lajendi

Judgement

 

     For the last week I've been battling Dante. I had to read the Divine Comedy for Humanities class. It wasn't horrid to read, and in the context of the time period it is interesting to consider. I also had to write a paper on it, that was hard. Specifically how Dante used Aristotle's theories to structure the different levels of hell - Those in 'regular hell' were those who committed sins against reason - fraud, deceit, and treachery. Those in the worst hell were those who committed sins against reason and against the community - Brutus, Judas Iscariot, and Cassius. Interesting ideas, none of which I subscribe to. 

     It did get me thinking though, about The Judgement, and what hell really is. 

     A week or two ago in Sunday School we were discussing the children of Israel. They did many things that we modern religious people look back on and laugh, "God just parted the Red Sea but they couldn't wait for Moses, they had to make a golden calf?" or  "They were getting manna from heaven, why criticize it?" It's not so easy to laugh when you apply those thoughts to modern day situations though. 

     We were talking about the miracle of the quails. Here's the shortened Jen version - The children of Israel were sick of eating just manna all the time. They wanted meat to eat. They complained to Moses and Moses passed along the complaint to God. God said, 'If they want flesh, I'll give em' flesh' and rained quail down on the children of Israel.  The people ate this quail, they ate a lot of it. Then the story gets interesting (I know, like food falling from the sky wasn't interesting enough). 

"And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord smote the people with a very great plague." Numbers 11:33

     Some of the people who ate the quail were killed by this plague. A plague that happened because of God's wrath. 

     I've been to innumerable Sunday School classes but it is only now that I'm scratching my head over this type of occurrence that happens very frequently in the Old Testament.  There is a lot of writing about God's wrath in there. In some ways it isn't syncing up with my personal view of God, my Heavenly Father. 

     I feel that God is loving, he is literally our spirit father and cares for us in a similar way to how I care for my children. I believe that God allows us to suffer the consequences of our choices so that we can learn good from evil. I can't see that same God inflicting something horrible, like a plague, upon the children that he loves purely out of wrath. There must be purpose there, it isn't wrath purely for wrath's sake. 

     So in Sunday School I raised my hand to comment about the plague suffered by the people when they ate all that quail. "Maybe the plague wasn't necessarily God's vengeance or anger, maybe it was God allowing them to suffer the consequences of their actions. They ate too much quail meat when their bodies were only used to eating manna so they got sick and a few died."

    The Sunday School teacher responded, "Well what do you think the plague was then?"

     My response, "Maybe they died of sudden onset heart disease."

     Everyone chuckled and we moved on. All joking aside, there is a connection there for me, on several levels. We are no different from the children of Israel. We complain when we are surrounded with bounty, so God gives us what we ask for so we can see for ourselves that it isn't good. Perhaps our modern day plague resulting from getting what we've asked for is obesity, diabetes, heart disease, etc. 

     The deeper issue, the one I'm really struggling with is the idea that God wouldn't only allow consequences to run their course, and thus school us in eternal laws, but would heap on an additional amount of pain and suffering. 

     This relates to my ideas about what hell is. I think we as sinners create our own personal hell. Have you ever watched one of those addiction recovery TV programs? Watching an addict recover from drug addiction looks like hell to me. God didn't have to throw in any wrath, the pure consequences of the drug addiction were powerful enough on their own. Is that what hell will be like? Not just drug addicts, but those of us who didn't resolve our issues in this life will be trying to work them out in the next? 

     Religious people can be very self-righteous when talking about judgement and what hell will be like. Some even revel in the belief that they will  be enjoying heaven while their fellow men suffer in hell. Christ teaches us to love one another, to care for our brother. I would think if we reach that kind of love then watching that brother we love suffer in hell would be no heaven for a true Christian. Along those same lines, I believe that the love we as humans are capable of feeling is only a small portion of how much God loves us. If God loves us so much more, how can he stand to inflict more pain upon us than is absolutely needed for our learning and progression. (Pain is a great teacher.)

      Anyone have a thought about this that might help me?

