lajendi

Free to be Sugar-free

     I am still avoiding sugar. Goin' strong for 10 days so far. Ok, I did slip a bit when I had a Hershey's kiss yesterday and a bite of Baby's cookie. But other than that I'm really doing this! 

     I have to admit the reason for the excitement is because this morning the scale said I've lost 4 lbs. That is not bad for 10 days of doing nothing out of the ordinary except avoiding sugar and sugar substitutes. I eat when I'm hungry and do my usual 3x a week workouts and gardening.

     There are a few things I've found that work as coping mechanisms to stay away from sugar. I still crave a bubbly flavored drink now and then. So I mix seltzer water with a half glass of fruit juice. Once I'd been off sugar a few days I didn't need intense sweetness, so this fit the bill. (Seriously, your taste buds adjust.) Drinking only water, occasionally "spiced up" with a slice of lime or lemon, wasn't cutting it for me. I'm not a big milk drinker either. An expensive seltzer/fruit juice drink at the Co-op gave me this idea. Why pay $1 a can when I can mix the two myself? 

     The other coping tool is gum. Yes, if you want to get technical it has sugar or a sugar substitute, but significantly less than even a piece of fruit. So when I felt the need to chew on some chocolate, I chose gum instead. 

     Even being off sugar for this short amount of time has illuminated some of my addictive behaviors. Or you can call them bad habits. I eat sugar to feel comfort. A better technique is to actually deal with what is bothering me by talking about it, writing, or cuddling with DH. I eat sugar or drink a soda to self-medicate instead of taking my headache meds. Guess which works better? Needing sleep is a frequent cause of my headaches, so taking a nap works too. 

    I also eat sugar when I'm too lazy to eat real food. This week has awakened my taste buds - I realize that real food tastes better than something that only tastes sweet. A piece of fruit is sweet and in addition has a range of other flavors. I had a few strawberries this week that seriously trumped any Hershey's kiss. And I can eat a whole bunch of those, never feeling a bit guilty, but actually feeling good about eating something great.

     These few days sugar-free are showing me the patterns in my life surrounding food that aren't healthy. Who knows what I'd find out if I went off TV for a week, or (heaven forbid) took a break from the computer. 

     The end of this little experiment is tomorrow after my doctor appointment. I have a party to attend and there's no way I'm sitting out the goodies! The thing I've missed the most is chocolate. I've got a hankerin' for a slice of peanut butter chocolate cake that my friend JoAnna makes. Maybe I'll buy a bag of Reeses cups to eat on the way to the party. My daughter asks if I'll gain the 4 lbs right back. Maybe ;)

Welcome Spring!

This is my article from the Co-op newsletter, thought you might like it. 

 

      Spring has announced its arrival with an early heat wave and bountiful blossoms hanging heavy from the trees. For those of us interested in eating local natural foods, spring brings the promise of the best our area has to offer. The early warm weather has us yearning for deep salads, colorful stir-fries, and bowls of berries. In this issue of the Food Co-op newsletter we’re making the best of spring. If you’re like me and can’t wait for the summer harvest there are other ways to have great produce right now.

        Be your own local producer - grow your own sprouts! It doesn’t take special equipment, any soil, or a degree in bioengineering! 

From this site: 

    Seeds sold for sprouting are dry and dormant. Soak the seeds for several hours to trigger an end to this dormancy. Rinse the seeds in a fine colander or sieve, and remove any debris or pebbles from the seeds. Drain the seeds thoroughly, and spread them into a sterile jar [washed in a dishwasher or hand washed and boiled in water] covered with cheesecloth or a commercial sprouter, which may resemble a series of stacked trays. Keep the sprouting unit in a cool place with good air circulation. Placing the sprouts in a pantry invites mold. Rinse and drain the sprouting seeds daily. In one to four days, depending on the variety, the sprouts are ready to harvest. Place them in a salad spinner to remove excess moisture, and store them in the refrigerator. Enjoy fresh sprouts within three days of harvest for best quality. 

