Cycle of Life

       After steady rain for two or three days the sun has mercifully appeared. I appreciate the sun so much more after it has been away. The rain isn't always an annoyance though. When we lived in Colorado we didn't have air conditioning, so in the roasting late afternoons we were grateful to see the thunderheads bubbling up to cool us off. We'd often get an accompanying light show as the sun went down and lightning striped the sky among the tiered peaks of the mountains. 

     A few weeks ago I studied Stoicism for my Humanities class. The ancient Stoics believed that the universe is cyclical, like the patterns of the rain and sun. There is no need to strive for wealth or fame because eventually it will come to everyone, as will poverty and infamy.

     "To everything there is a season, turn, turn..."

     "The wheel in the sky keeps on turning..."   

   Those song lyrics echo through my rainsoaked head today.  

     Last night my sister called to say she had a baby. Although the last month of pregnancy was difficult, and the labor long and befitting its name, all went well and my newest nephew arrived at 7 pm last night. She said he weighed eight pounds, nine ounces and has a full head of bright blond hair like his older sister did on her birth day. As she spoke to me about his sweet cry and the family resemblance I closed my eyes, imagining being with them; watching her kiss his soft head as he melts into her arms with proud Daddy standing by. I miss holding my newborn nephew, and another that will be born soon. By the time I meet them chances are they'll be walking. 

     This morning I received an email from my Aunt saying that my Great Uncle died last night. My extended family members on that side of the family tree hold my attention and my heart, despite not knowing them well. My grandma died when I was six months old. I don't remember her. So I watch her siblings, I listen to their voices, soaking in details of who they are, trying to piece together the woman who is so much a part of me, but still a stranger.  My great uncle who passed last night is my grandma's brother. He was a jeweler and made my wedding ring exactly 18 years ago. 

    When my then fiancée and I met with him to choose the ring style my great uncle didn't know who I was. That happens in large extended families, especially when children grow up quickly, and families ties are stretched over miles and death... and remarriage... and family politics. I missed something there, a connection between family members I would have had if Grandma had been alive.  Missing that connection I felt that I couldn't sit at his knee and beg for another story of their childhood, glimpses into her. (Nevermind that if she were here the stories wouldn't mean so much.) Now I'll miss his funeral, a chance to learn more about his life and an opportunity to see my extended family. 

The cycle of life- one son, brother, man taking his first breath while another takes his last, both in our family on the same night. I'm missing it all, too far away. The cycle of life turning for us all. 

I feel like it's raining again. 

Comments

[readerMom]

1.

Aw, now I'm crying again. No fair playing with my hormones.

[Tracy Purdy]

2.

Hey! I have a new nephew born last night, too! Congratulations, and I'm sorry about your great uncle.