National Foster Care Month

     May is National Foster Care Month. So we're going to celebrate by moving our homestudy up to May 27th! That means we'll be fostering in about a month, how crazy is that!? Thankfully our wonderful friend has agreed to watch our kids so DH and I can have a little getaway before fostering begins. This is a big part of our plan to be successful - we have to be a well-functioning married team to handle the stress a foster child will bring. 

     Today was another foster parenting class for me. It went a full two hours because a mom in the class had major issues with the subject for today - discipline. Listening to her I counted my lucky stars that my kids respond well to discipline and that we already employ many of the recommended techniques. Charts to track goals and positive behavior are a one we don't use, but we do use other forms of positive reinforcement like allowance. When we have a foster child I may need to use charts just so no one gets lost in the shuffle. (They gave me a whole pack of charts that work for toddlers up to teens, tell me if you'd like a few and I'll email them to you.) 

     Discipline is a fine balance with any child. The goal is to teach the rules of productive living while at the same time building a loving relationship. The one doesn't preclude the other. That balance is even more important and delicate with a foster child who desperately needs proper discipline and love. Thankfully I won't be alone in trying to meet a foster child's needs, we have a great foster agency, friends, and church family. 

Learn a bit more about Foster Care through these links, it's changed in the last decade and might not be what you think it is:

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The National Foster Parent Association forum - maybe the question you have is being answered, or see what fosters are talking about. 

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On this site you'll find personal stories.

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This is another site with stories from foster children, foster parents, birth parents, and social workers. 

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Here's a foster/adoptive mother sharing the story of the woman who fostered her baby until the adoption was final.

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Foster parents of over 150 infants through 25 years - Amazing and Inspiring!

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I love the title of this fostering blog! - Peace, Love, Understanding, Can I get that to go?

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This one is good too - Noisy, Colorful, Lively

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And just in case you missed my previous posts - These are the two foster blogs I check daily. Fosterhood in NYC is for humor and Popp Life is for the spiritual. 

Attachment

     Another foster class today. Two in three days is intense. Today the class was about attachment, why it doesn't happen, what a child is like who doesn't, and what you should do with them. 

      One of the women in the session had been a foster parent of teenage girls, then she adopted one of those girls. She gave a long speech about how dealing with RAD children is so difficult that foster parents should only take in babies. Another woman went on and on about how difficult her own kids are (she's adopting her neice that she's been caring for since day one.) she doesn't know how foster parents do it. The worker teaching the class did put in a plug for RAD children, saying that no matter how difficult they are we can't just ignore them. 

     The worker then went on to tell us that our county is cutting their Child Services department by 33% before December. That means they will be overloaded on top of overloaded. When caseworkers are overloaded they don't take check on foster kids and they are pressured to return children home too soon - when that happens children are sent home when safety isn't firmly in place. Because budget cut backs like this are taking place across the country, the number of children hurt or killed by their parents, family members, or foster parents will go up dramatically in the coming year. Sad but true, in this field the money pays for people that help. When the people that help are laid off, the problem continues and gets worse. 

      The solution? Pay careful attention to who you are voting for, they make decisions that effect children that could become sociopaths without proper attention in their formative years. Our own neglect will come back to haunt us as a country.

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     After all of this heavy information I walked through the rain to my car. I kissed DH goodbye and cried quietly in the shelter of my car. I cried for children who are so neglected that they don't know how to give or receive love. Then I prayed while I cried. I prayed for the strength, patience, and calm, for myself and others, to foster parent these children so that one day they will know the beauty of love. 

A Triple

Today my goal was to write an essay for Humanities class, finish the Food Co-op newsletter, and rent a rototiller and till the garden. When I told DH my plans this morning, he snickered and said, "Oh, that's all?" 

Yes, it was ambitious. I wanted to be free of the mental burdens that those tasks had become. I wanted a free weekend. 