     There are several great websites to take you through the process step by step:

 http://www.healingdaily.com/detoxification-diet/sprouts.htm

http://www.sprouting.com/homesprouting.htm  

      Another way to enjoy veggies before their traditional arrival date is hydroponics. There are several producers for the Co-op that have hydroponic offerings. Don’t be leery of this new-fangled method of growing vegetables. While it is new, this method is based on the best the earth has to offer. I first remember hearing about hydroponic vegetables being grown on the space shuttle. In hydroponics plants are grown in a minerally enriched water solution. They are a great choice for those who are mindful of their impact on the earth.

     Because hydroponics don’t use soil, there are no worries about damaging it. When hydroponic plants grow they are sheltered from the dangers that traditional plants are susceptible to. So they are not treated with pesticides and chemicals that leave a residue. Interestingly enough, hydroponic growing uses less water than traditional methods because the water is recirculated. 

     To learn more about hydroponics check out:

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydroponics

http://www.genhydro.com/genhydro_US/quicktips/OrganicHydroponicArticle.pdf

Nothing to say Today

    

 

Attachment

     Another foster class today. Two in three days is intense. Today the class was about attachment, why it doesn't happen, what a child is like who doesn't, and what you should do with them. 

      One of the women in the session had been a foster parent of teenage girls, then she adopted one of those girls. She gave a long speech about how dealing with RAD children is so difficult that foster parents should only take in babies. Another woman went on and on about how difficult her own kids are (she's adopting her neice that she's been caring for since day one.) she doesn't know how foster parents do it. The worker teaching the class did put in a plug for RAD children, saying that no matter how difficult they are we can't just ignore them. 

     The worker then went on to tell us that our county is cutting their Child Services department by 33% before December. That means they will be overloaded on top of overloaded. When caseworkers are overloaded they don't take check on foster kids and they are pressured to return children home too soon - when that happens children are sent home when safety isn't firmly in place. Because budget cut backs like this are taking place across the country, the number of children hurt or killed by their parents, family members, or foster parents will go up dramatically in the coming year. Sad but true, in this field the money pays for people that help. When the people that help are laid off, the problem continues and gets worse. 

      The solution? Pay careful attention to who you are voting for, they make decisions that effect children that could become sociopaths without proper attention in their formative years. Our own neglect will come back to haunt us as a country.

------------------------- 

     After all of this heavy information I walked through the rain to my car. I kissed DH goodbye and cried quietly in the shelter of my car. I cried for children who are so neglected that they don't know how to give or receive love. Then I prayed while I cried. I prayed for the strength, patience, and calm, for myself and others, to foster parent these children so that one day they will know the beauty of love. 

I'm a Jerk

Here's the story, I was a jerk today. In church. Doesn't that make it twice as bad? 

Our family was sitting in church while the sacrament was happening. When the older couple next to us began to talk. First it was a loud whisper, then it became a regular volume speaking - loud enough that I could hear what they were saying. I couldn't believe it. They just kept on going. So after a few minutes I leaned over and said, "Excuse me, could you be quiet please?" 

The smile left the woman's face and it was quiet. 

A few minutes later I tried to communicate no ill will by smiling at her. 

I felt like a complete clod. Yes, I was glad they were quiet, but was it worth the price of making the woman feel bad?

So throughout the meeting I planned my apology, hardly listening to the talks. I prepared myself for a good old fashioned lecture. 

At the closing "Amen" I leaned over, took the woman by the hand and said, "Sister, I'm sorry if I was offensive."

She smiled and squeezed my hand. 

I think it's OK, but I still feel like a jerk. In the moment I wanted them to be quiet to be a good example to my kids, so I could enjoy the sacrament, and to show respect to the Savior. Was it really any of my business to ask them to be quiet? 

Are We Messing Up a Good Thing?

     Life gets so busy that we can go more than a week without a quiet night with everyone home. We finally had a few nights like that and the weather has been beautiful too. It felt so right. There were still little bits of bickering, dishes still had to be done, diapers still were changed, life was going on and it felt like sunshine and spring breezes.  

     Towards the end of one of those nights I said to DH, "Sometimes I wonder why we want to mess this up by doing foster care." 

     He looked at me and smiled.

     "Not that I'm ready to back out or anything..."

     "I know what you mean."

