Today a young woman at church said something that changed my attitude. I have to explain a few things first, before you can understand why her words changed me.
The last few weeks it's felt like I have two jobs. My main job is being a stay at home mom. Most of you have a pretty good idea of all that it entails, no pay, physical and mental strain, complaints galore, and no set works hours accompanied by bountiful blessings and joy (although only after you've pulled out all your hair). My church service has amped up in the last few weeks and has felt like a part-time job, which I also don't get paid for, and is accompanied by bountiful blessings and joy.
I enjoy service (also here), it is critical to my spiritual and emotional well-being. I especially enjoy working with youth, right now my focus is in the Young Women's program. Sometimes the scale of balance is tilted a little too far in that direction though, so that my personal and family time are lacking. It's not that anyone is making me do this service, it is my choice. If I feel overwhelmed at any time I can speak up and step back. The problem is that I see the good in it, I feel good when I do it, and I want to do it. Too often I only see that I've overdone it after I've done it.
This week was one of those times - I felt overwhelmed and unbalanced, as did my family. Kids don't come out and tell you that they feel neglected, instead their issues flare up until you are forced to realize something isn't right. Nothing serious mind you, but when J. took to wearing his snow boots to school every day because his sneakers didn't fit and I hadn't taken the time to buy new ones... well that's a sign my priorities were skewed (the snow has largely melted).
I have personal warning signs too. Being easily irritated is a clue that I need to take a breather. Complaining about my work load in every conversation I have is another sign. Remembering my schedule of church meetings better than my kid's school schedule is a good one also. But the bad attitude, the irritation, sometimes feels like the worst of all the side effects because it colors my faith in a negative light. When in fact the fault lies with me. The problem isn't that the church expects too much, the problem is that it is hard to prioritize because priorities change every day, sometimes moment by moment.
So now that you understand my mental state as I went to church today I'll tell you what the young woman said that changed my attitude.
This woman is 19 years old and from Haiti. Her entire life has been one full of trials. In the recent earthquake there she lost friends and family members. When it happened she admitted that she felt angry, wondering why her life has to be so full of these large trials - why she had to loose loved ones after all she's already suffered through. As she thought about her challenges she realized that God had been with her through all of them. He is there for her in every circumstance so it's OK. She knows that those she loves are in a better place now.
I thought to myself what a strong woman she is, it left me awed. Then she said, "I am so grateful for the Young Women's Program, it has had such an impact on my life. All I am I owe to the Young Women's Program."
Her statement instantly cured my bad attitude about the amount of service I've recently given. It can be too easy to focus on the meetings and details of the work and forget that this is the real business of saving souls and improving lives. It isn't often that I hear the results of my service in such a clear way. It put wind in my sails and helped me to see that the constant struggle to juggle priorities is worth it. It was payday!
You rock, girl!
Posted by: Tracy Purdy | March 08, 2010 at 12:21 PM
Love this.
You are doing great things. The struggle for balance will always be there. But the awesome thing is that we are covered when we just keep doing our best.
Keep up the good work. I hope you print these off for your personal history, too. ;)
Posted by: m&m | March 18, 2010 at 01:37 AM