I did it. I only got 9/10 on my essay, one of the articles in the newsletter wasn't overhauled, the newsletter had no recipes, and the rototiller resulted in a little cursing and an extra trip to exchange a broken machine. By 8 pm it was done. My wrists hurt from holding that rototiller (not good for carpal tunnel), I'm tired, full of pizza because I didn't make dinner, and on my way to the shower. 

Here's to a relaxing weekend! -without sugar. Yes, I'm still on the wagon. Yesterday the kids ate the peanut butter squares and I went to the food co-op where they had a nice fruit juice seltzer to help with the soda cravings and lots of great produce. If I can make it through the first weekend sugar-free then the second week will be easier. Amanda was right, the first few days of something like this are the hardest. It's getting a bit easier now. 

Today another one of our background checks came back in the mail. Yesterday at DH's interview for foster care the worker encouraged us to move up our homestudy. She is super supportive, or they're short on foster parents, or both. She also said we don't need to have the bedroom reassignments done for the homestudy, meaning that we don't actually have to show them a bed. They really need fosters. She also got our recommendation letters back, everyone said they wrote good things about us. One person who talked to her on the phone said her response to his assessment was, 'You've just confirmed everything I've felt about them. They'll be good.' Did I say that they're really desperate for foster parents?

Next step for me is storing all the medications and poisons (cleaning products, drano, WD40, etc.) according to foster parenting rules. Tomorrow we have a three hour foster training about discipline and dealing with crisis. I'll keep my jokes about duct tape and rope to myself. 

Background Checks and "First Aid"

     Last week DH and I attended a First Aid and CPR class as part of the requirements for becoming a foster parent. I've had plenty of first aid training over the years and have gotten friendly with a few Annie dolls. So going into this class we thought we knew what to expect. We were laughably wrong. 

 

     The class consisted of watching a video about CPR, then the "instructor" asked if we had any questions. Nope. Next video about first aid. Any questions? Nope. She read over the handouts with us, recommended a local resource for car seats and sent us on our way.  

     It was nice to have such an easy time of it, but it did leave me grateful that I'd had time with Annie before. What if I actually need to use first aid or CPR? Obviously if I really felt lost I could have asked for more help. No harm no foul, hopefully. 

     Another molehill we're trying to summit in our quest for fosterhood are the background checks. There are several of them because we've moved around, and they all cost money. Then we have to be fingerprinted and have an FBI child abuse history check. Thankfully the days of going down to the local police station to be fingerprinted with ink are over. We went to a local shipping/packaging store and they scanned our fingerprints into the computer. Easy peasy. There are two more background checks to send off and they need money orders and I haven't found the time to do that yet. 

     We also filled out a budget form, showing that our financial demands are not greater than our resources. On paper I am sickened by our debt, but happy that we have money left over at the end of the month. On paper anyway. 

     Tomorrow I go in for my one on one interview, DH's is next week and we have foster parenting classes every week for the next 6 weeks as well. The way things are looking we'll be fostering by summer. Guess what? Summer isn't that far away. This morning I've had cold feet a bit, nervous about what I can handle (I know, stop second guessing it already!) Thankfully DH got me back on track by showing me this comment on an LDS blog:

from a young kid during a testimony:

"I've never really had a home. I've been in foster care most of my life, and no family has ever really wanted me." 

It was even more jolting given the fact that the boy couldn't have been more than 12 years old but was incredibly mature in how he spoke and handled himself. I'm beyond grateful that the boy who bore his testimony didn't end it with that, but rather with this: 

"I just want to tell my new family that I love them, and that I'm grateful that they love me. It is a great feeling to know someone loves you. I'm so happy to have a home, a family, a mom and dad, and that they bring me to church."

Valley Forge

Today's outing with the Grandparents was to Valley Forge. (Did I mention they were visiting?) The weather was beautiful and we had an enjoyable time. 

Being the tour bus driver, I didn't have many opportunities to take photos. At Washington Memorial Chapel I couldn't resist handing Baby off to DH so I could take a few and enjoy the grounds. It is a gorgeous gem. Although, I did read in the pamphlet later that George Washington never set foot in the place, it's only 106 years old. So I felt a little misled, but it is a magnificent tribute none the less. 

