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You say grace before meals. All right.
But I say grace before the concert and the opera,
and grace before the play and pantomime,
and grace before I open a book,
and grace before sketching, painting, swimming,
fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing
and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.
~G.K. Chesterton
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Books and writing expand my soul. Despite this I find myself trying to justify the time I spend on them, especially fiction. Emotionally I feel that what I read and write is of value, it's the logical argument I struggle with. Could my time be better spent folding laundry or visiting the needy?
This morning as I laid in bed at 4:30 am between Baby, who was recovering from a nightmare, and DH, who is recovering from a horrid cold, I found an answer that soothed my intellect a bit. (Although I was operating on 5 hours sleep, so who knows how logical it really is.) Writing is the development of concepts. The concepts are the skeleton, ideas that fit together to make a framework. Words put flesh on the skeleton. Muscles could be the plot and character development. While the skin could be the story itself - every single little word immaculately crafted. Without any of these aspects the written work is lacking.
Inside the flesh and bones of this creature, the written work, are organs which enable life - brains, heart, intestines, etc. These organs are the writer, hidden deep in the work. Without the writer - his or her heart, brain, intestinal fortitude, digestion of facts, and translation of thought into words with the tongue - the work doesn't exist, there would be no life in the flesh and bone.
Without flesh the skeleton can't operate, there is no interaction. I've never seen a mass of flesh without a skeleton but I can imagine that it would be disconcerting. Similar to the feeling I get when I read a book to it's conclusion only to be befuddled by it's lack of concept. Reading a story which has solid concepts at it's base but the author failed to pay enough attention to the finalizing details is like seeing a person without their skin - it's a person alright, but I'm not about to invite them over.
Writing is not just putting words on a page. Reading is not just looking at those words. There is development, thought, insight, inspiration, and more, more, more. There is value in reading and writing, fiction or non-fiction. Although I am reluctant to assign a great deal of personal value to some writing (I won't be specific because I don't want to offend ),there is a great deal of modern writing that doesn't have a skeleton. It is hard for me to invest in that type of writing. And giving my time to writing or reading is an investment. Although I do occasionally hang out with books with no skin, as beauty is more than skin deep, after all.
So the trick is finding and writing a whole creature - bones, flesh, and organs. Figuring this out is a step in the right direction for me... it'll be interesting to watch my work with words unfold. "Life is like a box of chocolates, you just never know what you're gonna get."
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And because I can't ever feel finished with my "Thanks For..." posts I'll end with this-
Yes, I know Thanksgiving is over. But that doesn't mean that the goodness shouldn't surround the holiday, instead of being killed like everyone's protein of choice yesterday. I have a few more things to be thankful for so we'll see how long this goes on.
Does everyone know what "DH" means? Nope, my husband's name is not Daryl Halrimple, Donny Hossenfeffer (although Aunt Edith would LOVE it if I were JennyHossenfeffer), or even Dagwood Ham. "DH" stands for "Dear Hubby". It's a little cheesy but it does the job and is widely understood in the world of blogging.
You don't hear much about DH on the ol' blog. That's largely on purpose. It's no fair to tell just one side of the story, and by looking at his blog you can tell he's not about to tell his side. You know that I'm all for making myself look bad when I spill my guts but it doesn't support peace, love, and tenderness to make DH look bad (except by pure association).
In this world I feel like I'm approaching dinosaur status to have been married 17 years. Not that there is any amount of bragging in that comment. I have learned in those 17 years that marriage is hard and takes complete commitment from both sides- and you have no control over the other half. We've been through some yucky stuff and I can understand how either of us could have walked away (((shutter))). 'Before the grace of God go I'. Through blogging and our skipping around the country I've gotten to know wonderful women who've been through the pain of divorce and so I see that my marriage is something to be treated with kid gloves.
Enough of rambling on, here's my simple school-girl list of what I like about DH. (Maybe I'll practice writing Mrs. DH on the back of my notebook too.)
My DH is great because:
He loves Monty Python.
He lets arguments go so quickly I get whiplash.
He is fully devoted to BYU football (it makes gift-giving easy and I know where he'll be this Saturday at 5 pm - Go Cougs!).
He loves me.
He takes as great an interest in Baby's bowel movements as I do.
