lajendi

Happy End of 2009

 

 

 

    
 

I am Soft

 

     In my teenage years I had a weird habit of slugging people. Not right in the face, thank goodness, but a slug in the arm. When we were joking around, or if I was being teased, or if things just got uncomfortable I'd unleash a sling of sarcasm and a slug. So many of my friends did it that I didn't pause for a moment to consider that there was anything wrong with it.  

     Then DH came into the picture. Our relationship was going along, not engagement serious yet, but we were spending a lot of time together. One day I slugged him, he rubbed his arm, looked at me and said, "You know, that hurts." 

     "Oh, come on."

     "No, really."

     Pause. Wheels turn. A big tough man was telling me that my slugs hurt. I could take it two ways. Be happy that I made an impact, or stop because hurting anyone should be avoided. When we are hurt emotionally we have similar choices. 

     I had been hurt. People don't get through their teenage years without some measure of grief and heartache.  The way I chose to deal with pain was to cover it up, act tough, be tougher than the pain. It became my identity. I was a tomboy, dressed in holey jeans and t-shirts and had strictly sworn off pink. I ignorantly thought that I didn't need anybody or anything, despite the fact that I clung to some people very tightly. I didn't wear makeup, I said because I didn't want to, but honestly I might have if I had known how to use it or owned any. My clothes were baggy- to hide a developing body that I felt self-conscious about and because my clothes had to last more than one season. My art fit in well with the facade, the great mysterious artist with complicated and depressed emotions. 

     When DH and I had that conversation about hitting, it was a small pivot point in my life. Because of DH's feelings for me, I didn't shrug off his comment. His soft answer turned away my emotional wrath. I tried to stop slugging. So silly that I couldn't stop overnight, but it had become a habit, an instant reaction to certain situations - situations which made me uncomfortable. 

     I think when I stopped slugging I started to soften. DH's love softened me too. Instead of changing the conversational dynamic with a slug, I had to face what made me uncomfortable. Then I made choices about how to behave that were more in line with what my beliefs were. What Christ exemplified. As my soul has strengthened I have been braver about being soft. 

 

     We didn't hug or kiss much in my family growing up, but DH's family did. That took some getting used to. It's hard to keep up that tough girl facade when kissing people. 

     Somewhere along the line I started to dress differently too. It probably started when I got a job as a receptionist. I had to dress in a more respectable way than holey jeans and over sized t-shirts. Becoming a wife and mother probably had something to do with it too. It opened my eyes to the purpose of my body, and the amazing things that are accomplished with it. It made me want to look like a woman, a strong soft woman who cares for her body.

 

     My language changed too. Sarcasm is still a part of my repertoire, but it isn't as frequent or as harsh as it was in the past. C. S. Lewis has written that “if prolonged, the habit of flippancy builds up around a man the finest armour plating against [God] that I know. It is a thousand miles from joy; it deadens, instead of sharpening, the intellect; and it excites no affection between those who practise it.” (from here)

      I understand from numerous personal experiences that forgiveness is better than revenge or holding a grudge. 

     Sting once sang about the poor in spirit, the meek, inheriting the earth: "What good is a used up world and how could it be worth having?" Being meek is a tricky thing, because it can easily be confused with weakness. Being meek is an inner strength which allows us to be humble and soft on the outside while strong as steel on the inside, keeping our morals and values intact. 

     As my DH has exemplified to me many times, a soft answer does turn away wrath. Holding a child and softly whispering words of correction is more effective communication than loud harsh words. 

     Cleaning our home and making it comfortable brings softness into our family. A sweet place to lay my burdens down, and I hope it is the same for those I love. 

     Instead of fearing the next painful blow life has in store, which seems inevitable, I look forward with hope. There is more in the future to embrace than there is to fear. 

     A welcoming hug, handshake, or smile to my fellowman could be seen as softness in the head. But I welcome the opportunity, no matter how small, to soften the life of another.

  

     My heart and soul are soft and it is so much better that way. 

