The BMI issue is continuing to haunt me. Last week there was an extra paper tucked into A's stellar report card. It was her health report from the school nurse. Her grades were above average, with something exceptional in every subject. She did so well, but there was that little stupid paper, with her BMI glaring, sucking the grandness out of her scholarly accomplishments.
Then yesterday I helped in the kitchen at the stake youth fireside. There was a great guy who is a wonderful cook and made all the food (and it was awesome!), he works in a college library, ultra intelligent, friendly, well-spoken and whose wife is expecting a baby any day. Everything is going great in his life - except his BMI. He went to the doctor this month and got the same news my daughter and I did - we're obese. While we discussed BMI's with a group of people, another man spoke up about signing his daughter up for dance lessons. He was told that there are several dance academies in the area that his neighbors steered them away from because they are so focused on the weight of the little girls in their programs.
This morning I can't help but feel that there is a reason this theme is repeating itself. At the gym this morning as I laid on the mat stretching after walking/running and biking (mixing it up to keep boredom and pain away) I thought about what to do, if I should do anything. Something came to my mind-
My friend Traci once told me something that she loved about her family growing up. There were many kids in her family and several of the older siblings were excelled in academics. They repeatedly came home with great report cards. Then there was her younger brother, his grades bucked the norm in their household, they were not good. The attitude her parents took is that every person is different, that they all had different talents and abilities and that school was not one of her brother's talents, as it was for other members of the family. Her parents helped her brother with his schoolwork and told him that he had other talents, some that hadn't even been found yet. The other kids were told to support their brother and never think less of him because his talents weren't the same as theirs. It was a struggle for him, emotionally and scholastically. *Eventually he did find his talents- he became great at soccer, is the life of the party and took it upon himself to read the Book of Mormon as a teenager. With hard work and diligence he went on to earn his MBA and is now a stock broker. His parents were supportive and enabled his success because they valued him and his talents even before those talents had been fully realized.
I am impressed by Traci's parents. They believed fully in God's plan for their son. They put their trust in their son, believing that he had amazing talents even if they couldn't see them. Instead of pressuring their son to meet the standards of their other children, they recognized that he was different and valued that difference. They still expected him to try in areas that he didn't excel in, but they didn't pressure him to the point of feeling like a failure.
At the gym I tossed these thoughts around in my head, wondering if I can be that kind of parent for A. Can I help her make efforts in an area she isn't good in, while still keeping her personal view of her worth intact?
Then I heard the nearby exercise instructor say, "David! We need a concert over here, it's her birthday!" I looked over at David who was ambling over to the birthday girl.
David is at the gym everyday, lifting weights, using the stairclimber, and who knows what else, because he is there before me and stays long after I leave! David has physical disabilities so that his body doesn't work with him, it seems to work against him (cerebral palsy maybe?). Those muscles that rebel against the impulses his brain sends are well-toned from his fierce determination and exercise. Despite the fact that David will never run a race or compete in a fitness competition, he works as hard as those that do.
David pulled a harmonica out of no-where and begun to play a blues-y version of "Happy Birthday". It was the best harmonica I've ever heard in person. David has found a way to make his body work for him, he's found talent amidst his shortcomings. It's like his own personal diamond in the rough. We're all a little rough, but we all also have at least one diamond hiding inside us as well. Probably a few emeralds and rubies too.
We can't let the world tell us that what we have to give isn't important or worthwhile if it doesn't meet certain criteria. Analyze what your definition of success really is. What I want for my children is happiness and fulfillment, not bags of money (which is what the world thinks success is). Every person can be successful, not every person can be rich or famous. While bodyweight may be a struggle for many of us (and it is important because it effects our longevity and quality of life), it doesn't mean that our other qualities are diminished because of it. I'm just sick of the world trying to tell me, and my family, that we're not up to par. In the end what par is doesn't even matter because I'm not playin' golf!
*After I initially wrote this post I checked my facts with Traci, she corrected a few details about her brother's story. She does have a brother who is a sculptor, I just mixed up which one it is!
This BMI thing bothers me from so far away. You? Obese? Me, yes, you, I don't think so. The doctors and "professionals" who only use this number are being lazy and you and your family are suffering from their insistence on only looking at the numbers. If you feel a need to rant, give me a call because everytime I think about this I want to yell at someone, preferably your doctor or school nurse.
Posted by: readerMom | December 15, 2009 at 01:23 PM
Thanks readermom.
Posted by: jendoop | December 15, 2009 at 01:37 PM