He loves my children and teaches them math.
He went to Thanksgiving dinner at the church, while sick with a cold, when he didn't want to.
He tucks the kids in bed.
He's quick with a joke or pun to break the tension.
He supports me incredibly ('You want to go back to school while we have 4 kids, just moved cross-country, and have no money? SURE!').
He is THE human tip calculator.
He's fine with eating on paper plates every day.
He is ultra-conscientious about providing for his family.
He won't allow any Christmas before Thanksgiving is over.
He drove home a stranger in trouble, on his vacation day (it took 9 hours).
He signed out a guy from jail so he could go to church (and then took him straight back!).
He has email conversations with me while he's working.
He'll buy me a new oven today, even if it is with a grumble.
I am so grateful that I can change. Yesterday is a good example. When I posted yesterday I was not in a good frame of mind, you know that happens sometimes. The wonderful thing is that I didn't have to stay in that frame of mind. Through secret prayers of my heart, a desire to be happier, the loving influence of others, and help from above, I was able to turn my feelings around. The issues I was unhappy about are still hanging around, but they aren't overwhelming me like yesterday. Things have been set in perspective and I have recalibrated my course, it is clearly set before me. I don't know every individual action I should take, but my vision is more firmly set on Jesus Christ.
(sign in Aramaic, Latin, and Greek reads, "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews.")
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When I post something religiously minded I worry that I'll chase some people away. I worry that I come across extreme or looney. It seems that the world has given certain words a taboo - Jesus Christ, healed, atonement, repentance, born again - if you speak them in a public place people look at you strangely. It's as if you have to hide your faith under a bushel. It's not until you're sure you've met a like-minded person that you should openly express those beliefs. This shows me that the world is in a sad state. How horrid that we feel ashamed of our faith, our vision, our inspiration.
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At the same time I don't think everyone should feel the same way I do. But I do expect a certain level of respect, not eye rolls and comments about Bible thumping. If someone were to talk to me about their love of skiing I'd listen and be happy for their passion and enjoyment. But if I were to talk about my love of God I would get the cold shoulder in many instances.
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I'm really trying to convince myself more than you, I'm trying to tell myself that 'I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ.'
I've ordered nativity DVDs to give to a few of my neighbors. At first I wanted to give away 7. But then I saw the cost and scaled it back to two. I also started to waiver in my exhuberance about being more open about being a Mormon. There are several people I have regular interactions with that know I'm Christian but don't know specifically what kind of Christian. Giving them this DVD will tell them that I'm Mormon, and an assertive one at that. People have been known to loose friends over being Mormon. And I'm not just talking about a rumor that I've heard, real people that I know have lost friends and their children have been shunned. I even wonder if one of my own neighbors who keeps her distance is wary of my faith. Most people don't tell you to your face the way they feel about your faith.
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Religion holds a special place in my heart. It is oh, so dear, to me. Really it isn't just in one place in my heart, it is woven through and through. Wound up in my faith is my whole life- my heritage, my marriage, my goals and my future. You insult Mormonism and you insult what I have built my life around. This is another reason I'm hesitant to share my faith.
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The stronger my faith becomes the more I want to share. The stronger my light becomes the harder it is to keep in contained under an bushel. This is something Joseph Smith addressed, "A (wo)man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing (their) family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race. Combine that thought with this one from Alma 31:5 "And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just - yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else which had happened unto them - therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God." These two thoughts result in one course of action in my mind, sharing the gospel with others.
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I am grateful for Jesus Christ, my Savior and yours. What that means is that with his help we can change, we can improve and become the people our hearts tell us we can be. Becoming that person is what brings happiness, fulfilling the purpose for our life.
I know that the gospel is real. The Holy Ghost is a source of power and peace beyond understanding. I seek for it daily.
President Thomas S. Monson is God's special servant, his work is to lead and guide us back to our Heavenly Father's presence.
Joseph Smith was a prophet of God who gave his all to help people find Jesus Christ. He never got rich or had an easy life, what he did, he did for God.
And so, when I add all these things up, it tells me that the Mormon church has more than just good ideas. The power of God, the priesthood, is contained within the LDS church and holds all things necessary for us to return to God our Father. The only place perfection is to be found is in Jesus Christ, not in every member of his church. So if you want faults, you'll find them. But if you want truth and peace from the only true source you can find that too.