The Lost Week

Isn't this week between Christmas and New Year's like Land of the Lost or something? It's just weird. When I worked as a pay-by-the-hour employee I always had to work, and thought the whole world was pooping on me (ahhh, retail at the holidays). Now that I don't have to work on this week I just don't know what to do with myself. (I know, being a mom is work, but if you don't have to deal with school, it's time off.) What a great opportunity to get things done! But it's vacation, are you kidding me?

I keep staying up later and later, adding another movie each day. Although I sleep through the family showing between 3-5 pm. Today it was the kids playing the demo of Little Big Planet, not a movie. They have watched Night at the Museum several times. Right now they're finishing up Around the World in 80 Days (modern version). The newest Harry Potter flick arrived from Netflix yesterday, how have we let more than 24 hours go by without watching it?!

Baby is getting better and better at her covert food sneaking skills. Just now I caught her with two peppermint Joe-Joes that Jason and Kasey sent. Yes, I took them from her. Such delicacies should not be wasted on a 2 year old. Then she went for the bubbles. Then she went for the chocolate. We have so much junk food lying around it's hard to find hiding places for it. So it lays about. Right in front of my face, where I stuff it in. The kids regularly ask, "Can I have a cookie.. candy.. etc.?" And I have to keep a straight face while trying to swallow a dove caramel chocolate and tell them, "No!" I promise, I'll get a handle on the problem right after New Years. 

Yesterday I enlisted the kids' help and took out the mountain of recycling and trash. I mentally nagged my husband - "Why in the world did you have to forget to take it out the week before Christmas!" Then this enlightening bit of info popped into my mind: "He's working late tonight you ungrateful wife!" DH is working 4 days this week because a client is in town. So it's not just punching the clock, it's someone looking over his shoulder for the 10 hour work day. He does get a couple of nice dinners out on the town, but I know we all agree that being at home watching movies in your sloppy clothes is better. Thanks DH.

Yesterday we returned a few things to Target. It was easier than I anticipated. Today A. used her Build a Bear gift card from Grandma and Grandpa P. I bought a few new clothes with my Christmas money from them. Then we went grocery shopping. See, I am doing a few useful things. Baby's diaper is being changed and meals are being made too, dinner anyway. And you know with all that chocolate being consumed I am scared  of missing a workout, so that continues like clockwork.

Eventually we'll get back to real life, what a shock it will be. 6 am seminary starts on January 4th. By then I may have changed my sleep schedule enough that I can take the kids to seminary and then go to bed for the night. 

Happy Lost Week!

Service, New Years, and Changes

They might be getting sick of me over at mormonwomen.org - I had a post up yesterday about Service and have one up today about celebrating New Years. 

---------------------------------

Yesterday we heard the announcement we've been anticipating for a while, our little congregation will be changed next week. We, as church members who speak English, will attend a new-to-us congregation that meets in the same building. They will create a new Spanish-only congregation where all of the meetings will be done in Spanish, with very little or no English translation.

I feel that while this transition is awkward for many, in the end it will be the best for the Latin members in our area. One of the leaders we had in the past would always say, 'Every person needs to hear the gospel taught in their native language.' I feel that is true. One Latin sister told me that although she can speak English and understand it, that because she grew up with Spanish, and first learned the gospel in Spanish, that is the language of her emotions and her spirit. It is easier for her to convey those things to others if she is speaking in Spanish. After learning a little Spanish myself I have an idea of what she means. It is hard enough to communicate sensitive feelings and emotions, to find the right words, without then translating them into another language that is awkward.

It was emotional for me yesterday, even though I knew the change was coming and feel it will be better for my family. They asked all of the women to come up to the front of sacrament meeting to sing a song. I took a Spanish hymnal so I could sing in Spanish, and a few Latin sisters took English hymnals. I stood next to a Latin sister who put her arm around me and whispered in my ear, "I no like the change." I did my best to sing "As Sisters In Zion" but between crying and the differing pace of the words in Spanish it was difficult. When you work so hard together, help each other through hard times, and teach each other the gospel each week your hearts do become knit together in love/amor. It is hard to leave it. 

Today I thought back to the first Sunday we spent in the Spanish branch. I was so eager to help. Really, I was very nieve about how difficult it would be. Being in the branch I have learned what church work really is, the things I have done for my brothers and sisters in Allentown is work as much as weeding the garden, mopping the floor, or a 9 to 5 job, sometimes more because of the emotional aspects. That intensity of work, body and spirit, had never happened for me in the church before. I guess that it will not end now either. 