 

R and A walking by the church
  
 

 

As we walked in I was overwhelmed by the smell of flowers. I thought it might have been incense, but as I walked towards the pulpit I saw that it was surrounded by potted flowers, mostly Easter lilies. I had a 'duh' moment when I realized that the chapel was full of Easter worshipers 24 hours before. 

   

Worshipers, that's a funny word when you break it down. I wonder if it is related to a Christian fact I read about in Humanities class. In the early days of Christianity churches were built in a specific way. There was an atrium or courtyard where the worshipers washed themselves before entering the main area of the church, or nave. The nave is where all those listening to the sermon would sit. My textbook said this area was compared to the hold of a ship. Believers felt they were traveling through life in this ship together and they would all, together, reach their ultimate destination - heaven, which was symbolized by another area of the church building.

If you think about the way rows of benches are aligned in a chapel it does remind you of the rows of benches in the cargo hold of old ships. I thought of it today while viewing this beautiful church today, with the benches neatly aligned.

(sorry, not a great photo) 

 Another interesting tidbit, the anchor was used as a symbol of hope. The sense I make of that is that Christ is the anchor of the ship, the church, and because of him believers have hope. It was neat to see these symbols today,  in a church built 2000 years after they were first introduced by Christian worshipers. 

there was an anchor on a ceiling medallion in the cloisters that is similar to this one 

This statue of a woman kneeling with a lit lamp reminded me of the parable of the ten virgins. 

 

A in the cloisters

 

J under the Magnolia tree
 
 

Spring Happenings

Today my friend has a post at MW - how their family worked with God to help their daughter with Kawasaki Disease. 

I submitted for my Humanities mid-term! It is such a relief to be halfway through the class. Applying for foster care lit a fire under me, I really need to finish this class and be well on my way to finishing a Psych Stats class before we get into full-time fostering. After that major class the remaining classes will be cake, with a few rocks baked in. 

I finally planted seeds! The warm weather encouraged me to believe that it will eventually get warm enough for things to grow. They sprouted  quickly this year. 

 

I also tested my garden soil - it is pathetic. Low on everything although the acidity levels are good. But by the time I adjust all the other issues I'll probably have issues with acidity. Composted manure here I come!

Today I finished The Sugar Queen. I highly recommend it, this book came along just when I needed it. A good story with a magical lightness. Yummy!

News Flash - Eating well is difficult. I have to share how horridly I ate on Saturday so I can feel good about improving: 

Breakfast: Lucky Charms with lowfat milk. This makes no sense. I should have poured on the heavy cream while I was at it. We never have Lucky Charms in the house, but I got them for J's birthday. 

Lunch: At Chuck E Cheese for J's friend's birthday party so, you guessed it: 2 1/2 slices of pizza and soda. Why not the salad bar? Because the pizza was right there in front of me while the salad bar required a little effort. 

Dinner: Popeyes. Do I need to tell you the scary details? Full confession purges the soul - two deep fried fish fillets, biscuit with honey, cole slaw (got a veggie in there!) and a full sugar sprite. 

Is there any wonder that I had a headache and achy knees on Sunday? My body was nearly suffering from malnutrition even though I went far over the number of calories required to sustain life. So after that I'm quite proud of myself for eating these things today (although not necessarily the best choices) 

Breakfast: granola bar, a few grapes, and water.

Mid morn snack - juice and 2 whole wheat muffins (I noticed that most juices now have water and sugar as their leading ingredients. We aren't drinking juice, we're drinking sugar water, like hummingbirds.) I'm under no delusions about the sugar content of this meal, even with the whole wheat - not good choices. 

Lunch - Ham and cheese sandwich, half of Baby's chocolate muffin. Don't say a word about that muffin, it was going to waste. 

Afternoon snack - V8 juice and a trail mix of nuts and dried blueberries (a new find that is great! So great I think I ate too much.)

Dinner - Haven't eaten yet but plan to train wreck the day with scrambled eggs, hashbrowns and juice because I don't feel like making dinner. I'll make it up tomorrow by making Chicken Chili. 

