lajendi

The Good Camera Returns!

Finally the good camera has been repaired. It has been wonderful to take a few spring pics. Looking over my blog there haven't been as many pics the last 6 months, the demise of this camera was the reason. It's hard to be happy about taking photos when you know they could look so much better. So here I am happy about taking photos again!

 

      

  

     OK, I really don't like the layout of this post. I can't get Typepad to cooperate - the margins, spacing, etc. (Why am I paying for this?) Anyone help me with how to make a montage or mosaic of photos here? thanks :)

Rising Sun

It has been raining for 4 days. Not just cloudy and drippy but R-A-I-N-I-N-G. Windy too, it blew one of the shutters off the front of the house and woke up the kids. Wet, cold, windy, flooding, dark, miserable - and after having just a few nice days beforehand too. It was hard to take, like coming out of a tunnel only to have a blindfold put on. Yesterday I did a lot of daydreaming about North Carolina beaches. If the sun hadn't appeared today I would be looking up condo rentals right now, not blogging. (I may still do that.) 

With the time change R. and I are going to seminary in the dark again. But at least this morning it wasn't cold. On the way home the sky was beginning to lighten and I mentioned to R. that the sun was supposed to shine today. Then I looked up and saw the clouds moving out as the sun rose. The sky was perfectly split with dim dark clouds on the right side and pink streaked clouds with a brightening sky on the left. I needed that, to see clearly that it really was as dark as it felt. The change was as huge as the sky and as tangible as black and white. Seeing the sun rise I felt that I could make it through this day when I had been pushing myself to stay upright just long enough to get back into bed. These cold dark days drag me down, weariness won't leave me alone. 

 

With the sky lightening, we drove past the hospital. The sky was still dark enough that the lights were on inside and outside. I thought about the people who stayed there overnight. They must need this bright dawn even more than I do. To someone there it could be the difference between fighting for another breath and giving up. How amazing that the clouds parted at the same time the sun rose and a new day began.

I remembered standing in the NICU with Baby, looking out those hospital windows at the sun. The brightness assured me that good things were ahead for us, despite the trouble she was having. Her future was bright with health and possibilities. But not everyone at the hospital then, or now, have that kind of hope. So today while I enjoyed the brilliant sunrise after 4 days of rain I realized that there are others who have endured 40 days and nights of rain. The sunrise was really for them.

Thank you for sharing your sunrise with me. Keep breathing. Keep fighting. The sun will rise again tomorrow and the clouds will stay away for at least a few more days. 

 

Thanks for the Gospel

Today I am amazed and grateful for the intricacies of truth, deep soul love, and glory of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

At times I feel that proclaiming my faith sounds so evangelical that no one will take me seriously - that it comes off as a trite phrase of agreement with the masses. I want to tell you that my faith couldn't be more personal or less trite, despite the inadequacy of words. 

The intricacies of the truth found in the gospel is like peeling back layers of the heavens. Under each new layer is something interconnected to my existing knowledge and faith that is as beautiful and awe inspiring as the first spark of my belief. 

"There is no end to wisdom;

There is no end to light...

There is no end to truth.

There is no end to glory

There is no end to love;

There is no end to being;

There is no death above."

-'If You Could Hie To Kolob', 

LDS Hymn #284 by William W. Phelps

Deep soul love, the phrase sounds like some 70's soul song. Those inadequate words are the way I try to explain the love of my Heavenly Father, unlike any other. It is not the stuff of silly love ballads, which is probably why the word "love" doesn't seem enough to describe it. Our modern world has sullied the word "love", mixed it up with lust, mistreatment, obsession, and sexual gratification at any cost. The love of my Heavenly Father is expectant, knowing my true needs long before I need them, setting up a way for them to be satisfied. His love is deep, residing in the part of my soul that has always existed and knows Him well because I was nurtured near His side. His love is never hurtful, though he allows me to pass through great troubles so that I may learn and grow if I depend on him in the midst of it. 

In God's church I am surrounded by his other children, who are amazing wonderful children of God. In working with them I become more and learn so much. I trust in God's love more than any other, he has sent me the other loves of my life and made a way for that love to continue forever. 

Glory - real standing in the eyes of God, not power gained from the suffering of others like the world temptingly offers. Glory because I am a child of God, not because I of myself have done enough to merit it. Glory because God created me for great things, things beyond my comprehension but, none the less, attainable. Glory that all have the potential to attain, God is no respecter of persons because we all hold a portion of His glory equally. Glory because when we do good it is because of God. 