     Of course we think these types of things, it's part of making a smart decision. Pros and cons and all of that. But when you feel you're supposed to do something the better question is, what will we miss if we don't do it?

     Our foster training class today went well. It was long, but in the end I wished for more time because it was great info. The instructor has been working in foster care management for 20 years. His enthusiasm is contagious and his real life experience was an amazing resource. He knows troubled kids, he knows how to help, and how people unintentionally put up roadblocks in helping children. 

     Two things I learned from the training that will help me be a better parent, not just a better foster parent, are to use more positive reinforcement (rewards) and how to manage a crisis situation. 

     DH and I have always tried to use positive reinforcement but I think I need to make a more conscious effort of rewarding with more than verbal praise. The instructor pointed out that negative consequences won't work if they aren't balanced out with positive consequences (more positive than negative). If all a child receives are punishments then their motivation fails and they won't try. We all, adults included, respond better to rewards. When was the last time you felt like going to work when you were told you wouldn't get a paycheck?

     The biggest key to managing a crisis situation is never letting it become a crisis situation. Know your child's warning signs and diffusing the situation before it hits the boiling point. There is one very specific thing that you shouldn't do while the actual crisis (ie. tantrum) is happening, and I've been doing it. When the instructor explained it, it made perfect sense - the child is unreasonable so trying to negotiate or give consequences is a fruitless effort. Especially negative consequences. Punishing a child who is in crisis mode is likely to extend the crisis and/or make it worse. I've been doing this. I can think of a few specific instances recently when I've tried to diffuse a tantrum by telling the child that I'm going to ground them or put them in time out if they don't stop. And of course they get more upset at the thought of being punished and it gets ugly. 

     So instead, the techniques I learned to deal with an in process crisis situation are to (very first though, make sure the child is safe - move harmful objects away, etc.)- 

     A.) Do something to distract the child from the tantrum. Sing a silly song, one woman suggested the Spongebob theme song. Your silliness will become more amusing than the tantrum, the child will relax and then you'll be able to calmly work through the situation. 

     B.) Let them tantrum out. Eventually the tantrum will end, don't force it. The child is unreasonable at this point so trying to punish, discuss, or lecture is fruitless. Speaking to them calmly, telling them that when they are done tantruming they can find you to work out a solution, was one suggestion.

     I appreciated that the Instructor also gave plenty of leeway for individual and family adaptation depending on needs. Creativity is also important. 

     So those are just two things I and my kids would have missed out on if I hadn't taken this course, which was the next step in fostering. Fostering is going to be good for everyone. We just cross our fingers that there'll be more good than bad ;)

A Triple

Today my goal was to write an essay for Humanities class, finish the Food Co-op newsletter, and rent a rototiller and till the garden. When I told DH my plans this morning, he snickered and said, "Oh, that's all?" 

Yes, it was ambitious. I wanted to be free of the mental burdens that those tasks had become. I wanted a free weekend. 

I did it. I only got 9/10 on my essay, one of the articles in the newsletter wasn't overhauled, the newsletter had no recipes, and the rototiller resulted in a little cursing and an extra trip to exchange a broken machine. By 8 pm it was done. My wrists hurt from holding that rototiller (not good for carpal tunnel), I'm tired, full of pizza because I didn't make dinner, and on my way to the shower. 

Here's to a relaxing weekend! -without sugar. Yes, I'm still on the wagon. Yesterday the kids ate the peanut butter squares and I went to the food co-op where they had a nice fruit juice seltzer to help with the soda cravings and lots of great produce. If I can make it through the first weekend sugar-free then the second week will be easier. Amanda was right, the first few days of something like this are the hardest. It's getting a bit easier now. 

Today another one of our background checks came back in the mail. Yesterday at DH's interview for foster care the worker encouraged us to move up our homestudy. She is super supportive, or they're short on foster parents, or both. She also said we don't need to have the bedroom reassignments done for the homestudy, meaning that we don't actually have to show them a bed. They really need fosters. She also got our recommendation letters back, everyone said they wrote good things about us. One person who talked to her on the phone said her response to his assessment was, 'You've just confirmed everything I've felt about them. They'll be good.' Did I say that they're really desperate for foster parents?

