My husband had physical therapy many years ago after knee surgery. He always told me that the pain of physical therapy was worse than the surgery itself. When my grandma and husband compared notes on physical therapy following surgery she heard his theory and laughed and nodded her grey head in agreement. Now it's my turn, although to a much lesser degree, as I'm not recovering from surgery.
I've been going to physical therapy (from here on out I'll refer to it as PT) for more than two weeks now. That also means that twice a day I've been doing exercises at home that the physical therapist instructed. I also ice my knees three times a day. So far I'm still not even walking for exercise, let alone running (yes I'm impatient), and have added Sciatica to my list of complaints. Know what they do for Sciatica? Give you more pain meds and send you to PT.
In the meantime my headaches are intense and daily despite the increased meds for those. I was supposed to call my neurologist to update him about how the meds were going anyway so I called yesterday. When I told the nurse that the meds weren't going well she said they had a cancellation so I went in. The results of the appointment were complete confusion .
The Neurologist doubted everything the Orthopedist recommended, including joint hypermobility and PT. Despite the Neurologist being more alternative and natural he sent me home with five trial medications and two new herbal supplements, in addition to the four I am already taking. Yes, that is ELEVEN all together. Granted it is a combination of cremes, patches, vitamins, and prescriptions but holy moley it is nearly impossible to keep it all straight when you have a headache! Of course he recommends acupuncture, theracane, hot rocks massage,....
It turns me off when a professional disregards another professional's opinion without giving them the benefit of the doubt. My health is too important for the doctors' egos to be battling it out here.
I have to stand strong, because it is my body. I have to make my own decisions while they stand there with their egos and their certificates on the wall and their expensive educations. I have to say a silent prayer and have faith that what I decide is the right thing for myself and my family. I can't tell the doctors that my husband gave me a blessing so they should work together. And that my patriarchal blessing gave me a piece of counsel that is particulary fitting for the situation, so let's lay off the drugs. Or that General Conference is coming up and I'd really like them to watch so we can all be on the same page. Yeah, that's just not going to happen. I've got to be strong in my own convictions, if they all understand them or not.
Physically I just feel a mess. I don't understand how things could be getting worse despite my adherance to the protocols the doctors have set up, including medications. The worsening daily pain brings me to tears often. I am very close to my heating pads and ice bag. I chide myself for being melodramatic or gothic, but it is hard not to consider the long hard road after dealing with this for so long.
DH gave me a blessing a few days ago, it was encouraging, but it wasn't. As is usual for the blessings I've had related to this illness I was told that this is my trial and that I have things to learn. It is good to know that God has a plan. It is hard to think about pain tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow as a good thing. So I think about just tomorrow.
I think that good things will happen tomorrow to distract me from the pain. Like yesterday when Baby said so clearly to my friend, "Goodbye Nancy!" A new name to her repertoire, just like that. The fact that Nancy came over to talk because she needed comfort and I could give it - that felt so good.
That J. is getting 100% on his spelling tests without breaking a sweat. That's good.
To hear R.'s church leader say that she's seen her grow and change in such good ways since the summer. That's good.
For A. to make a hard choice between band or choir because I just can't manage both, when she's already agreed to give up girl scouts, but she doesn't pout, cry or make me feel guilty at all. That's good.
When DH is on call for work and his phone goes off all night waking me up, which also means he's waking up all night, and I bite his head off. He apologizes with half-closed sleepy eyes, and I apologize back. That's good.
So life is good, despite the pain.
And you still manage to write coherent and helpful blog posts, you are a superwoman to me. And there is something weird with your post the script is double posting or something.
Love you. I put your name on the temple rolls Sat.
Posted by: readerMom | October 01, 2009 at 08:59 PM
I am hesitant to offer a suggestion because I don't know you personally and everyone's body, pain, and suffering is SO different. However, here are a couple of ideas that may or may not be helpful. I've had a LOT of pain this past year, and in desparation (and with skepticism) tried acupuncture. It helped me a lot. Perhaps it's worth considering. Also, I learned how to meditate and practice mindfulness and that has decreased my stress and pain considerably.
Posted by: Carol | October 02, 2009 at 12:00 AM
readermom thanks as always for your love and support.
Carol, I appreciate that you shared your experiences. I'm sorry you've been dealing with pain too.
Acupuncture isn't off my radar, but the biggest factor is cost. It isn't covered by my insurance, it's $75 a session and the Dr. recommends that I start at one session a week. That is a lot of money when we are already paying insurance premiums and deductable and braces for my teenage daughter. I've done acupressure in the past with some success.
Yoga has also helped in the past, it is very relaxing. I worry about continuing it now because of the joint hypermobility. I don't know where my own body's healthy limits of flexibiliy are.
Posted by: Jendoop | October 02, 2009 at 02:42 PM