I'll keep you posted on the changes, our parents especially, they've been wondering when the change would happen and how it would effect our family. The details remain to be seen but we go forward with faith and hope. It's all the gospel and it goes forward for the good of everyone.

Goals

     I found so many great talks about goals and progression in my preparations to teach a class in church tomorrow. 

What then of life? Is it not a process? Indeed, is it not the process of becoming? Do we not need to undergo changes, transformations, even conversions, to become what we need to become, what our Father expects and hopes we shall become? 

What are the raw materials he entrusted to us as we started our journey in mortality, as we commenced the process of becoming like him? 

First, our intelligence, “or, in other words, light and truth” (D&C 93:36). 

Second, our spirit body, provided by our Eternal Father, for he is the very “Father of spirits” (Heb. 12:9). 

Third, our physical body, in which our spirit is tabernacled during our earthly sojourn. 

Fourth, our inborn gifts and talents, for “every good gift cometh of Christ” (Moro. 10:18). 

Fifth, “an earth whereon [we] may dwell” (Abr. 3:24). 

And sixth, the time allotted, which we should “not idle away” (D&C 60:13).

(Derek A. Cuthbert)

     Even though I really like that quote for me personally, I didn't use it in my class. Goals are so personal, I would hate to make someone feel that they have to make goals like I make goals. I think I'm middle of the road as far as structure in setting goals. I do write some things down, I use a calendar, but I'm not strict about using it. I know some people who are very structured about their goals and calendars, it makes me feel like hyperventilating when they talk about it. I'd make myself so anxious about the structure that I'd never accomplish the goal. But then I also wonder if I'm not as effective as I could be if I were more structured. I'm a work in progress, what can I say?

 

     Here are a few quotes and a list that I'm handing out to my class if you're interested in making goals for the new year. 

- Spiritual 

- Intellectual (school or work) 

- Social (marriage, family, friends)

- Physical

- 1 or 2 goals

- Carefully chosen with God

- Get Help

- Write it, Return and Report

- Daily Calendar 

- Daily visual reminder

- Eliminate negative/temptations

- Encourage others 

- Plan as a family = accomplish as a family, Family Home Evening

- Every effort valuable – no failure!

- Reward yourself :)

“You are a beloved daughter of Heavenly Father, prepared to come to the earth at this particular time for a sacred and glorious purpose. You have the noble calling to use your strength and influence for good. Your loving Heavenly Father has blessed you with talents and abilities that will help you fulfill your divine mission. Through personal prayer, scripture study, obedience to the commandments, and service to others, you can develop these gifts… Prayerfully choose goals that will help you cultivate feminine virtues, grow spiritually, and reach your divine potential.” 

-Young Women Personal Progress Booklet, First Presidency Statement

"Morning and evening prayers—and all of the prayers in between—are not unrelated, discrete events; rather, they are linked together each day and across days, weeks, months, and even years. This is in part how we fulfill the scriptural admonition to “pray always” (Luke 21:36; 3 Nephi 18:15, 18; D&C 31:12). Such meaningful prayers are instrumental in obtaining the highest blessings God holds in store for His faithful children."

-David A. Bednar

Post Christmas report

All went well, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. 

On Christmas Eve I spent much of the day baking and cooking. My in-laws have the tradition of a big meal on Christmas Eve so that Christmas can be spent relaxing and eating leftovers. We've adopted the tradition. We had ham, scalloped potatoes, veggie tray, homemade rolls, sweet potatoes and punch. It was so good, but it wiped me out, especially because I baked a round Christmas coffee cake (AKA tea ring) and sugar cookies at the same time. The one time of year that I wish for two ovens, quite ironic after not even having one for Thanksgiving. My MIL is on to something, she makes the coffee cake ahead of time and freezes it. I thought I was so clever to bake mine on a round cookie sheet. But the dough doubled in size so it was all hanging over the edge when it was finished. It was still good, just tricky to get out of the oven. The sugar cookies were a necessity for Santa. 