Truth, love, and glory, just three of the many reasons I am grateful for the gospel.

Good Things!

 ~Philadelphia temple plans are moving forward! I can't wait to see the artist's rendering of what it will look like. It's so good to know the current administration seems excited about the temple. The previous mayor was a little more shady (glad he's moved on), and the city is desperate for those tourism dollars. Not to mention the $75 million they say the building will cost, that's a lot of jobs. It's officially on the church site now also.

 
~This morning I got my own copy of the new personal progress booklet! Great spiral binding, wonderful scripture index to mark which ones you've read, explanations of beehive, miamaid, laurel, beautiful and thoughtful in every detail. The edges of each value page is color coded to match the value, it's pretty and it makes each section easier to find. Kudos to the design team!

~I got an A on my Anthropology course. Of course the down side of that is that I probably spent too much time on it. Last year I only completed 2 classes. While one of them was a writing-intense English class, the fact remains that I can't go at that pace or I'll run out of time (8 year limit). Thus the "Study" on my daily goal list. 

~Mormon Times linked to one of my posts on Mormonwomen.org! (third one down with the title 'Honor him') This makes me think that maybe I should begin to use my last name on some of my writing. It is a double edged sword, you worry about the whole identity theft/stalker angle but if I want to do more writing I have to get my name out there. And Jendoop just ain't gonna cut it. 

~I am officially the editor of the Co-op newsletter. There was a previous editor - who  wasn't willing to publish a newsletter monthly, dragging her feet on many things, great at graphics - that officially bowed out via email last week. I never even met her, it was awkward. While the Co-op is a small community operation it looks great on a resume, establishes community contacts, gets my name out there, and serves the community in an area I am passionate about - FOOD!

~Moving to the new ward (AKA congregation). Yes, this is on my list of good things. I wouldn't say that I'm jumping for joy, but yesterday at church I got a little of that 'you've overstayed your welcome' kind of feel (not that anyone treated me differently, everyone was very loving). It's time to step out of the way and let the Latinos run with it. Yes, it will still be awkward going into a new ward, but I'll just take it a step at a time, being friendly all the way. Really the part I'm dragging my feet about now is that DH and I have intense callings with Sunday responsibilities. Every week will require shuffling, scheduling, and sacrifice of family time. And I thought this change would make life easier. 

late night ramblin's about church changes

    Tomorrow is our big church change - a new ward (congregation).

    When I think about trying to explain this to someone who isn't Mormon I don't know how to explain. It's a huge deal, like if your whole family was going to school and switched schools, and got jobs, that didn't pay any money, at that school. I'm tempted to say it's our whole life changing. That's too extreme to let slide off my tongue. A better way to say it is that it effects the lives of everyone in our family, in ways that remain to be seen. 

    DH and I have been awaiting this change for over a year. In fact about 15 months ago I was desperate for it, like gagging for air when there is none, kind of desperate. I really thought mentally and spiritually I was at an end, that it was adversely effecting our family, and I told DH as much. He encouraged me to soldier on because who knew what tomorrow may bring? I specfically remember a conversation about the wards changing, saying it had to be less than 6 months away. Then DH said, "What if it's not, what if it's a year away?"

    "That's impossible, I just couldn't do it. I'd be a puddle on the floor."

    It was a year and I'm not a puddle on the floor. 

    I'm nervous. I'm worried. I'm sad. I'm excited. 

    I'm nervous because it's like being the new kid all over again. I don't know who the nice kids are, who the gossipy ones are, who the dependable ones are. My kids don't either. Very few people there know us. I worry about first impressions, about any snap judgement at all because for the first two weeks my family will attend without me. I have assignments in other wards for my stake calling. So people will probably look at DH and whisper, "What a great man, to bring his 4 children to church by himself." Which he is, but then do I get labeled the inactive slacker mother/wife? It's similar to when we moved to Colordado - A. had the best primary teacher, an older sister who just went over the top with her lessons and was so loving. I felt bad because she sat in sacrament meeting every week by herself. So I went out of my way to thank her and be encouraging, only to find out that she was the stake president's wife. Yep, I'll be eating a piece o' that pie. 

    I'm worried because a Spanish branch was attempted in our area before and it was a train wreck. Seriously. Train. Wreck. I worry not about appearances, but about each individual I know and love, that I have invested time in. I worry about the teenage girl that I used to pick up for every activity. When I was released as her leader, her attendance slacked off until now she is seldom seen and doesn't return phone calls. What happens to her with this change? She speaks English and Spanish (but better at English), her parents speak mostly Spanish, and the parents aren't members of the church. Where will she end up, who will know her circumstances well enough to know where she will be best loved? Will she just become a faceless name on the roll? She is just one example. 