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I am so grateful that I have.
A few weeks ago I was busily unpacking my food co-op order when I stopped and said, “Kids, come look at this!”
For some reason I couldn’t get the egg carton into my refrigerator. As I tried to slide it in the shelf that was just the right height, it would get stuck. I took the carton out and saw that it wasn’t completely closed, and I couldn’t force it closed either. Opening the carton I discovered a few VERY large eggs!
The kids ran over and shared in my awe. My seven year old son said in a quiet tone, almost reverently, “Can I hold it?”
“It’s almost as big as an ostrich egg!” He exclaimed as he held it close to his face.
I laughed and said, “Not quite.”
The next morning they were excited to crack open and eat the egg.
This exchange between my children and I is one of the reasons I love our food co-op! It encourages us to think about where our food comes from. It led my children to think about the chicken that laid those huge eggs (poor thing!). They learned from experience that chickens are not little perfect-white-egg-producing factories. This is real world food. A world where things aren’t perfect, but they are whole and good for us.
(Various shades of brown this week, usually there are some green tinted ones too.)
The eggs we get from a local farm are called “rainbow” and that’s just what they are. Opening that carton conjures visions of eggshell mosaics, the colors are so naturally gorgeous. I’d much rather have varying sized eggs, all the colors of the rainbow, than just boring large white.
This reminds me a bit of people. Maybe my kids can learn more from chickens than just how to do a silly dance at weddings. They can learn the value of diversity.
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Food is good, food is great! How grateful I am that God doesn't just hand out manna. He gives us a variety of foods and their tastes are so varied. Putting different edible things together creates an infinity of flavors and possibilities. Not only is eating enjoyable, but it sustains our life and needing it daily forces us to work.
Eating healthy food can have an effect on how we feel spiritually and emotionally. It's all tied up together, body and spirit. Although I know this is true I don't have the self-discipline to eat the way I should. Today, for instance, I ate half an apple tart and then had a piece of apple pie after dinner, with ice cream. What can I say, I went to the grocery store hungry this morning and they had a sale on baked apple goods. What rich bounty we enjoy!
Because of this I'm sure I'll never be the same weight I was in high school and I'll probably always have cottage cheese thighs. It tears me in two on some days, but in the end food wins out, it just tastes too good.
Without the daily requirement for sustenance we'd all loaf around a lot more (did you get the food pun?!). It sounds nice, but there is value in work. It is neat to think about this whole system of caring for ourselves, it is amazing this plan God worked out in every detail. Even with symbolism for the spiritual: the bread of life - Christ. We need food everyday in much the same way that we need God every day. Food is our constant reminder that we should daily turn to the one that gave us life to be fed spiritually.
Today I found it difficult to come up with a post. Not that I didn't have anything to be grateful for, but that I have so much to be grateful for. There are posts waiting to be written about my gratitude for books, music, food, my husband, etc. But for today, the Sunday before Thanksgiving, it just seemed too narrow-minded to post one of those.
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I am grateful for my sister's blog post yesterday. In it she mentioned the idea that we are not entitled to anything. It reminded me of a scripture in Mosiah. King Benjamin tells us that if we were to praise and give thanks to God all our days we would still be unprofitable servants. He tells us that God gives us everything, and then if we obey his commandments we are blessed more. We can never pay God back for what he has given us. We will always end up owing him.
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This scripture used to make me feel guilty. Now, I know that isn't the reason for this scripture. It is to encourage us to recognize the hand of God in our lives. To give us the knowledge that nothing is truly "ours" so we should share our bounty with others. To show us in a very real way that we never do anything for God- He loves us so much that he is still willing to bless us even when we will never profit him anything. This also shows us, by God's own example, that we are to serve others without thought of recompense. When I view my life with this perspective I am in awe.
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Just today God blessed me with a loving family; ears to hear their voices as I awoke this morning, and eyes to see their beautiful faces (once the great invention of contact lenses were inserted in my eyes). My children and I had a bounty of food to choose from for our morning meal, which we ate in warmth and security in our more than adequate abode. We dressed in fine clothing for church and drove our own car to the church building, where we worship freely without fear of government or societal repercussions. We were all taught by men of God during sacrament meeting; where we took part in the sacred ordinance of the sacrament, the greatest blessing of this holy day. We studied the words of God, which greatly bless and enlighten us. We talked of the temple which will soon be built nearby, what a wonderful blessing!