Next step for me is storing all the medications and poisons (cleaning products, drano, WD40, etc.) according to foster parenting rules. Tomorrow we have a three hour foster training about discipline and dealing with crisis. I'll keep my jokes about duct tape and rope to myself. 

Trying to be Perfect in an Imperfect World -Or- Why Going Off Sugar is Meaningless Torture

     After that title do I really need to write a post? That pretty much sums it up, but I'll elaborate and share my brand of crazy with you. Bear with me, in the end all this yammering will relate to sugar abstinence.

     First let's agree that we're not perfect. Nobody with their feet firmly on planted on earth at this moment has it all together. We're all individuals so what kind of imperfect we are varies. 

     As a mother, a woman trying to help her family, part of my job is to spot imperfection and put an end to it. Dirty pants? Wash em'. Crying Baby? Put her to bed. Overgrown Apple tree? Trim it. Seven year old whining for cookies? Feed it dinner. Mom the problem solver. 

     Moms get something out of being the "fixer"- Control. We decide what kind of dirty pants the child is wearing and how they'll be washed. We decide what sort of bedtime routine Baby will have and when. We decide if the apple tree is allowed to be tall, wide, or gone. We decide what the family will eat for dinner, how it is prepared, and when it will be. Moms are in the driver's seat. 

     Problem is, everyone's imperfect, the earth itself isn't even perfect. We're surrounded by stuff that needs fixing, stuff that needs cleaning, or people that need managing. There is an inexhaustible supply of messes. As a mom it's easy to focus on the messes, to get out our microscope and never put it away. "There's a problem - FIX IT!" the mother cries. This is the kind of craziness that leads a mom to go off sugar for two weeks. 

     This life is not just about fixing problems, although it is a part of what we're doing here. Working out our salvation. Trying to make everything right myself leaves out critical players - Christ and God. The plan is not for us to do everything perfectly and live our lives in harmony and peace - not possible. But that is what most mothers are striving for! Which is why mothers are often overwhelmed and depressed about their jobs - the goal they set is impossible. 

       I struggle with the line between my personal responsibility and the grace of God. When the scriptures say that we are saved after all we can do, what exactly is all I can do? There is a story from my high school days which gives a little too much insight into why this is an issue for me. (I'm going out on a huge limb here, so be gentle with me.)

     My senior year of high school I was invited to participate in the Homecoming Queen Pageant. This was not my thing, but I wanted the scholarship money so I was talked into it. Once I threw my hat in the ring I went after it (while still pretending to be non-nonchalant about it)- had a dress made (nothing with shiny fabric or sequins), made a slideshow of my artwork and set it to music, and even put on some makeup. 

    In preparing for the pageant I was advised to talk about my artwork in addition to showing it. I didn't want to, it was too personal, too hard to put into words. It wasn't just a scapegoat though, I had seen my art mean different things to different people and I didn't want to tell anyone what they should be seeing or feeling.  So I stuck with pictures and music. 

     The day of the pageant comes and all goes well, until my slideshow - the music wasn't cued properly so it didn't start until halfway through the slideshow. At that point there wasn't anything I could do, so I kept going. I did not win the pageant, but several of the judges told me that they wondered why the music started where it did and that my scores were high enough that I could have won if I had talked about my art. They probably thought they were putting salve on my wounds, when really it felt like they were insensitively probing a fresh wound. I had tried something new and failed. Then I was told if I had just done more I could have been successful. 

     In that situation I made a judgment call about what was enough and I was wrong. Hello - here we are almost 20 years later and I'm still trying to figure out what is enough and erring on the side of too much.

      Now's the part where I tie together these threads of perfectionism, trusting God, the Homecoming Pageant, and sugar deprivation. 

     Sugar is everywhere. Try going off of it for one day, just a day, and see what I mean. It is everywhere and in everything. Soda billboards by the library, leftover peanut butter squares (like I used to have in elementary school, with the layer of chocolate) from the kid's activity, hershey kisses in the freezer, granola bars, vitamin water, lunch specials, family bonding time, after school snacks, EVERYWHERE! Not eating sugar takes near-constant vigilence and it's making me crazy and grumpy. I am not feeling any physical benefits. 

