My parents flew back to Utah today (and boy are their arms tired! Sorry, had to say it.) The ILs went back on Tuesday. It is a weird thing to have family visit, we still have things that need to be done - diaper changes, getting up at 5 am for seminary, grocery shopping, laundry, etc.- but we were on an altered/vacation sort of mode.
Last night my parents watched the kids so that DH and I could go to a retirement party for one of his co-workers. We had a few quiet minutes to talk and of course the subject of our parents came up. I told him that while interacting with our parents the last few days and seeing how different they are I'm kind of amazed that our marriage has worked out so well. (FOR THE RECORD: Everyone was lovely, there was no hair pulling, or fist fights. People are just different, not wrong or right, good or bad, but different.)
When DH and I got married I had only been away from home one year. Looking back on that 19 year old (yikes!) girl I see her as very much a product of her home environment. I think that's what most parents think will happen. That's why we try to be good parents, we believe that we have a huge impact on our children.
In the .2 seconds between the time I asked that question and DH answered me, he came up with a perfect answer- "I married you for who you are, you. Not the product of your environment, but who you are as an individual." His answer allows me to be me, allows my parents to be who they are, and his parents to be who they are, without guilt, judgment, or implied black and white labels.
What I said about parents before probably isn't true. As parents we don't believe that children are simply a product of their home environment - we hope and pray that our children will ignore our faults and take the best things we have to offer and move forward into their futures equipped with something valuable.
John, Karla, Gary and Chris - Thank you for everything.
I hope my kids will ignore my many faults as I stumble along to be a parent. Thanks for your post!
Posted by: The Sweet Escape | April 10, 2010 at 11:52 PM