    I'm sad because I have come to love the Latin culture. Who will kiss me on the cheek 40 times every week if not my Latin hermanas? Who will praise me, "Ohhh muy bien!" When I greet them with a, "Hola, como estas?" Who will be so willing to believe in visions and miracles? Who will pour their heart out as purely as I have ever witnessed if not those humble hermanos who have repented of their ways and struggle daily to keep demons at bay? Will there be a place for me to teach the gospel to a person who has never heard of a prophet? Who will feed me rice and beans, coconut jello, and cake with flan?!! Aughh.. I can't even think about the food. Although they said I'm invited to eat with them any time. So I'll keep my nose attuned to those smells wafting from the church kitchen. It seems those hermanas always bring food on fast Sundays :)

    I'm excited because I haven't been to a Relief Society activity in my own ward in English for over 3 years. It may have been that long since I've heard a RS lesson in English too. DH gets a new calling, one so finely attuned to his skill set that he's happy about it, and so am I. My children will attend Primary classes with many more children their age and from more similar family situations. We might even have play dates. (Play dates are a little awkward in the inner-city, you just never know what kind of situation your child might be walking into, so you just don't try.) Could I even possibly find a few other stay-at-home moms with friend and babysitting potential? And I will be able to speak English to every member of the Relief Society presidency, and they'll be able to talk to me. Oh... which means they'll ask me to do things and actually want a report on my visiting teaching. I'll have to get used to that again.  

    So, you see, it's a big deal. I'm scared but it will be OK. Everything with church works out if you keep the big picture in mind, stay obedient, and do your best to love people. 

    Wish us luck!

Post Christmas report

All went well, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. 

On Christmas Eve I spent much of the day baking and cooking. My in-laws have the tradition of a big meal on Christmas Eve so that Christmas can be spent relaxing and eating leftovers. We've adopted the tradition. We had ham, scalloped potatoes, veggie tray, homemade rolls, sweet potatoes and punch. It was so good, but it wiped me out, especially because I baked a round Christmas coffee cake (AKA tea ring) and sugar cookies at the same time. The one time of year that I wish for two ovens, quite ironic after not even having one for Thanksgiving. My MIL is on to something, she makes the coffee cake ahead of time and freezes it. I thought I was so clever to bake mine on a round cookie sheet. But the dough doubled in size so it was all hanging over the edge when it was finished. It was still good, just tricky to get out of the oven. The sugar cookies were a necessity for Santa. 

Somehow we summoned the energy to get dinner cleaned up and had our Christmas Eve family time. We sang a few Christmas songs, DH read Luke 2, and we talked about the meaning of Christmas. R said that she enjoyed giving gifts to her friends this year, it made her feel really good and she wants to do it again. Giving gifts reminds her that God gave us the gift of his son. It was so nice to hear her maturing understanding of Christmas. 

Everyone went to bed well, although they were very excited. DH and I watched the Catholic midnight mass on TV. It was really interesting this year because they had a commentary explaining things. There is a lot of symbolism and tradition there. It must be so grand to be there in person. Did you hear that the Pope was attacked? DH's comment was, "Why don't the crazies attack someone who deserves it, like a serial killer? At least the Pope is trying to improve the world." Although the details of our religious beliefs differ, we share common values and desires for good. 

We awoke at 7am on Christmas. Presents were thoroughly enjoyed, especially J. He is at such a good age to enjoy Christmas- understanding that the gifts were given by those that love him and he had fun with each one. A. was a little more reserved and it was really hard for me to tell if she liked her big present - a bike. J. got one from Santa too. R's big gift was a new MP3 and Baby's was a doll that moves and wets (hopefully will help with potty training). Thanks to all who sent gifts, all were great! Then we had a big breakfast with hot chocolate, the coffee cake, eggs, bacon, toast and juice. I tell you, I'm thoroughly blessed to have so much to share with my family. The rest of the day was spent enjoying our gifts, napping, and talking to family on the phone. It was a satisfying day.

Today we're getting cleaned up, DH are going out to lunch for our weekly date, DH is getting his stitches out, and I'm planning my RS lesson for church tomorrow. It's about goals. I'll let you know how it goes. 

Merry Christmas!

So how was your holiday? What's the aftermath like at your house? 