Somehow we summoned the energy to get dinner cleaned up and had our Christmas Eve family time. We sang a few Christmas songs, DH read Luke 2, and we talked about the meaning of Christmas. R said that she enjoyed giving gifts to her friends this year, it made her feel really good and she wants to do it again. Giving gifts reminds her that God gave us the gift of his son. It was so nice to hear her maturing understanding of Christmas. 

Everyone went to bed well, although they were very excited. DH and I watched the Catholic midnight mass on TV. It was really interesting this year because they had a commentary explaining things. There is a lot of symbolism and tradition there. It must be so grand to be there in person. Did you hear that the Pope was attacked? DH's comment was, "Why don't the crazies attack someone who deserves it, like a serial killer? At least the Pope is trying to improve the world." Although the details of our religious beliefs differ, we share common values and desires for good. 

We awoke at 7am on Christmas. Presents were thoroughly enjoyed, especially J. He is at such a good age to enjoy Christmas- understanding that the gifts were given by those that love him and he had fun with each one. A. was a little more reserved and it was really hard for me to tell if she liked her big present - a bike. J. got one from Santa too. R's big gift was a new MP3 and Baby's was a doll that moves and wets (hopefully will help with potty training). Thanks to all who sent gifts, all were great! Then we had a big breakfast with hot chocolate, the coffee cake, eggs, bacon, toast and juice. I tell you, I'm thoroughly blessed to have so much to share with my family. The rest of the day was spent enjoying our gifts, napping, and talking to family on the phone. It was a satisfying day.

Today we're getting cleaned up, DH are going out to lunch for our weekly date, DH is getting his stitches out, and I'm planning my RS lesson for church tomorrow. It's about goals. I'll let you know how it goes. 

Merry Christmas!

So how was your holiday? What's the aftermath like at your house? 

Merry Christmas

 

 O come, O come, Emmanuel, 

And ransom captive Israel, 

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear. 

Rejoice! Rejoice! 

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel. 

(last verse)

O come, Desire of nations, bind 

In one the hearts of all mankind; 

Bid Thou our sad divisions cease, 

And be Thyself our King of Peace. 

Rejoice! Rejoice! 

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel. 

-------------------------

This Christmas Hymn has been one of my favorites this year. The first few lines echo through my mind. From this website I learned a little more about the hymn. Emmanuel means "God with us". The lyrics are filled with references to scriptures and prophecy. The words "captive Israel" reminds me of the children of Israel in servitude to the Egyptians. 

What great faith the Hebrews of that time had in their Savior. They believed that He would come and lift them to their rightful royal status as God's chosen people. God did deliver them, but not in the way they envisioned. A humble prophet, one of their own, was their deliverer. He rescued them with the power of God and miracles, fulfilling the prophecies of their redemption. After that initial redemption they were not quickly ushered into a land of milk and honey and set upon thrones, instead then they toiled for 40 years in the wilderness. 

 

Many years later the Lord's chosen people still believed in prophets and scripture. They again awaited their Savior, even seeing some signs that His arrival was eminent. But instead of arriving with concourses of angels and noisy fury for the enemies of His holy people, their Savior came to earth in the same way we all arrive- through the blood and pain of a mortal mother. A mother that was unmarried, pregnant, and far from home. Most people ignored this child's birth, so sure that their Savior would come in a more grand fashion. A select few, like the wise men who knew the signs intimately and had the wisdom to know that God's ways are not man's ways, recognized the King of all despite his lowly earthly station. Now we know that Christ's humble birth was important to fulfilling prophecy and setting him on the path for his mortal mission. Jesus Christ didn't need man's idea of richness and royalty. There was no need for him to array himself like insecure royalty scrambling to secure a throne, all that is on the earth was already his. 

 

Today we still sing of our Deliverer, the Savior which will come down in might and fury to set his true people above all others. In this do we err in the same ways faithful followers of the past did? Do we suppose that God will set us in a land of milk and honey without 40 years of toil in the wilderness? Do we think we know so well how he will come that we miss the signs that wise men see? There are things we can do to welcome the Savior and make the earth ready for his second coming. Instead the world pleads for Christ to come and fix it for us. From my interactions with religion and God I don't believe that this is the way He works. God requires something of us, he isn't a fairy godfather who exists merely to blindly grand our fondest wish. 

