DH and I have submitted an application to become foster parents. Those words "foster parenting" aren't my favorite. I like being a parent, but the sometimes negative connotations of "foster parent" I don't like. Foster parenting can sound big, ugly, overwhelming, complicated, and of course people automatically think about severely disturbed children with sexual issues. While all of those things can be a part of foster parenting they are not the definition of it.
The first post I linked to a few days ago was specifically about adopting, but I think the explanation of love in action is what foster parenting is. What I didn't like about that post is, "And don't get me started on the foster care system. That is most certainly not a solution. Children need families. God's best for a child is not foster care or an orphanage. It is a family." This is a complete misunderstanding of the foster care system, and an innate misunderstanding of the potential of human beings.
Parenting is an indescribable job. You have to do it to understand it. To be a good one you need examples, and not everyone has had a good example. You need a solid foundation in life to be a good parent, or major restoration as an adult. To be a good parent you need to be free from major addictions and be financially and mentally capable of providing care for a needy little person. Not everyone who has children is capable of being a proper parent (notice I didn't say "a perfect parent"). To me this doesn't mean that their family should be immediately ripped apart and their child permanently given to another. People can change, this belief is at the heart of the religion I practice and the way I live my life.
Because I believe people can change I feel that parents who can't properly care for their child(ren) should be given the opportunity to change. The problem is that it takes time. While the parent is changing and learning the child needs a safe, loving, and stable environment in which they can grow and learn as well. This is what a good foster family offers.
On this podcast I heard a former foster child tell his story. His mother was an alcoholic, who loved he and his brother dearly but couldn't properly care for them while addicted. He stayed in foster homes 3 different times while his mother worked to get rid of her addiction. Eventually she kicked the habit and their family was reunited permanently. That is a success story of foster parenting, that is the goal (or should be) of every foster parent.
I believe in the power of families. I believe a child will have the best life possible if they can live in safety and health with their own parents because the bond of parenthood is that strong. This is worth working for. It is worth society investing in parents. It is worth the heartache my family and I will feel when a child leaves our home to be reunified with their parent(s). It is worth the struggle our family will have while helping children who carry baggage from their family's dysfunction. Children are worth that, every soul on the earth is worth that. As I told a friend recently, "They are real people, children of Heavenly Father. They deserve to have someone cry over them."
Foster parents are sometimes asked if they think they are perfect parents. I laugh about that. No way do I think I am perfect, nor do I have any illusions about the perfection of the rest of my family. Something I saw in our city explains why, even though I'm flawed, I feel I have a home worth opening to foster kids.
I was walking down the street in our city when a local elementary school let out. Many parents were shepherding backpacked children through the streets. One mother and her young son walked in front of me. The mother berated the child constantly with many expletives thrown in. I walked behind her for at least 3 minutes and in that time her mouth spewed some of the most vile filth I've ever heard and it was directed towards a child. She eventually stopped to tie his shoe (which was all his "!$*# fault, and why couldn't the little *$%?#@ tie his own &*%*! shoe?!!) As she bent over to tie his shoe I walked past them. That little boy looked up at me with a blank expression, staring straight through me. I wanted to stop that mother, to tell her how inappropriate it was, to stand up for that child. But that woman was huge, she'd probably have no problem taking her frustrations out on this *#$@ white lady. In the end the child would probably suffer more wrath at her hands if I tried to interviene. So I said nothing, kept walking, and prayed for that little boy.
That is just one experience among many I've had that pushes my heart towards fostering. Maybe I'll share a few more of those experiences here in the future.
The certification process for foster parents is a long one with many steps. We've just begun, the process will likely take 4 months and at any time something could come up that would exclude us from approval. So while we want to be foster parents there are a lot of things that could derail the process.
I'll share some of the process, the ups and downs, here on the blog. It's nice to finally share this huge new part of our life with everyone. We had to keep it private while we deliberated and discussed it with our children. They are all on board, although they may not have a complete understanding of what we're in for. What am I saying? Even I don't have a complete understanding of what we're in for! But I do have confidence in God's help and our ability as human beings to do difficult things.
Any questions?