Thanks for... Books and Writing

 

You say grace before meals. All right. 

But I say grace before the concert and the opera, 

and grace before the play and pantomime,

 and grace before I open a book, 

and grace before sketching, painting, swimming,

 fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing

 and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.

~G.K. Chesterton

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Books and writing expand my soul. Despite this I find myself trying to justify the time I spend on them, especially fiction. Emotionally I feel that what I read and write is of value, it's the logical argument I struggle with. Could my time be better spent folding laundry or visiting the needy? 

This morning as I laid in bed at 4:30 am between Baby, who was recovering from a nightmare, and DH, who is recovering from a horrid cold, I found an answer that soothed my intellect a bit. (Although I was operating on 5 hours sleep, so who knows how logical it really is.) Writing is the development of concepts. The concepts are the skeleton, ideas that fit together to make a framework. Words put flesh on the skeleton. Muscles could be the plot and character development. While the skin could be the story itself - every single little word immaculately crafted. Without any of these aspects the written work is lacking.

Inside the flesh and bones of this creature, the written work, are organs which enable life - brains, heart, intestines, etc. These organs are the writer, hidden deep in the work. Without the writer - his or her heart, brain, intestinal fortitude, digestion of facts, and translation of thought into words with the tongue - the work doesn't exist, there would be no life in the flesh and bone.

Without flesh the skeleton can't operate, there is no interaction. I've never seen a mass of flesh without a skeleton but I can imagine that it would be disconcerting. Similar to the feeling I get when I read a book to it's conclusion only to be befuddled by it's lack of concept. Reading a story which has solid concepts at it's base but the author failed to pay enough attention to the finalizing details is like seeing a person without their skin - it's a person alright, but I'm not about to invite them over. 

Writing is not just putting words on a page. Reading is not just looking at those words. There is development, thought, insight, inspiration, and more, more, more. There is value in reading and writing, fiction or non-fiction. Although I am reluctant to assign a great deal of personal value to some writing (I won't be specific because I don't want to offend ),there is a great deal of modern writing that doesn't have a skeleton. It is hard for me to invest in that type of writing. And giving my time to writing or reading is an investment. Although I do occasionally hang out with books with no skin, as beauty is more than skin deep, after all.  

So the trick is finding and writing a whole creature - bones, flesh, and organs. Figuring this out is a step in the right direction for me... it'll be interesting to watch my work with words unfold. "Life is like a box of chocolates, you just never know what you're gonna get."

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And because I can't ever feel finished with my "Thanks For..." posts I'll end with this- 

Thanks for... my DH

Yes, I know Thanksgiving is over. But that doesn't mean that the goodness shouldn't surround the holiday, instead of being killed like everyone's protein of choice yesterday. I have a few more things to be thankful for so we'll see how long this goes on. 

Does everyone know what "DH" means? Nope, my husband's name is not Daryl Halrimple, Donny Hossenfeffer (although Aunt Edith would LOVE it if I were JennyHossenfeffer), or even Dagwood Ham. "DH" stands for "Dear Hubby". It's a little cheesy but it does the job and is widely understood in the world of blogging. 

You don't hear much about DH on the ol' blog. That's largely on purpose. It's no fair to tell just one side of the story, and by looking at his blog you can tell he's not about to tell his side. You know that I'm all for making myself look bad when I spill my guts but it doesn't support peace, love, and tenderness to make DH look bad (except by pure association). 

In this world I feel like I'm approaching dinosaur status to have been married 17 years. Not that there is any amount of bragging in that comment. I have learned in those 17 years that marriage is hard and takes complete commitment from both sides- and you have no control over the other half. We've been through some yucky stuff and I can understand how either of us could have walked away (((shutter))). 'Before the grace of God go I'. Through blogging and our skipping around the country I've gotten to know wonderful women who've been through the pain of divorce and so I see that my marriage is something to be treated with kid gloves.

Enough of rambling on, here's my simple school-girl list of what I like about DH. (Maybe I'll practice writing Mrs. DH on the back of my notebook too.)

 

My DH is great because:

He loves Monty Python.

He lets arguments go so quickly I get whiplash.

He is fully devoted to BYU football (it makes gift-giving easy and I know where he'll be this Saturday at 5 pm - Go Cougs!).

He loves me.

He takes as great an interest in Baby's bowel movements as I do.

He loves my children and teaches them math.

He went to Thanksgiving dinner at the church, while sick with a cold, when he didn't want to.

He tucks the kids in bed.