It reminds me of the aftermath of Christmas for a child. They've asked for the moon, and received generous gifts but they're still slightly disappointed. Something isn't quite right, it's not the right color or the right size, or they didn't get something on their list. They've received great gifts, but because it's not all they wished and pined for they are dejected. Does the human race feel this way towards God?

We are richly abundantly blessed, many peoples of the past would say that modern people enjoy a land of milk and honey, living in lavish richness that not even royalty of the past enjoyed. While receiving so greatly from God do we recognize his hand? No, instead popular culture increasingly turns away from Him and will not follow his commandments. 

God is striving to save us from what enslaves us - sin. Our Savior can only be our Savior if we will follow him. If we do not listen to what God asks he cannot save us. He will not take away our free will and agency. 

Will our Savior come and wave a magic wand, making the earth and it's population change as we ask him t0 "ransom captive Israel" or "bid thou our sad divisions cease"? I know that God is omnipotent and has sent his son to be our Savior and Redeemer. We need Jesus Christ. I also feel that God's great plan requires something of us. God's plan isn't just about the happy ending, but who we will become while striving for that happy ending. Christ truly is the king of peace, the peace that can only spread through the world as each man and woman embraces Jesus as their Savior and tries to live with peace and love every day. Christmas is only the beginning. 

 

Pre-Christmas misc.

      Today we were all thinking about Max and Ruby. Their situation is so strange and it's hard to tell from watching if they have any parents at all. As each of my children came home from school they joined in the discussion. Did their parents die in a tragic accident? Is Ruby older than she seems, old enough to care for a little brother on her own? And where does the money come from? Because Ruby doesn't seem to have a job. Then there's the grandma, she invites them over for tea parties and birthdays but those two are on their own otherwise. Yes, it's strange. Very strange. 

      This discussion was all over two cartoon characters. Invisible parents seems to be a trend in kids' shows now. There's also Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. It's just Maggie, a pig and that beast. It gives me the willies so bad I don't let the kids watch it. There's also the pre-teen shows like ICarly - no parents just an irresponsible older brother. Is there an older cartoon where a child is without parents? I understand that they don't appear on screen in Charlie Brown. But they are still mentioned now and then. On these shows they aren't even mentioned. Another weird show? Yo Gabba Gabba. Goosebumps all over the place. Then again, when I watch the Banana Splits on Cartoon Network now they seem like a drug trip gone bad. But I sure loved them as a kid. 

     We built the gingerbread house last night. I buy pre-baked cookie parts that are hard as a rock so all we have to do is mix up frosting and throw candy at it. 

     We didn't even have the house built when R. asked if we could demolish it like we did last year. "Sounds like a plan", I told her.

     The kids tried for another ER visit today. Sledding down the hill in our backyard, where there is a fence and pointy branches at the bottom. I was just waiting for an eyeball to get gouged out. A. hit the fence pretty hard one time, but then wanted to go down face first the next time. I played policeman on that one. They are all back inside now and I didn't see a drop of blood. Who says God doesn't answer prayers?

     Time to go pick up the Chinese food for dinner tonight and my all-natural local raised and smoked ham for dinner tomorrow. 

     Good Luck with your plans whatever they are. 

     I'm just crossing my fingers for children that co-operate. The two year old is becoming more terrible two-ish every day. 

 

Heart Warming

This is about the only time of the year I go for the sappy story. We often say "Remember the Christ in Christmas!" But then we don't go any further, to elaborate and pull out specific thoughts of Christ. I'm working on that, really thinking about Christ - his life, his work, his example. It is nice to come across a few things that help me see Christmas in a different way.

A push and a pull

Christmas with an autistic child

Winter Solstice

MMW has a whole list of silliness (read the comments)

Do You Have Room?

Where all these traditions originate

A very intellectual post that I'll have to re-read several times to understand, with the original words to Hark the Herald Angels Sing that I'd never read before.)

(more snowflakes here )

Mormons and Joseph Smith

Today I have a post at MormonWoman all about Joseph Smith and why Mormons think he's so danged great! (me too)