I'm telling myself that we'll eat better soon when the veggies are in season. 

To end this scatterbrained post, here's a picture Baby took of herself.

 

Our Genesis of Foster Parenting

DH and I have submitted an application to become foster parents. Those words "foster parenting" aren't my favorite. I like being a parent, but the sometimes negative connotations of "foster parent" I don't like. Foster parenting can sound big, ugly, overwhelming, complicated, and of course people automatically think about severely disturbed children with sexual issues. While all of those things can be a part of foster parenting they are not the definition of it. 

The first post I linked to a few days ago was specifically about adopting, but I think the explanation of love in action is what foster parenting is. What I didn't like about that post is, "And don't get me started on the foster care system. That is most certainly not a solution. Children need families. God's best for a child is not foster care or an orphanage. It is a family." This is a complete misunderstanding of the foster care system, and an innate misunderstanding of the potential of human beings. 

Parenting is an indescribable job. You have to do it to understand it. To be a good one you need examples, and not everyone has had a good example. You need a solid foundation in life to be a good parent, or major restoration as an adult. To be a good parent you need to be free from major addictions and be financially and mentally capable of providing care for a needy little person. Not everyone who has children is capable of being a proper parent (notice I didn't say "a perfect parent"). To me this doesn't mean that their family should be immediately ripped apart and their child permanently given to another. People can change, this belief is at the heart of the religion I practice and the way I live my life. 

Because I believe people can change I feel that parents who can't properly care for their child(ren) should be given the opportunity to change. The problem is that it takes time. While the parent is changing and learning the child needs a safe, loving, and stable environment in which they can grow and learn as well. This is what a good foster family offers. 

On this podcast I heard a former foster child tell his story. His mother was an alcoholic, who loved he and his brother dearly but couldn't properly care for them while addicted. He stayed in foster homes 3 different times while his mother worked to get rid of her addiction. Eventually she kicked the habit and their family was reunited permanently. That is a success story of foster parenting, that is the goal (or should be) of every foster parent. 

I believe in the power of families. I believe a child will have the best life possible if they can live in safety and health with their own parents because the bond of parenthood is that strong. This is worth working for. It is worth society investing in parents. It is worth the heartache my family and I will feel when a child leaves our home to be reunified with their parent(s). It is worth the struggle our family will have while helping children who carry baggage from their family's dysfunction. Children are worth that, every soul on the earth is worth that. As I told a friend recently, "They are real people, children of Heavenly Father. They deserve to have someone cry over them."

Foster parents are sometimes asked if they think they are perfect parents. I laugh about that. No way do I think I am perfect, nor do I have any illusions about the perfection of the rest of my family. Something I saw in our city explains why, even though I'm flawed, I feel I have a home worth opening to foster kids.

I was walking down the street in our city when a local elementary school let out. Many parents were shepherding backpacked children through the streets. One mother and her young son walked in front of me. The mother berated the child constantly with many expletives thrown in. I walked behind her for at least 3 minutes and in that time her mouth spewed some of the most vile filth I've ever heard and it was directed towards a child. She eventually stopped to tie his shoe (which was all his "!$*# fault, and why couldn't the little *$%?#@ tie his own &*%*! shoe?!!) As she bent over to tie his shoe I walked past them. That little boy looked up at me with a blank expression, staring straight through me. I wanted to stop that mother, to tell her how inappropriate it was, to stand up for that child. But that woman was huge, she'd probably have no problem taking her frustrations out on this  *#$@ white lady. In the end the child would probably suffer more wrath at her hands if I tried to interviene. So I said nothing, kept walking, and prayed for that little boy. 

That is just one experience among many I've had that pushes my heart towards fostering. Maybe I'll share a few more of those experiences here in the future. 

The certification process for foster parents is a long one with many steps. We've just begun, the process will likely take 4 months and at any time something could come up that would exclude us from approval. So while we want to be foster parents there are a lot of things that could derail the process.