He's quick with a joke or pun to break the tension.

He supports me incredibly ('You want to go back to school while we have 4 kids, just moved cross-country, and have no money? SURE!').

He is THE human tip calculator.

He's fine with eating on paper plates every day.

He is ultra-conscientious about providing for his family.

He won't allow any Christmas before Thanksgiving is over. 

He drove home a stranger in trouble, on his vacation day (it took 9 hours).

He signed out a guy from jail so he could go to church (and then took him straight back!).

He has email conversations with me while he's working. 

He'll buy me a new oven today, even if it is with a grumble. 

Happy Thanksgiving

This is especially applicable today - my oven is broken! HA! 

*may be offensive to some viewers, a bit o' language and blood- but all in good taste as MP always is ;)

Thanks for... being a Mormon!

I am so grateful that I can change. Yesterday is a good example. When I posted yesterday I was not in a good frame of mind, you know that happens sometimes. The wonderful thing is that I didn't have to stay in that frame of mind. Through secret prayers of my heart, a desire to be happier, the loving influence of others, and help from above, I was able to turn my feelings around. The issues I was unhappy about are still hanging around, but they aren't overwhelming me like yesterday. Things have been set in perspective and I have recalibrated my course, it is clearly set before me. I don't know every individual action I should take, but my vision is more firmly set on Jesus Christ. 

(sign in Aramaic, Latin, and Greek reads, "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews.") 

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When I post something religiously minded I worry that I'll chase some people away. I worry that I come across extreme or looney. It seems that the world has given certain words a taboo - Jesus Christ, healed, atonement, repentance, born again - if you speak them in a public place people look at you strangely. It's as if you have to hide your faith under a bushel. It's not until you're sure you've met a like-minded person that you should openly express those beliefs. This shows me that the world is in a sad state. How horrid that we feel ashamed of our faith, our vision, our inspiration. 

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At the same time I don't think everyone should feel the same way I do. But I do expect a certain level of respect, not eye rolls and comments about Bible thumping. If someone were to talk to me about their love of skiing I'd listen and be happy for their passion and enjoyment. But if I were to talk about my love of God I would get the cold shoulder in many instances. 

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I'm really trying to convince myself more than you, I'm trying to tell myself that 'I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ.'

 
 

I've ordered nativity DVDs to give to a few of my neighbors. At first I wanted to give away 7. But then I saw the cost and scaled it back to two. I also started to waiver in my exhuberance about being more open about being a Mormon. There are several people I have regular interactions with that know I'm Christian but don't know specifically what kind of Christian. Giving them this DVD will tell them that I'm Mormon, and an assertive one at that. People have been known to loose friends over being Mormon. And I'm not just talking about a rumor that I've heard, real people that I know have lost friends and their children have been shunned. I even wonder if one of my own neighbors who keeps her distance is wary of my faith. Most people don't tell you to your face the way they feel about your faith. 

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Religion holds a special place in my heart. It is oh, so dear, to me. Really it isn't just in one place in my heart, it is woven through and through. Wound up in my faith is my whole life- my heritage, my marriage, my goals and my future. You insult Mormonism and you insult what I have built my life around.  This is another reason I'm hesitant to share my faith. 

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The stronger my faith becomes the more I want to share. The stronger my light becomes the harder it is to keep in contained under an bushel. This is something Joseph Smith addressed, "A (wo)man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing (their) family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race. Combine that thought with this one from Alma 31:5 "And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just - yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else which had happened unto them - therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God." These two thoughts result in one course of action in my mind, sharing the gospel with others. 

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I am grateful for Jesus Christ, my Savior and yours. What that means is that with his help we can change, we can improve and become the people our hearts tell us we can be. Becoming that person is what brings happiness, fulfilling the purpose for our life. 

I know that the gospel is real. The Holy Ghost is a source of power and peace beyond understanding. I seek for it daily. 

President Thomas S. Monson is God's special servant, his work is to lead and guide us back to our Heavenly Father's presence.

Joseph Smith was a prophet of God who gave his all to help people find Jesus Christ. He never got rich or had an easy life, what he did, he did for God. 

And so, when I add all these things up, it tells me that the Mormon church has more than just good ideas. The power of God, the priesthood, is contained within the LDS church and holds all things necessary for us to return to God our Father. The only place perfection is to be found is in Jesus Christ, not in every member of his church. So if you want faults, you'll find them. But if you want truth and peace from the only true source you can find that too. 

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I am so grateful that I have.