baby, to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. GOOD!

(yes, different than the book, but good)

  

Baby went down for a nap when we got home. GOOD!

R. and DH went to DC for a youth temple trip. If he survives it will be GOOD!

Reading The Princess Bride. It's GOOD!

If BYU wins against Florida State it will be GOOD!

This song, from Ruby (who I love), is GOOD!

"...I can if I think I can, turn my doubts into sand..."