     Obviously stepping away from perfectionism is a problem for me, yet I still choose a very perfectionist goal. Know the biggest reason I decided to do this? (and I haven't even told DH this yet) I have a doctor appointment in two weeks and I don't want to see the scale numbers higher than they were last time. I want to please the doctor so he won't give me a lecture about diet and exercise. I know all about diet and exercise, I exercise regularly. It's the food that's so hard for me. I don't want to be called out for not doing enough. The cry for "MORE" when I'm already doing all I can makes me crying crazy. 

    To get over these issues it is clear that I must begin consuming sugar again ;) There is a peanut butter square calling my name. Should I answer?

Fostering to Change

     We're slowly telling more people about our journey to fostering. It is amazing to me - many people I have told said that they've also thought about fostering. It warms my heart to have so much support, to have people understand why we're changing our lives. 

    The largest reason people say they are hesitant to jump into fostering is that they are afraid of their heart breaking when the child leaves. 

     It is a concern for me, and one I have for my children. 

      When we cared for four children in an emergency foster situation my heart became entangled in their lives. Though they stayed in our home for just a few days, I knew them before that, and continued to be a support after they left - until their new foster mom cut off all contact. Because of HIPA laws the social worker couldn't share details once the children were no longer with us. Eventually I heard that they were returned home. That is all I know about those children whose lives left a permanent imprint on my heart. 

     I cried. I kept a lot to myself because it was too messy to explain. DH was a great support but mostly it took time. After the pain eased a bit I realized something. God put me in the children's lives, I was there in the moment something had to happen to protect them. It took humility and trust in God to realize that he could put others into their lives in the same way. I didn't have to be the one to save them, God was saving them in his own way with good people throughout the community. 

     A foster podcast I listen to gave another good insight into dealing with children leaving foster homes, leaving heartbreak in their wake. To sum it up simply - they say it's worth the pain. Doesn't every child deserve to have someone care about them so much that they cry over them? Especially children who are in such dire straits. Whether someone decides to foster or not, children are still in pain and need. It is a truly service because in the end you could be left with nothing but memories and empty arms.

    Because I'm worried about what my kids will go through when they lose a foster sibling I have an idea that I hope will help. In the beginning of our foster experience we'll be doing respite care. This is caring for a foster child while their long term foster parents get a break. These visits can be as short as a day or as long as two weeks. My hope is that in doing respite care my children will come to understand in a real way that foster children go home. If we were to start out fostering with a long term placement (up to 18 months) it would be extremely hard to understand. I guess in a way it is toughening them up. In some situations I've heard that kids are happy to have foster kids go home so they can get more of their parent's attention. 

    If you're interested in fostering look into foster agencies in your area. Just calling for information won't put you on a target list. Foster agencies are very friendly and understanding if you inquire but never pursue it. I found our agency on the internet, their stats were impressive and when we met them and saw where their office was it all fell into place. 

    To end this post I want to share a song I heard for the first time today-

Not Even Trying

     I've half-heartedly been trying to potty train Baby. This time around I don't want the power struggle so we're taking it at her pace. She knows all the mechanics, she even willingly washes her hands. The problem is that she only farts when she sits on the potty. Until yesterday. 

     DH and I had a foster class in the afternoon so I took Baby to a friend's house for babysitting. When I dropped her off I took her into the bathroom to do a quick diaper change before I left. While in there Baby wanted to use the potty, I said sure. SHE ACTUALLY TINKLED! It was very exciting! While my friend, her mom, and I were whooping it up and praising Baby she just looked at us like it was no big deal.

    The thing I'm amazed at is that she went when we weren't even trying. I hadn't asked if she needed to go, no recent potty talks, nothing. It just happened. I think that happens in my life as a mother more often than I'd like to admit. I can push to try and make things happen, stressing everyone in the process, but it just happens when it happens. There's no pushing the timetable.  

   The follow-up is that today nothing was produced on the potty. Instead she farted in my face when I changed her poopy diaper. 

    Being a mom is so glamorous.