(The PA temple may have a similar design to this one, Hong Kong.)
During the last hour of church I sat in a lesson with my Spanish-speaking sisters where the example of their brilliant faith made me stronger and where I felt the truth of their words through the Holy Ghost before I even heard the English translation. The lesson reminded me of the great work performed by Joseph Smith, which continues to bless people with the knowledge of their Savior, Jesus Christ. I was blessed with love as I participated with my hermanas in the Latin tradition I have learned of embracing and kissing each other on the cheek. My children then emerged from their classes where wonderful men and women had selflessly taught them the gospel, and fed them cake!
Do you see what I mean? It is just so much!
This feeling I have, being blessed with the holy spirit, comes to me because I am grateful. Proving King Benjamin right, that we can never truly and fully profit God. But I will continue to try.
There are people who run screaming from that word- "commitment." It conjures images of a ball and chain, prison bars, and black widow spiders. How deceptive those images are. If we choose our commitments wisely and carefully they have the potential to lift us to great heights.
Marriage is the big commitment that popular society shuns, deriding it in various media. It's probably what you thought of when you read "ball and chain." My life is better with my ball and chain than it ever would have been without. There is no real way for me to truly realize this, I hope I never have to find out. The commitment of marriage is life saving and soul satisfying. It doesn't always work out like we think- successful or not. But that doesn't mean that the institution of marriage is out of date. Our world needs men and women monogamously committed to each other.
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My commitment to religion is a constant that has become a great comfort. There have been times where it felt heavy and guilty, but that was largely my own error in perspective. The more I learn about the gospel, the more I feel uplifted and happy. This type of learning isn't something that comes just from reading and praying. The practical application of religion- charity -teaches a cornucopia of wonderful things. Being committed to religion has taught me about integrity, human nature, hope, and human potential.
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Recently I watched a friend turn down an opportunity that she had previously committed to. I was asked to pick up this responsibility once she laid it down. It was work for me to follow through, but in the end it was a great experience. Through it I watched my friend who gave up the opportunity, she seemed to feel guilty and a bit lost. I feel that she doubted her own abilities, she didn't believe she could do a good job and didn't want the pressure. But once she saw someone else doing it she mourned for what she had lost. It created some awkwardness between us as she felt that I judged her harshly. She completely mis-interpreted me. I felt sad that she wasn't utilizing her talents and abilities, she only saw what she lacked instead of going forward with faith.
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If we commit to something we should follow through, not just for integrity's sake, but for our own sakes. Fear of failure can be paralyzing. Don't let it be. It is better to aim for the moon and miss than to never try, because you always land among the stars. It's a oft used saying, but it's true, there is no shame in failure, only in never trying.
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A few weeks ago I posted that I have volunteered to help with the food co-op newsletter. In the process of getting involved I have gained more responsibility than I intended. While in an email back and forth with the head of the co-op I asked for a clarification of my role. In the end she asked me to be the head of the entire marketing committee! I felt flattered but knew I didn't have the time or energies to commit to it, so I explained and said no thank you. She explained to me that it is so difficult to get people who are truly committed, who do something when they say they will. She is running this cooperative (thus the co-op) venture in which everyone is supposed to volunteer at least 4 hours a month. But they just flat-out aren't doing it. She has appreciated my reliable work and that is why she asked if I would head the committee. It seems that our society is lacking a willingness to commit if it doesn't involve a dollar.
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Not that I'm an angel either. I worked as the primary chorister at church many years ago. I had somehow come to the understanding that the calling was temporary, yet a year after being called I was still there. So I asked to be released from my responsibilities. It turned into a mess. The end result is that I wished I would have just plowed through. I wish I would have been more willing to endure something that was difficult. It would have only benefited me, because I've since had to learn that lesson in more difficult arenas.
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If we chose carefully, with a self-knowledge of how much we can handle, commitments are great. I'm thankful for my commitments to God, my family, and to my community.