I'll share some of the process, the ups and downs, here on the blog. It's nice to finally share this huge new part of our life with everyone. We had to keep it private while we deliberated and discussed it with our children. They are all on board, although they may not have a complete understanding of what we're in for. What am I saying? Even I don't have a complete understanding of what we're in for! But I do have confidence in God's help and our ability as human beings to do difficult things. 

Any questions?

Randomness

     Here it is the end of another busy day and I realize I haven't posted. Not that I haven't thought of posting, as I ponder deep and meaningful things throughout the day I wonder if they are blog worthy - the lady at the gym who stole a treadmill from that confused grandpa, Baby's obsession with the word "mine", if I worked really hard on my school work maybe I could get this dragging humanities class over, how hard it is to find Avatar birthday paraphernalia, how that Avatar stuff might be worthless if I don't get an RSVP back from anyone! See, very important thoughts. 

     J. was home sick yesterday, R. today. At least with R. sick I can still leave the house to do my thing (do I get Mom of the Year for that?). Otherwise I might have lost it. I felt horrible last night, even wondering if I was coming down with the sick, again. This morning I got more sleep (because I didn't have to drive R. to seminary), then I hit the gym = all better. It's times like these that I realize how critical exercise is to the health and well-being of my entire person. You name it - mind, body, spirit, emotions- they are all positively impacted by exercise. Today when I felt so much better it occurred to me that all those months of feeling like crud and wondering if I was really sick could have been the result of not being able to exercise properly because of my knee issues. Whatever the reason, I'm sure glad it's over. On Saturday I walked through the neighborhood for 30 minutes and had no knee pain afterwards. That is awesome!

     Last night as I laid in bed in a stupor I watched Housewives of Orange County - that's how weird my brain gets when I don't exercise. It's bizarre stuff, so out of this world they might as well have blue skin and tails. There was a woman who arrived in a limo, eating and drinking at an exclusive party, wearing who knows how much $ jewelry, and she cries, "My life sucks, I just don't know what I'm going to do!" Hmm. I don't know what you're going to do either - little violin playing just for you. Then I changed the channel to American Pickers. 

     It is time to plant seeds if I want to get a jump on the garden. The little crocus flowers that just popped out remind me every time I walk by. It's not a difficult task, just one with multiple steps that is too complicated when added to everything else. Buy seedling kit, buy seeds, plant seeds, water seeds, put in a window. Not hard. Just need to do it. Like grocery shopping, not hard, just need to do it - without a sick kid in tow. 

     I thought about posting this video, but worried that more depression stuff would be depressing. Here it is anyway (it's not depressing)-

I was reluctant to post it because I am so concerned about a finger of blame ever being pointed at a depressed person accusing them of bringing on their demons. That said, it's a good video. 

See ya tomorrow, maybe I'll have something posted worth reading, if you're lucky.

Those Greeks

I took philosophy about 18 years ago and didn't like it. 

I read Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle this week and my opinion hasn't changed. The whole dialectic argument is reason-less to me. "It seems that I'm wiser than he in just this one small way: that what I don't know, I don't think I know." That's from our old friend Sowcrates. I think debating with him is a bit like pin the tail on the donkey - he gets you good and confused and then asks you to perform a simple task - like telling him if you think you are wise. Whatever your answer is he'll find a way to twist it to fit his argument.  

 Death of Socrates, by Jacques-Louis David

 "The activity of philosophic wisdom is admittedly the pleasantest of virtuous activities." - Aristotle 

 I couldn't disagree more. There are a lot of pleasant virtuous activities that are more pleasant than philosophy, especially when you get graded on it. (One of them even produces children!) My grade in Philosophy, as you can guess from my complete lack of comprehension, was not good. (However the Apgar scores on all of my children were great!)

I toyed with the idea of posting my essay about Socrates. But I didn't want to tempt anyone with plagiarizing. Yes, it is that good - I did mention how much I love philosophy, right? There might have also been a little consideration for my future blog stats too. So if you promise to come back I promise not to post it.