Improvement Plan - Revisited

Less than a month ago I had a few amazing spiritual experiences. Learning from Sister Dalton and feeling the Holy Spirit in her presence urged me to re-commit myself to going forward in life with greater vigor and holiness. I knew even in the moment of making that commitment that I would falter - the bitter in the midst of sweetness. It doesn't mean that the experience was for nothing though. It doesn't mean I hang my head and walk away defeated. I can re-evaluate and re-commit. 

Sundays are days that seem perfect for personal evaluation and commitment. For a religious person this is naturally accomplished through fully investing myself in repentance and taking the sacrament. But even if you aren't religious, taking the opportunity to evaluate and set a course for improvement is good to do on a quiet Sunday afternoon. 

I had a little shove that prompted me to re-chart my course today. I have been asked to speak in a young women meeting this week about 'the light within' and how the young women can get and retain that light. As soon as the invitation was offered I knew I would talk about the things that I learned from Sister Dalton. This is my opportunity to make my light a little brighter as I encourage the YW to do the same. 

It has made me sad today, to know that I've slipped in my commitment that is only 25 days old. The Holy Ghost doesn't burn as bright within me, and that makes it harder to stay strong and be positive. It's a continuous feedback loop. If I don't keep doing those things I should every single day, then my light dims, and it's harder to see - my vision is distorted. When I am surrounded by people who don't believe as I do, who don't have the same goals I do, who don't desire to do what is right the way I do, it is difficult. Like walking through mud. I am not 'oh, so righteous' but I have a strong desire to do what God asks me. It takes tact, patience, and love, all mixed with fortitude, to accomplish the things I desire. 

This is so hard. Not hard in the way that it's hard to get out of bed in the morning at 5:30 am. Hard in a, not-ever-done, and moderation-in-all-things kind of way. This isn't about racing down a track as fast as I can to a finish line. It's about pacing myself. It's about loving those around me, not ignoring them. It's about flexibility and not loosing my mind when things are out of my control. It's about trying to be happy in the midst of disappointment. It's about doing something worthy of my time, instead of wasting time on things that aren't most important because I'm tired (FYI - sleeping is not a waste of my time). It's about washing and folding everyone's clothes and being OK when no one says thank you.

Yep, that's what it's like. And I really want to do it. 

Comments

[Dani]

1.

Thank you..

[Lu]

2.

I'm right there with you on this. It's bad when I get asked to do service, just after I've committed to being willing to serve, and instead my first response is to groan and say, "But I don't/can't/really would rather not do that today." I'm so glad you post about things like this.